Posted on 10/25/2013 10:46:34 AM PDT by Colofornian
I need to find a good Mormon monster — one that seeks out non-tithe-payers or feasts on those who drink Diet Coke. A Zion zombie, perhaps, that eats the brains of, you know, the pure in heart.
Zombies are really popular this year.
“The Mormon Munsters — have you been invited to their family home evening?”
Or “The Addams Family with special guest Eve. The mother of all wants you to clean your room.”
How about a well-placed mummy — not the kind that makes you do laundry, but the dry, dusty Egyptian variety. After all, Egypt has ties to Mormon-dom through Moses and Abraham, as well as Joseph and his amazing coat. The angel of death and those spooky long fingers was very scary, and the look is not all that hard to re-create with dry ice and a fog machine.
The dilemma is that I am not trying to scare people. The other dilemma, more of a predicament really, is that I don’t know what place Halloween really has in Mormon-dom. As an LDS dad, one who is seeking the “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy” (LDS Articles of Faith), Halloween leaves me in a seriously scary quandary.
Currently I am a father of teenagers who like pizza and texting. A scary night for them is a night without their cellphones. And spooky is them having to do their homework without their iPod while sitting at the table — very frightening.
As an LDS dad, Halloween leaves me in a seriously scary quandary. When my daughter was younger she asked me why we celebrated Halloween. I told her that we didn’t. She looked around at the colored lights, the black lights, the giant white ghosts floating in the yard, the spooky music being piped to the street, the table of cookies and popcorn and misty burbling punch and the Edgar Allen Poe's raven perched on my shoulder and said, “Okaaaay.”
Still, “celebrate” seems like a strong word. But based on results, I am defiantly celebratory on the 31st of October. So, why do I, a practicing Mormon, celebrate a holiday that seems to have base in the druid, the pagan and the pranks, the haunted and even the undead and all things seemingly un-Christian?
Yes, the imagery of Halloween has changed somewhat, even from Halloweens of the ’70s and ’80s when I was a participant and not a party planner. The holiday’s typical colors of black and orange have softened to include green and purple.
Witches can be cute, as can be vampires, scarecrows and zombies. Threats of mischief are to be taken as “adorable,” and we bribe the kids in costume at our door with candy or at my dad-the-dentist’s house, toothbrushes.
Originally, children in Great Britain disguised in costumes went from door to door. They visited homes and were rewarded with cakes, fruit and money. It’s all about the candy now. Try picking the “trick” when you are presented with the option. See what happens. My guess is that you will get some confused faces and someone will call you a grouchy old man. Hurt my feelings, it did.
They carried jack-o’-lanterns to guide the souls held in purgatory. True, these lanterns were first created with Irish turnips.
We use pumpkins now, both bigger and easier to carve. Just try to whittle something really scary, like a Ute fan, on a turnip.
Elements of the autumn season, such as fallen leaves, bare branches, corn husks and scarecrows are images we conjure for the season, right along with themes of evil, death and the occult, murder, mayhem and monsters, both mortal and mythical, without a second thought.
“It’s just one night a year” some Mormons say, and that it is. Many believe that Halloween is simply a fun excuse to get together. Often, “Trunk or Treats” are held in or around the neighborhoods LDS chapel with little or no negative significance to the practice. Others reject Halloween as a holiday, concerned that it trivializes paganism and is incompatible with their Mormon beliefs.
I took my children to the Trunk or Treat that was held in my ward building several years ago. However, there is no such church/ward sponsored celebration this year, and that is fine by me. In its place is a chilly chili fest, and I am in charge of the corn bread. It just seems a better fit for church. And anytime I can eat and talk and be in charge of something is a holiday for me.
Other friends believe Halloween is much like the Mexican holiday “Dia de Los Muertos,” a day to celebrate their loved ones who have passed. They light jack-o’-lanterns — not caring if they are pumpkin or turnip — to help guide their beloved dead.
I like the idea of remembering the dead. I rather hope someone will remember me. This predicament, like many other quandaries in my life, I have had to decide for my own, with my wife, what is appropriate for my family.
I have not found instruction by the leaders of my church concerning Halloween specifically, but I have discovered a whole lot of common sense.
I am starting to understand what Elder James E. Faust, formerly of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, might have meant when he said in the Ensign (November 1987, p. 33), “No good can come from getting close to evil. Like playing with fire, it is too easy to get burned: ‘The knowledge of sin tempteth to its commission.’ … The only safe course is to keep well distanced from him and any of his wicked activities or nefarious practices. The mischief of devil worship, sorcery, casting spells, witchcraft, voodooism, black magic and all other forms of demonism should be avoided like the plague.”
That is the direction I find myself to be heading with my family concerning Halloween. Maybe my fixation with lights of all color as a party planner is an attempt to “chase darkness from among (us).”
Personally I plan to celebrate this Halloween with my family by eating. Yes, there will be hordes of candy involved. And I may be dressed like Edgar Allen Poe, Gandalf or Elmer Fudd.
Or, maybe, the Creature of the Latter-day Lagoon.
1. A bowl of lime Jell-O brains
2. Bloody golden plates that are inscribed with the Book of Mormon in an unknown language
3. "I'm a Moroni" button
4. T-shirt that reads "My great-great-grandparents went to the Mountain Meadows Massacre all I got was this bloody t-shirt"
5. Bumpersticker that reads "Ask me about my holey underwear"
Yeah...the Mormons really were distributing all that bounty they stole from the Fancher & Baker parties in latter September into October in 1857. "Harvest season" that year from the Mormons included literally "harvesting" the clothing off of these emigrants' shot-up bods.
With interest...how much would all that be worth?
