Nope, no worship here...
Sorry, everyone, I could not get this posted any other way.
Nope. My people were never in bondage in Egypt.
Therefore, you're not my God, you're just the Hebrew Tribal God and nothing to do with me.
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/97/97lmoses.phtml
Moses: And the Lord has sent before you, this Fifth Commandment - “Honor Thy Father
and Thy Mother”!
[ the prophets agree ]
And the Sixth Commandment: “Though Shalt not Kill”!
[ the prophets agree ]
And the Seventh: “Though Shalt not Commit Adultery”!
[ silence ]
What? What did I say?
Voice Among the Prophets: It’s a little unclear!
Moses: What?! Someone dares question the Word of God!
Clinton: [ steps out ] Not question, really. I mean.. you know, it’s just a little unclear. I mean, adultery
, what exactly does that mean? [ laughs, holds smug thumbs-up ]
Moses: Well, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory - Though shalt not know any Woman other than Thy Wife.
Clinton: Yeah, right.. look, Moses.. hear me out on this one, okay? Is it technically adultery, let’s say, if you just let a woman know you? No! Because you’re not really knowing her back!
Moses: I don’t follow.
Clinton: Aw, c’mon, Moses! You know what I mean - maybe she.. knows you.. some.. other way! Like, not with her loins, you knowww..? She could even be fully dressed..
Moses: [ appalled ] Oh, come on. You’re not asking what I think you’re asking, are you?
Clinton: What?! You gotta admit, it’s not really that clear, right people? [ the people agree ]
Moses: Oh, yes, it is clear! What you’re talking about is definitely adultery!
Clinton: [ sighing ] So, God told you to do that exactly?
Moses: Well, no, we didn’t talk about that..
Clinton: Yeah? Well, then how do you know? This is pretty damn important, maybe you should go ask Him.
Moses: I’m not going to ask God that.
Clinton: Fine. I’ll ask Him. [ Moses tries to stop him, but he walks behind the mountain. He returns almost as soon as he left. ] I asked Him, He said it was okay.
Moses: No, you didn’t! You did not just talk to God!
Clinton: I did, too! You know, I asked Him about doing the thing, you know, down there, and He said, “Hey, go to town!” He said just don’t let anyone else know about it. You can put that one right there. [ he points at the tablet ]
Moses: Okay, you talked to God? Then what does God look like?
Clinton: Well.. I mean, He’s big.. uh, He is shiny, and He wears a hat.
Moses: No! God does not wear a hat. Look, the commandment is simple - Though shalt not lie down with any other woman!
Clinton: See? That’s my point! What if you’re not lying down? What if you’re sitting at the edge of your desk?
Moses: Come on, that’s just semantics. Who brought this guy? [ no one claims Clinton ] Look, look.. any kind of knowing is adultery, and that’s that! Now, I’m moving on! [ he presents the tablets again ] Now, then. Though shalt not covet Thy neighbor’s house, nor his goods, nor Thy neighbor’s ass..
Clinton: Wait a minute, Thy neighbor’s ass. What if..
Moses: No! No, no, no.. I know what you’re going to ask, and yes, that is defintely adultery.
Clinton: Okay, but what if she knew you with her hand?
Moses: That’s it. You are not worthy to receive these commandments! [ he throws the tablets to the ground, destroying them. Thunder strikes ] You perverts! [ he exits behind mountain ]
[ Prophet picks up the broken pieces. Clinton examines them. ]
Clinton Wait, whoa whoa! Did he break the one that had adultery on it?
Prophet: Yeah, I think he did.
Clinton: Okay, good! [ examining the pieces more closely ] Okay, see, look? This is great, we have five commandments. That’s all we need! You understand, we got all the good ones. Am I right? [ he turns to address the crowd ] Now, I want to talk about building a bridge to the 12th Century..
SNL Transcripts
Thanks, Salvation. It’s always nice to see items from fisheaters here, and it’s a great article.
When did YHvH or Yah'shua changeshalom b'SHEM Yah'shua HaMashiach
the Sabbath from Shabbat to Sunday ?Or was it changed in the fourth century
as part of the anti-semitism of Nicea ?
Interesting indeed. This position seems to have completely gone bass-ackwards in the USA, where it seems that most "Catholics" take the completely opposing view.
Actually they were here first. The Protestant churches changed the 10 Commandments.
The last assertion of the article reads:
“We don’t care how they are grouped together; we only care that they are understood and obeyed — not because we are under the Old Testament Moral and Ceremonial Law with its legalism and non-salvific ritual (we aren’t!), but because we are to obey God as children of the New Covenant, whose moral law includes the Two Great Commandments (to love God and to love our neighbor) which surpass the Decalogue, and whose Sacraments surpass empty ritual, being media of grace.”
Let me see if I understand this:
1) We don’t care how the 10 Commandments are arranged.
2) But we do care that they are obeyed.
3) By the way, they have no application to us whatever.
4) We have superior laws in the “New Covenant.”
5) Bottom line: Still, we care that the 10 Commandments are obeyed, because we need more rules and commandments to obey, even though we can’t and don’t obey the rules and commandments we currently have and agree do apply to us.
Did I get that right?
“Thou shall not kill” is a willingly false misinterpretation. The commandment is “Thou shall not commit murder.” The Talmud clearly states, “If someone comes to kill you, rise up and kill them.”