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Thank you. But, seriously, the Book of Abraham is just an excerpt from the ancient egyptian book of the dead, dedicated to the god Anubus

The Book of Abraham papyri were thought lost in the 1871 Great Chicago Fire. However, in 1966 several fragments of the papyri were found in the archives of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, and in the LDS church archives. They are now referred to as the Joseph Smith Papyri. Upon examination by professional non-Mormon Egyptologists, the papyri were found to bear no resemblance to Joseph Smith's interpretation, and were common Egyptian funerary texts, dating to about the first century BC.

J Smith stated that "with W.W. Phelps and Oliver Cowdery as scribes, I commenced the translation of some of the characters or hieroglyphics, and much to our joy found that one of the rolls contained the writings of Abraham, another the writings of Joseph of Egypt, etc. — a more full account of which will appear in its place, as I proceed to examine or unfold them"

Several Egyptologists, including Theodule Deveria, Klaus Baer, Richard A. Parker, and Dr. Albert Lythgoe noted that portions of Facsimile 1 appeared to be incorrect, based on comparison with other similar Egyptian vignettes, and suspected that they had been reconstructed from lacunae (gaps) in the original papyri.[30] The papyri containing Facsimile 1 is acknowledged by Egyptologists to be a version of The Book of Breathings

Lythgoe well summarized the consensus among these egyptologists: "the god Anubus, bending over the mummy, was shown with a human and strangely un-Egyptian head, instead of a jackal's head usual to the scene."

The translation by both Mormon and non-Mormon Egyptologists bears no resemblance to the text of the Book of Abraham as purportedly translated by Joseph Smith. Several excerpts of these modern translations are shown below.

BYU scholar Michael Rhodes summarized the content of the papyri as follows:
"The Hor Book of Breathings is a part of eleven papyri fragments... from three separate papyri scrolls. Joseph Smith Papyri I, X, and XI are from the Book of Breathings belonging to Hor (Hr) the son of Usirwer. Joseph Smith Papyri II, IV, V, VI, VII, and IX all came from a Book of the Dead belonging to Tshemmim (Ts-sri.t Min.), the daughter of Eskhons (Ns-Hnsw). Finally, Joseph Smith Papyrus III is part of Chapter 125 of the Book of the Dead belonging to Neferirtnub (Nfr-ir(.t)-nbw).

Egytologist Klaus Baer translated the writing flanking the vignette which was the source of Facsimile No. 1 as follows:
... the prophet of Amonrasonter, prophet [?] of Min Bull-of-his-Mother, prophet [?] of Khons the Governor... Hor, justified, son of the holder of the same titles, master of secrets, and purifier of the gods Osorwer, justified [?]... Tikhebyt, justified. May your ba live among them, and may you be buried in the West...May you give him a good, splendid burial on the West of Thebes just like ...

The papyrus forming the Book of Abraham are:

Transliterated text from the recovered papyri and facsimiles published in the Book of Abraham contain no direct references, either historical or textual, to Abraham. Rather, they parallel other texts from the Egyptian Book of the Dead and Book of Breathings.
Abraham's name does not appear anywhere in the papyri or the facsimiles
Joseph Smith’s explanation of the facsimiles and interpretation (as contained in the BoA text) does not parallel Egyptologists' transliterations or explanations of the text or images on the papyri
The Joseph Smith Papyri have been dated to the late Ptolemaic or early Roman period, 1500 years after Abraham’s supposed lifetime. This contradicts of Joseph Smith's statement that the papyri were "written by [Abraham's] own hand upon papyrus."
Anachronisms exist in the Book of Abraham which indicate that it was not written in Abraham’s time