Posted on 01/20/2012 8:21:52 PM PST by ReformationFan
One of the most controversial teachings of Catholicism is its teaching on homosexuality. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.” They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved. (2357)
For most of us, this teaching is challenging, especially if someone we love is gay or lesbian. But what if you are the Catholic struggling with these desires? Is it possible to be faithful to the Church’s teachings and still be happy?
Yes, it is.
I am a 37-year-old Catholic woman who has been happily married for nearly 15 years. We have five children that I homeschool. I also struggle daily with same-sex attraction.
Click “like” if you want to defend true marriage.
Most gays and lesbians will tell you they “knew” they were homosexual from a young age. I didn’t. I had the usual crushes on boys growing up and like most heterosexual women, envisoned myself getting married and having children with a great man.
Then I met Nora. Nora lived in my freshman dorm and we had several classes together, so we began spending a lot of time together. My boyfriend encouraged the friendship because it gave me a buddy when he was working. Nora and I had many of the same interests and were quickly “BFFs.”
One day a few months later, however, a startling thought crossed my mind: “I’m in love with Nora.” It frightened me badly to have that thought. I cried for hours, trying to figure a way out of the conundrum of being in love with a woman. It was all there, just as it had been with men: the emotional and yes, even the physical attraction.
I avoided Nora, but she insisted on knowing what was wrong. I finally told her how I felt, almost hoping she’d recoil in horror. Instead, she confessed she felt the same about me. And no, neither of us had ever been attracted to a woman before.
I know some of you may be thinking, “What do you mean, you just ‘woke up’ one day and fell in love with a woman? Can that really happen??” Not really. There were many factors in both our pasts that made us vulnerable to same-sex attraction. Nora had been repeatedly molested by a male cousin as a child. I was abandoned by my birth mother and grew up being physically abused by my mentally-ill adoptive mother. For Nora, I was safe. For me, Nora offered the nurturing bond with a female I’d never had. Neither of us had had any guidance about sexuality other than “don’t get pregnant.” Nor did we have any faith in God, which made it easier to ignore our consciences when tempted to become involved.
That summer, we began what turned out to be a three-year affair. Nora and I chose to be roommates for my remaining two years of college. Bizarrely enough, we periodically dated men while together. In the days before same-sex “marriage” and Cat Cora’s embryo exchanges, neither of us could imagine giving up our dream of a “real” family. I realize now that despite our attraction to one another, God’s call to union through marriage was still written on our hearts. We cared deeply for one another, but we still wanted the fairy tale wedding, the marriage, the children, the white picket fence. And in our mind, none of that was possible as a lesbian couple.
Perhaps that’s why we went to great pains to hide our relationship from friends and family. Though we couldn’t imagine life without one another, we couldn’t imagine a future together, either. We both felt an enormous sense of shame about our behavior, though most of our friends were liberal and would never have judged us. Half our friends were even gay or lesbian themselves. Yet we instinctively protected our images as heterosexual women.
A few months before graduation, I met a young man whose brilliant mind and sense of humor ended my relationship with Nora. Though I didn’t marry him, he nonetheless offered me the sense of normalcy I’d craved since becoming involved with a woman. Nora didn’t take it well and decided to come out as a lesbian to her family. She exposed our secret to anyone who would listen. Her family, which had warmly welcomed me into their home for three years, completely shunned me. In their eyes, I had corrupted their daughter and was a sexual deviant.
I never dated another woman after Nora, mostly because I never met another to whom I felt such a strong emotional attraction. The sexual attraction to women, however, never went away. I discovered that while I was still attracted to individual men, I was primarily attracted to women as a whole both sexually and emotionally.
Two years later, I met my husband, a man I felt all those things for and more. I went into marriage happy I’d finally achieved a “normal” life. Yet even then, same-sex attraction insidiously inserted itself. When I traveled out of town for work, I struggled not to go to lesbian bars. But I had promised fidelity and I had to honor that. I somehow knew if I cheated on my husband, I would be truly lost as a person. I thank God every day for helping me fight down those temptations.
Then we became Catholic. If our vows were sacred before, now they were sacramental. And while I was obedient to the Church, I did not fully understand its teachings on sexuality until I studied the “theology of the body” by John Paul II. Finally, I understood my body’s purpose and why marriage was so sacred. I understood why I’d never been satisfied with Nora and why I’d yearned to unite myself to a man and have a family.
But understanding my sexuality did not make the temptations go away. I could not just turn off the habit of being sexually aroused by women. For a while, I convinced myself that as long as I wasn’t actually engaging in homosexual acts, I wasn’t sinning (i.e., fantasy is okay). The more I understood authentic chastity, however, the flimsier this excluse became. Am I “pure of heart” when indulging in sinful fantasies during the most intimate act of my marriage? How is imagining another person during that time respectful to my beloved? I knew that real chastity required something more than simply following the letter of the law; it required a conversion of heart.
I am happy to say that the battle today is easier than in the early years of marriage. I remain faithful to God and my husband because I work hard to avoid near occasions of sin. For instance, I avoid deeply emotional friendships with women that eclipse the one with my husband. I don’t watch gay- and lesbian-themed movies. I also have trained my imagination to avoid impure fantasies. It can be tempting to fall into old thought patterns, especially if I’m tired. But if necessary, I’ll shut down physically and emotionally to avoid offending God. No fleeting sensual pleasure is worth offending Jesus, who suffered so much to save me.
