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Dear Ask Tommy

What should I do when a mormon becomes an apostate ??

My breother left the only twoo and “restored” church” andf now the family are going all over town calling him names and getting other mormons to ignore him.

I want to speak to my breother but he’s on a “Do not speak to” list on the bulletin board at the steak err stake house and I have to obey the profit err bishop err well you know who ever

Signed

I hate them apostates

Dear IHTA

You just keep on being the good unthinking mormon you are and dont sweat the apostates

Your thinking will be done for you and we will take care of any and all attacks on err troubles with the apostates.

You did not say whether or not you are obeying the profit and tithing regularly

You know we are behind in the building of the celestial shopping mall and costs are mounting up

I am sure your brother and the other hateful apostates are causing the displeasure of one of our gods to fall on our treasury errr heads at this crucial time.

I hope you are not eating meat during this warm weather. Please consider sending the usual cost of meat for your household as a special offering for the many needs of the church and tell your parents god expects the same from them.

Since your brother has left, there is now a gap in your family tithes and offerings. I know that the profit Joseph would want your family to continue to contribute his usual tithe as a memorial towards his return to the fold.

Although we, the LDS. do not usually practice memorial offerings, these are desparate times and we must hope and change with the ebb and flow of the corporate coffers.

And as usual when I speak all the thinking you will ever need to do has been done for you.

(That is why I get the big bucks)

Signed

Ask Tommy