Replies

Dear As Tommy

Here in Utah we are unable to give hold up our heads or our arms in a Pale Ale due to the sorrow we feel at this time for you, our most exalted exaltedness,

What will you do? Do you want us to lay down under the wheels of the plane as the drones force you to board and give yourself up to shudder apostates and shudder non-Mormons?

Crying in Provo

Dear Crying

Thank you for your concern.

That idea about laying down under the plane wheels is obviously from the Mormon gods.

Hold that thought. I will run it by my 14 speech writers err I shall consult the Mormon gods for a confirmation. (Yes that will be a first)

Speaking of planes I do need a new plane for my trip to England err the poor need planes errr food. Contact your bishop about paying the correct amount of tithes.

Ask Tommy

Dear Ask Tommy

We as the Church are being persecuted as Joseph was. This is thrilling and I told those unbelievers in a certain blog just that.

Is this the time we must lock ourselves in our homes and start to eat our prep stuff? Mine is 5 years old and I have to palm off errr give most of it away to Gentiles and purchase more.

Poor but blessed
Bountiful, UT

Dear Poor

Yes give the surplus of your emergency rations to the poor. You should consider donating it all to the Church as we need to sell it to get up my legal fund errr you will be blessed.

When you send your order do note that there is a new supplemental fee added to the usual costs and fees at this time. The amount to get me out of this #$%&#$%&! problem is going to be high err I mean this has been a cold snowy winter and the poor need help with their electric costs.

Do not forget pay tithes before bills. Food for your children is not as important as paying for my attorneys errr to defend the church.

Ask Tommy

Dear Ask Tommy

Here at BYU we are devastated. For this to happen to you the most prefect man on Earth.

What will you do???

RM in Provo

Dear RM

Thank you for your sacrifice during your blessed mission etc.

Yes it is challenging for something like this to happen to me or any prophet to the world.

But like other great men and prophets I can flee and not accept the attacks from Gentiles.

Like Mohammad and Joseph before me, I can avoid paying for my crimes errr avoid the traditions of men and get to remain in this life of clover err continue to guide the church from a place of exile.

Both Mohammad and Joseph successfully lead their people while they were on the lam err escaped the long arm of the law err the onslaught of the unbelievers.

For my long sojourn, please continue to pay tithes and contribute heavily err feel free to give to the fund for my defense errr the defense of the church, err you will be blessed.

Ask Tommy

Dear Ask Tommy

We are indignant. We are offended as the church.

Shall we call out the Danites?

I know some who still have their great grandfather’s white hoods err uniforms.

Avenging Angel in American Fork

Dear AAAF

Who or what are the Danites?

We Mormons are nice, mild people who stay sweet and are not warlike.

Look at our record of non-participation in the wars of the Gentiles errr America.

I do not advocate bloodshed unless it is to save me errr save the apostates.

Do not forget to pay your tithes as we need to buy bazookas err the poor need Gulf Streams errr more land errr coats.

Ask Tommy