Posted on 09/29/2011 7:48:46 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
Edited on 09/29/2011 9:22:12 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
VATICAN CITY — In an attempt to head off a tidal wave of lawsuits stemming from the sexual abuse of children by priests within the Roman Catholic Church, and Rome’s attempt to cover up the crimes, the Vatican is planning to replace all priests with robots.
Initially the priests to be replaced will be in the United States, but if the program is successful, it could be extended to other countries, said Marco Batelli, a lawyer for the Vatican.
Batelli said human priests wouldn’t be arbitrarily ousted from their positions, rather they would be replaced by robots as they retired or died.
The church has been developing robot priests for the past two years, Batelli said. A live test took place recently in Japan, he said. In the ceremony, which was held in a restaurant to avoid protests from devout Catholics, bride Satoko Inouye was married to her groom Tomohiro Shibata by I-Fairy, a four-foot robot wearing a wreath of flowers. This was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to a statement issued by RoboPriest Japan, a joint venture between the Vatican and robot manufacturer Kokoro Co.
Vatican observer Kristof Klein said, “The beauty of RoboPriests is that they can be programmed to perform almost all the sacramental duties of priests. Their ultimate virtue, of course, is that they don’t molest little boys.”
No one is sure if the RoboPriest ploy will turn the tide for a church under severe pressure in the courts, but most experts on Vatican affairs agree that desperate times call for desperate measures.
“The church is running scared,” said Walter Lysburn, an ecclesiastical scholar in Rome. “They are desperate to do anything they can to placate victims of sexual abuse. The lawsuits could cost them billions. I know for a fact that Sotherbys has visited the Vatican and put preliminary prices on the Pieta and the Sistine Chapel. [snip]
The entire thread should be deleted or the offending responses likewise edited.
Flame Warriors The Crybaby
Gort not Styx fan. Gort like Kraftwerk.
Freegards
Those who have their off color and foul mouthed comments pulled seem to be the most often offended. Probably just a coincidence,...... probably....
Cute article.
I wonder when the Onion picks it up and it goes viral.
Calling Frank Zappa...
ROTFL!
If the robot is on wheels does that make it a holy roller?
Uhhhhhhh . . . no.
Unless it has been certified as a member of an authentic Roman Catholic Charismatic group.
Have been resisting entering the fray on this great humor thread . . .
However, given the obnoxious whining on the part of the usual ranters and spewers . . . it does get tempting.
Given that the Ashteroth Edifice headquartered in the Vatican is
NOT GOD,
it’s IMPOSSIBLE to blaspheme it.
Did I miss something?
When did the Vatican pass out such organs to the spewers and whiners?
Probably got them at a WalMart discontinued sale?
In After The Perpetually Offended
INDEED.
The perpetually offended;
The perpetually prissy;
The perpetually haughty;
The perpetually whiney;
The perpetually jerky;
The perpetually idolatrous;
The perpetually anal-retentive;
The perpetually fussy;
The perpetually brittle;
The perpetually prickly;
The perpetually assaultive;
. . .
. . . !NOT! . . .
LOL.
It was the Catholic Church that gave you the Bible. It is extreme hubris to attempt to tell us what is in it and what it means. Besides, as history records, it was only the Reformation that erased anything from the Bible.
It is better to be the Cry Baby than a Flame Warrior's Enfant Provateur.
No, it was the Holy Spirit who gave us the Bible. God has preserved His words in a book. We have His word in SPITE of the RCC, not because of it. It is extreme vanity to actually believe that the RCC is responsible for giving God’s Word to the world. “And these things, brethren, I have in a figure transfered to myself and to Apollos for your sakes; that ye might learn in us not to think of men above that which is written, that no one of you be puffed up for one against another.” 1 Cor. 4:6.
But God worked through the Catholic Church in the selection of the human authors. The Traditions of the Church and the Liturgy of the Eucharist were already over 300 years old when the first Canon was published BY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. It was from this Tradition and the baseline of the Nicene Creed that the determination of which Holy and Inspired books would qualify as inerrant and Canon. Who ever told you otherwise lied to you.
May the Lord have mercy on you.
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