Posted on 06/13/2013 7:46:41 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Disclosure: Clayton Coates is on the ChristianMingle Advisory Board.
Five years ago, online dating was still considered taboo, but now online dating has become a societal norm and the Christian community is no exception. Christian singles are flocking to Christian dating sites such as ChristianMingle®.com (which just hit its 10 millionth membermark), to find a potential soul mate who shares the same faith and values. While it's rare nowadays to find a single Christian who isn't open to online dating, church leaders may be slower to adopt the evolution of what has become the dating "norm."
Pastors are all about celebrating relationships that are initiated in the traditional local church, but as I have observed, many are well behind the bell curve when it comes to online dating. I have two theories for why the stigma still exists in church leadership.
The first is that pastors like to grow their own congregations organically. As a pastor for almost 20 years, I understand the value of creating relationships within my own congregation for growth and a strong sense of community; however, the reality is that in average sized churches, singles groups have a limited offering when it comes to other single Christians, while online dating offers a much larger pool of likeminded single Christians.
While single Christians are still able to find love within their own church, many are turning to online dating to expand their potential for meaningful and Godly relationships. Online dating makes it possible to meet your mate, whether they live in the same town or on the other side of the country. I am personally seeing many more Christian marriages today that start online. While pastors fully support the biblical principles of a Christ centered union, it's the methodology of getting there that they haven't quite embraced.
In addition to growing their own congregations, pastors feel a powerful sense of obligation to their members; to observe and mediate relationships of all sorts. However, when it comes to online dating, pastors don't have a big hand in helping to develop these relationships. I've heard many pastors say they are nervous to endorse something that's out of their control. However, it can be argued that any relationship, regardless of where it ignited, is outside of a pastor's control. We are there to provide guidance to help ensure relationships remain faithful and strong, whether a couple met at church, in a coffee shop or on the Internet, but the real work must take place within the couple and their pursuit of Jesus Christ.
I'm a firm believer that the Christian online dating experience leads to long-lasting relationships that reflect the true sovereignty and love of God, and encourage my fellow pastors to explore this resource. While tradition and technology may seem like antonyms, they're a match made in heaven when it comes to finding a compatible Christian mate. God is ever present in the act of building relationships, and to be successful, singles must keep this in mind while remaining true to their Christian values. Whether it's face-to-face or online, the values that are represented for Christians should be consistent. In turn, an enjoyable, Christian online dating experience will ensue.
Several reasons exist as to why Christian online dating can help singles find a fulfilling Christian relationship. Niche, religious dating sites, such as ChristianMingle, often offer advanced filtering to find someone who is as equally vested in the Lord. For example, ChristianMingle offers a relationship readiness IQ test and a compatibility matching profile assessment (COMPASS®) to help members focus on the process of becoming someone who can form and maintain high-quality relationships. ChristianMingle's COMPASS evaluates more than 100 personality factors to match members on a deeper level.
In addition to helping singles find the right match through filtering tools, online dating enhances the relationship by putting more emphasis on the courtship stage. Courtship is the time when couples build a healthy relationship by determining capability, establishing trust and agreeing on expectations. In my opinion, online dating helps couples move through the courtship process. It naturally emphasizes the need to focus on preliminary and long-term expectations, which helps raise red flags from the start, preventing Christians from compromising their values or getting into a relationship that's not right. Regardless, the strategic methods used by matchmaking services should never replace the ability to discern prayerful progression in a relationship.
In the Christian community, one will find all levels of acceptance of online dating, but the fact of the matter is online dating isn't going anywhere-and for good reason. In order to remain relevant and care for an entire congregation, pastors must be in sync with their singles community. In this case, that means aligning with the belief that online dating can be a successful opportunity to create long-lasting, Christ-centered relationships with glorify God. As a pastor myself, I encourage all of my colleagues to embrace Christian online dating. Though change can be difficult, there are 10 million members of ChristianMingle who are clearly open and ready for their Christian leaders to embrace online dating.