They may be hard to find but they are easy to spot: white shirts, ties, riding bicycles . . .
LOL!
A better question is why you consider yourself a PRACTICING Mormon, when you CLEARLY do not follow so much found in your SCRIPTURES?
A better question is why youfolks are so OBSESSED with the DEAD?
You're kidding; right??
Yeah...
It just upsets me NO end to see examples of this!!!
Unless someone tries to post FACTS about Mormonism.
Is that a BEEHIVE on his head???
WRONG!!!!
Only about 15% or so of ALL Mormons will be there.
The rest are Unworthy for one reason of another.
If you wanna get in on the Forever Family® offer, then you'd best make SURE that ALL of your family has the quite valued Temple Recommend© or else NONE of them do!
Now THAT was scary!!!
It put the Fear of GOD into Catholics SO much; that they came up with the COUNTER Reformation!
And, if it came to pass, that you LEFT him there, to moulder on the ground, then in just a few short years, there won't be a trace that even the very BEST archeologists could find!!
The Nephites gather to the land of Cumorah for the final battles—Mormon hides the sacred records in the hill Cumorah—The Lamanites are victorious, and the Nephite nation is destroyed—Hundreds of thousands are slain with the sword. About A.D. 385.
1 And now I finish my record concerning the destruction of my people, the Nephites. And it came to pass that we did march forth before the Lamanites.
2 And I, Mormon, wrote an epistle unto the king of the Lamanites, and desired of him that he would grant unto us that we might gather together our people unto the land of Cumorah, by a hill which was called Cumorah, and there we could give them battle.
3 And it came to pass that the king of the Lamanites did grant unto me the thing which I desired.
4 And it came to pass that we did march forth to the land of Cumorah, and we did pitch our tents around about the hill Cumorah; and it was in a land of many waters, rivers, and fountains; and here we had hope to gain advantage over the Lamanites.
5 And *when three hundred and eighty and four years had passed away, we had gathered in all the remainder of our people unto the land of Cumorah.
6 And it came to pass that when we had gathered in all our people in one to the land of Cumorah, behold I, Mormon, began to be old; and knowing it to be the last struggle of my people, and having been commanded of the Lord that I should not suffer the records which had been handed down by our fathers, which were sacred, to fall into the hands of the Lamanites, (for the Lamanites would destroy them) therefore I made this record out of the plates of Nephi, and hid up in the hill Cumorah all the records which had been entrusted to me by the hand of the Lord, save it were these few plates which I gave unto my son Moroni.
7 And it came to pass that my people, with their wives and their children, did now behold the armies of the Lamanites marching towards them; and with that awful fear of death which fills the breasts of all the wicked, did they await to receive them.
8 And it came to pass that they came to battle against us, and every soul was filled with terror because of the greatness of their numbers.
9 And it came to pass that they did fall upon my people with the sword, and with the bow, and with the arrow, and with the ax, and with all manner of weapons of war.
10 And it came to pass that my men were hewn down, yea, even my ten thousand who were with me, and I fell wounded in the midst; and they passed by me that they did not put an end to my life.
11And when they had gone through and hewn down all my people save it were twenty and four of us, (among whom was my son Moroni) and we having survived the dead of our people, did behold on the morrow, when the Lamanites had returned unto their camps, from the top of the hill Cumorah, the ten thousand of my people who were hewn down, being led in the front by me.
12 And we also beheld the ten thousand of my people who were led by my son Moroni.
13 And behold, the ten thousand of Gidgiddonah had fallen, and he also in the midst.
14 And Lamah had fallen with his ten thousand; and Gilgal had fallen with his ten thousand; and Limhah had fallen with his ten thousand; and Jeneum had fallen with his ten thousand; and Cumenihah, and Moronihah, and Antionum, and Shiblom, and Shem, and Josh, had fallen with their ten thousand each.
15 And it came to pass that there were ten more who did fall by the sword, with their ten thousand each; yea, even all my people, save it were those twenty and four who were with me, and also a few who had escaped into the south countries, and a few who had deserted over unto the Lamanites, had fallen; and their flesh, and bones, and blood lay upon the face of the earth, being left by the hands of those who slew them to molder upon the land, and to crumble and to return to their mother earth.
16 And my soul was rent with anguish, because of the slain of my people, and I cried:
17 O ye fair ones, how could ye have departed from the ways of the Lord! O ye fair ones, how could ye have rejected that Jesus, who stood with open arms to receive you!
18 Behold, if ye had not done this, ye would not have fallen. But behold, ye are fallen, and I mourn your loss.
19 O ye fair sons and daughters, ye fathers and mothers, ye husbands and wives, ye fair ones, how is it that ye could have fallen!
20 But behold, ye are gone, and my sorrows cannot bring your return.
21 And the day soon cometh that your mortal must put on immortality, and these bodies which are now moldering in corruption must soon become incorruptible bodies; and then ye must stand before the judgment-seat of Christ, to be judged according to your works; and if it so be that ye are righteous, then are ye blessed with your fathers who have gone before you.
22 O that ye had repented before this great destruction had come upon you. But behold, ye are gone, and the Father, yea, the Eternal Father of heaven, knoweth your state; and he doeth with you according to his justice and mercy.
Practice what you preach, and leave US alone!
Trick or Treat!!??
If you have cable TV, there won’t be much on to watch.
If there isn’t much on to watch, you will answer your door whenever someone rings.
If you open your door, you will see mormons.
If you talk to mormons, they will trick you into “praying about whether something is true”.
If you rely on your feelings, you may become a mormon.
If you become a mormon, you will have to wear magic underwear!
If you wear magic underwear, people will immediately label you as a cultist.
DON’T be a cultist!
Get DirectTV.
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