Posted on 07/19/2017 8:19:46 AM PDT by Salvation
One of the many troublesome aspects of the modern age is the demise of friendship. While the terms friend and friendship might be bandied about rather easily today, they do not usually mean friendship in its deeper and original sense. Rather, we use the terms to refer to acquaintances rather than friends. True friendship has a depth, history, and stability. It involves some sort of commonality of life and a deeper knowledge of the other.
Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, drawing on the Thomistic tradition, has this to say about friendship:
Every true friendship, St Thomas tells us, implies three qualities: it is first of all the love of benevolence. By which a man wishes good to another as to himself [Further] Every true friendship presupposes the love of mutual benevolence, for it is not sufficient that it exist on the part of one person only . Lastly friendship requires a community of life (convivere). It implies that people know each other, love each other, live together, spiritually at least, by the exchange of most secret thoughts and feelings. Friendship thus conceived tends to a very close union of thought, feeling, willing, prayer, and action (Garrigou-Lagrange, The Three Ages of the Spiritual Life, Vol II, pp. 188-189 Tan Publications).
Notice the emphasis on sharing private thoughts and feelings, as well as the close union of thoughts, feelings, actions, prayers, and wills. True friendship involves more than the knowledge of acquaintances.
A director of a clinic for the treatment of psychological matters once recounted that as he conducted entrance interviews for those beginning an inpatient treatment program, he would ask them how many friends they had. He would often receive expressive answers such as Oh, I have lots of friends! Their answers indicated that they did not really understand what he meant. So he would rephrase the question: How many people do you share deeply with? How many people on this planet know almost everything about you? How many know that youre here at this treatment program and why? Did any of them help to get you here? Questions like these tended to generate blank stares.
Fewer and fewer people have relationships of this deeper nature. True friendships, with all the qualities described above, are increasingly rare in our culture today.
There are many reasons for this.
None of these factors helps in the development of deep, lasting friendships. Most people in our lives are merely acquaintances. We know very little about most of the people we interact with, even those we encounter on a daily basis. Even family relationships are often shallow. Long dinners or extended conversations are rare as family members run off to practices, meetings, shopping, and work.
The lack of deep friendships in the true sense of the word causes many issues. True friends help form our personalities, completing what we lack. True friends rebuke sins and other troublesome quirks we can develop. True friends encourage and enrich us. Without true friends we remain incomplete. Without the necessary rebuke that friends can give, we can suffer from pride and other egotistical character defects.
Scripture both commends friendship and warns against regarding mere acquaintances as friends.
Therefore, our friends should not necessarily be numerous. We ought to be selective in what we share and with whom. All the more reason, then, that we should have close friends with whom we share almost everything.
Do you have close friends?
If so, who? Please consider naming your true friends in your heart.
I pray that you do have true friends, but true friendship is rare in this changing, hurried, and polemic culture. Consider well the need for true friends, for deep friendships that are stable and lasting. We all need true friends.
What has happened to friendship in our culture? How do you see it?
This song is a rather good description of true friendship.
Monsignor Pope Ping!
Very good and very true.
I have three great friends who I have known all my life. I didn’t realize how rare that was till I found most don’t have any.
Men aren’t allowed to be friends with other men. Too gay.
I am fortunate to have several close friends. I think one of the ways you can tell a really dear friend is if she gets in your car and says, “How are you today?” and you say, “Oh, I’m doing alright,” and she says, “No, you’re not. I won’t put my seatbelt on until you tell me what’s wrong.”
Bkmk
I just lost my best friend to death. I miss her so much.
One of the memories I have is after cleaning up after Mass and getting ready to lock the church (We were still in the sacristy.) I asked her to look at what was hurting on my back. Of course, off came the blouse and bra — and her words were “Oh my, you have a huge spider bite here.” I didn’t even know what a spider bite looked like, but she told me how to treat it. I re-dressed and locked up the church — happy to know that my friend knew what was bugging me. Pun intended.
I’m so sorry about your loss. It’s good to have someone you can show your “pain” to, physical and metaphorical.
That is very much the spirit of the age, in my opinion.
My children tend to make friends with animals, even when people are available.
When Anoreth was home, she kept picking up Shannon - fourteen pounds of inert, but complaining, fluff - and carrying her around. “You can’t help yourself, can you?”
But you still have to learn to deal with people. At least that was what my mother said when she took my book away and sent me out to spend time with other children.
Children were out and about much more, 40 years ago, than they are today, but when Msgr. Pope writes about people’s not having friends, I think he means people in late middle age, not young adults or teenagers.
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