There is no innocence implied anymore. None.
I always met my women the old fashioned way; in bars.
Two of the three met their spouses on-line; the third dated on-line before meeting her current spouse and father of the most awesome grandson in the world at college.
It isn't how you initially meet so much as how you handle what goes on afterward.
“dating” is a euphemism for “having sex with.” Sex is not something you can do with electrons, so this means “meeting people for sex.” Dressing it up with “christian” doesn’t change that.
People used to put ads in weekly rags, saying “for marriage” when they meant “for sex.” Nothing has changed except it’s faster to use electrons.
Some people seem to think that in a society as disconnected and alienated as ours is, they can somehow make a connection using a keyboard and words that someone else has typed using a similar keyboard.
Bravo, then! It renews my faith in some Americans to hear stories like yours. But, sadly, it’s not the norm.
Online “dating” is mostly just a hookup service.
I know an ordained, widowed pastor who met his second wife on EHarmony. They are the happiest people I know. She is always radiant.
that’s awesome. that being said...From my high school years and through college years I don’t think I ever met a virgin. Male or female. Including myself. What a mistake it is. And I am not even religious.
I have dabbled with a number of “video dating” then online dating sites over the years and, regardless how they tell you they screen it and no matter what personality compatibility tests they give you, my choices never respond to my invitations and the ones who respond to me are always the liberal obese chicks with more issues than a magazine rack.
I’m happy for the people who found true love that way but I’m convinced it’s all a big con.
Well, I’ve had good luck with online dating.
In my case, I don’t have the type of personality to go out and meet people in bars and such places. I don’t know how to “hit on” females or ask someone for dates. The online dating, in which you set up dates and meet someone one on one, get to know each other, etc. is something that has really helped me. Just my 2 cents.
“I always met my women the old fashioned way; in bars.”
Thats a great way to meet women who frequent bars. If that’s what you’re looking for.
“All three of my daughters dated and managed to save sex until they were married.”
And you know this because...they told you so?
Well, I met Mrs. Hugin in a rock club 30 years ago. I walked up and said hello, and she offered to buy me a beer. She orded a pitcher and two glasses. She later told me she wanted to make sure I hung around for a while. It worked.
Well, never mind then. If she bought the beers, she’s a keeper. ;-)
Regards,
Bar Frequenting Old Chick
One of my cousins met his now-wife through an online service. They’ve been married several years, have two young children, and seem quite happy.
As someone else said, how you first meet doesn’t matter that much. What follows matters.
RE: As someone else said, how you first meet doesn’t matter that much. What follows matters.
Being in the IT business, I know boatloads of Software developers, technicians and engineers from India.
MOST OF THEM met their spouses through the “introduction”/”match-making” of their parents and their spouse’s parents.
A lot get married not long after the “introduction”.
I have to tell you — IT WORKS. I have yet to see a divorce among them.
You might have met virgins. They just wouldn’t admit it so they didn’t seem like such an anachronism. I lied about it a few times when I was single, but finally got brave enough to admit it and found a guy who respected my principles, even though he had not lived up to them in his own life.
I have three friends who are 50 year-old women who are virgins. One didn’t want to marry but the other two never met Christian men that they connected with. I doubt any of them would ever exactly advertise their status, but they have lived their faith, despite temptations, for decades now.
I think the introduction method works in part because the couple isn’t expecting perfection, like in a movie or a romance novel. Also, if they have traditional expectations and fulfill traditional roles, it takes some of the variables out of the relationship. I’ve known happy couples from this method, also, and I think I want to assist my children to consider proper spouses. That’s got to be better than hooking up at a party or meeting in a bar.
Matchmaking practices in cultures such as India’s recognize that marriage is an institution that serves the community in fundamental ways. It’s more about filling societal roles than the whims of the spouses. This “It’s a job” approach seems to produce as many happy couples, and many more stable couples, than the “every person for himself” arrangement we have.
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