It helps, too, to know that what I have with my husband trumps anything I could have had in a homosexual relationship. The most amazing quality of our union is God’s gift of cooperating with him in creating a unique person who possesses an immortal soul. It’s a transcendent, awesome spiritual privilege I would have missed as a lesbian.
Naturally, I have profound compassion for those who struggle as I do. But I don’t believe we must indulge same-sex attraction if we experience it. I’m really no different than a straight man who struggles not to objectify women. Or a straight woman who is tempted to fornicate. We’re all broken people, which is why we all need Christ.
I’m not capable of re-ordering my broken sexuality, but as I’ve witnessed in the past decade, it can be reordered with grace and trust in Jesus. It just takes time and a desire to be healed. Sanctification, after all, is a lifelong process. I take comfort in the fact that slowly but surely, God is healing the wounds in my soul from the sexual sins that marred it.
Does God love His children who struggle with same-sex attraction? Yes, of course. But He loves us too much to leave us that way.
“Then I met Nora. Nora lived in my freshman dorm and we had several classes together, so we began spending a lot of time together. My boyfriend encouraged the friendship because it gave me a buddy when he was working. Nora and I had many of the same interests and were quickly “BFFs.”
It seems stories like this occur a great deal with young women in college and some pursue the attraction, some write about it and others repress the feeling.
it’s beautiful.
She’s spilling her soul, for sure.
But, to think for an instant that a homosexual relationship can fill some kind of void is to aquiesce to the enemy.
Some are better off not marrying, but if you marry don’t look back.
This life is but a flash in the pan....
I went to college and had women roommates and never felt sexually attracted to a woman. Why? I had a normal childhood, with a loving mother and father, and protected from abuse and given God’s standard of Right and Wrong in my formative years.
It didn’t even occur to me that women could have “sex” -—not that they can, without doing really unnatural despicable things to their body. The demeaning use of the body is what is so weird about the whole concept-—they call the lust, “love”. How can it be “love” when you degrade the parts of your body and use objects to “feel” pleasure. It is really intrinsically disordered.
The Catholic Church is so correct in their definition of love and dignity and worth.
They’re called ‘’Lico’s’’’’ Lesbian in college only’’.
LUG ... lesbian until graduation!
It seems like these days as in the past, college students may be having a lot of premarital sex and it is actually condoned by the colleges.
I had occasion to be on the campus of the local Catholic university and found that they had co-ed dorms on campus.
On the one hand this story uplifting in that once the author found her faith, she’d been nothing but steadfast and loyal to her beliefs. On the other hand it seems kind of sad that her attraction to women not only remains, but apparently forces her to keep the women in her life at the same distance that most women keep men other than their husbands. She’s not only loyal but extremely disciplined as well. It’s just sad that it also seems like there is quite a sacrifice involved as well.
I’ve read other accounts of gays and lesbians who changed teams, and genuinely lost interest in the same sex. I wonder if there isn’t some kind of help available for this woman?
I believe that confessions like this one border on the voyeuristic and actually seems more like sensationalism and pornography rather than a intellectual or even emotional discourse on a touchy topic. First person revelations that describe sexual situations belong in graphic magazines not on religious sound boards.
“I believe that confessions like this one border on the voyeuristic and actually seems more like sensationalism and pornography ...snip...First person revelations that describe sexual situations...”
She did NOT *describe* the sexual situation. She did not even mention anything pornographic. She simply made an honest confession of where she went wrong...and the fact that she was disordered in her attraction to someone of the same sex. I believe she shared this to give hope and direction to others.
Adulterers and those who engage in sex outside of marriage could do the same.
Sex and FAMILY(created by God to be intrinsically beautiful and meaningful) have been completely perverted in this world by the real Enemy of mankind....and many people need to wake up to that fact.
I cannot imagine that God would prefer this woman live in torment and doubt.
I'll put BIG bucks on the fact that God would rather have her BE HAPPY.
God does NOT care if your are gay....only RELIGION does....
“God does NOT care if your(sic)are gay”
And you know this....how?
“God does NOT care if your are gay....only RELIGION does....”
That was a rather ignorant statement.
And you know he does - how ??
Because it's true ?
YOU made the comment. I simply asked for substantiation. Either you have it ...or you don’t.
“Why is that “ignorant”??”
LOL! Still clueless.
The fact is homos cannot reproduce so they must recruit. They encourage everyone to be homosexual and are angry when someone turns their back on being a sodomite, just like you are showing now.
You wouldn’t know God is he came to dinner. Typical liberal, wanting to co-opt God in the name of their perverted mentially ill sexual lifestyle.
Interesting choice of words. There is quite a bit written about, "happiness," and it's use by Locke and Jefferson. In the natural law context they used it, this lady is happy.
While I've never had homosexual urges, I am a recovering alcoholic. Homosexuality and alcoholism share a number of characteristics. First, many will debate endlessly over the "nature vs. nurture", genetic vs. behavioral aspect of either condition. In my experience one will never find relief unless and until one abandons those arguments and accepts the spiritual dimension of the disorder. I will be an alcoholic the rest of my life, however, by learning to subordinate my personal will and inclinations to God's will, I needn't drink. I'm not sure if I'd describe it as a living in "torment and doubt," but there is something of a daily struggle and surrender involved, but I also know that it's from that process that I do in fact, derive happiness in the very denial of my basest impulses.
In that regard I could identify with very much of what this lady has written, and would suggest she is living in happiness.
I had a girlfriend in college who was bisexual, and have known a number since then. Bisexuality seems to be more common among women than men, from among my circle of acquaintances.
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