Late Have I Loved You -- On the Delay of Marriage in Our Culture and the Flawed Notions That Underlie It
The last time the marriage rate declined was in the 1930s, and the combination of economic and government-related (e.g., taxation) issues were similar then as they are now. My impression, moreover—it would be interesting to see if this is statistically the case—is that the rise in marriages and births that took place after WWII was to men who fought in the war, meaning they would have been too young to be married in the 1930s, married to wives whose male counterparts who were too young to have fought in the war. If this is the case and if history is to repeat itself, then the marriage rate should rise beginning around 2020, not because the older millennials will be marrying, but because the younger millennial men will be marrying post-millennial women.
I married late. It makes for a rocky road and narrow options indeed. With hindsight, I probably would not have done it.
I encourage young people to marry when they are ready. Smart and positive people need to reproduce too, not chase paper until it is almost too late.
Our son and his wife are young marrieds (25 and 29), parents of two. My friends are all jealous that we have grandkids. Their kids look successful. They are getting Masters’ and Phds and have wonderful ‘career goals’ - but they are all single, not dating anyone in particular, self-focused.
They look like they are doing everything right, by today’s standards, but WE have grandchildren and our ‘kids’ are smack in the middle of adulthood, making real decisions, holding real jobs. We are so proud of them.
I wouldn't urge others to follow the same path, but it worked for us.
One thing I will say is that if you wait too long, you won't have the energy needed to raise your children. Children really need "young" parents, who still have plenty of energy, and who can put up with children without being worn out. I think at the time we married, we were on the borderline of being a bit too old.
I eventually married a widow. By then we had both seen our children reach maturity, so we're not faced with dealing with young children. Grandchildren are different. You can hand them back to their parents when they cry.
Tell your friends that your 18 year old doesn’t want to go to college, and they will tell you that college isn’t needed if your child is not afraid to work and is ambitions.
Tell your friends that your 18 year old is hooked on drugs, and they will tell you of all the great programs their are to deal with this issue, and how many people they know that have beaten this issue.
Tell your friends that your 18 year is or has gotten someone pregnant, and they will ask if you are excited about being a grandparent.
Tell your friends that your 18 year old is getting married, and you would think it’s the end of the world, and rather than congratulations and happiness, they will try to convince you to stop the couple before they “ruin their lives”.
Our society has really lost sight of what is important.
Excellent article. Thanks for posting it.
We gave up satisficing for maximizing.
Then we wonder in our thirties why “All of the good ones are already taken.”
If I were king, marriage would be abolished.
Procreation would take place in massive mosh pits inside the city gates — a frenzied free-for-all of coital desire.
The resultant offspring would be cared for by the parents, who had no responsibility whatsoever to one another, only to the child.
And all lawyers would be shot on sight.
bump
I was in my early 20s, my husband in his early 30s. We have been quite prolific.
I agree with Msgr Pope that whenever possible young couples should marry at a relatively early age. (few qualifiers in there!)
The “not ready” line bothers me. They are plenty ready to bed down potential life partners, but not willing (”ready”) to make a commitment past next week. Or maybe tomorrow. “Virtue” as it was known in prior times is a joke to them.