Dr. Osmond tries to find a cure

Mormon Times ^ | May 17, 2010 | Don Osmond

[Colofornian]

There's a disease that runs rampant in the Mormon faith, which may transcend across a multitude of denominations.

It is called When-are-you-itis. And, singles cresting 30 are more than aware of it.

When opportunity presents itself, and occasion finds an older single wandering the foyer of a "home ward," the casual acquaintance may stop to strike up a conversation.

"Don! It's so good to see you. How's life been treating you?" The conversation begins, and after a short interlude of chewing the fat, the bomb drops ...

"So, when are you getting married?"

(Note: This statement is the equivalent of asking a woman when her baby is due. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever ask this question unless you know she's pregnant. Or, as illustrated above, when you know someone is seriously dating somebody.)

Brushing the question off as a good joke, thus ends the reacquainting conversation, and both parties go on their way.

However, When-are-you-itis does not always provoke the single. It is ubiquitous and lends itself into nearly every facet of Mormon culture.

In my youth, I can recall various times when the disease became apparent:

At the ripe-ol' age of 7 ... "When are you getting baptized?"

At the time of high school graduation ... "When are you going on a mission?"

At present, and nearing my expulsion from the single's community ... "When are you getting married?"

If I were a lesser man, the incessant quizzing may stir me mad. However, this veritable dilemma is one to be reckoned with throughout the remainder of my days until the eternities.

The quizzing never ends; the tune never changes. Only the lyrics transform -- so I've been warned.

"When are you going to have children?"

"When are you going on a couples mission?"

My only fear is that one day I'll be asked ...

"When are you going to the Celestial Kingdom?"

[Colofornian]

From the column: There's a disease that runs rampant in the Mormon faith...It is called When-are-you-itis. And, singles cresting 30 are more than aware of it..."So, when are you getting married?"

Being single is no small matter in the Mormon church. In fact, in Mormon theology, it's linked to how Osmond closes the column: My only fear is that one day I'll be asked ... "When are you going to the Celestial Kingdom?"

In Mormon theology, the "Celestial Kingdom" is the highest etchelon of heaven and reserved not simply for Mormons generally, but only MARRIED/widowed temple Mormons in good standing. Only THEY get to live with Heavenly Father forever (they say).

Nobody else.

(That's only about .3% of the American population...and a whole lot less world-wide).

Actually, that .3% might be a tad higher (.4%) -- except that some temple Mormons have either never been married, or been married in the Mormon temple.

Now when Osmond mentions "the Celestial Kingdom" -- what is the biggest goal for Mormons pertaining to that? Author Douglas Rushkoff, in listing 20 common steps of indoctrination in destructive cults, starts off with #1 relating to this thread:
(See Twenty Steps of Indoctrination in Destructive Cults )

1. The Goal
Every cult has a stated, vague and metaphorical goal...So what is the ultimate goal for Mormons? Nothing less than Godhood, not salvation. Mormons don’t talk about salvation as the ultimate goal. They talk about “Exaltation” and “having all that God has,” becoming “priests and kings” and having “kingdoms, thrones, principalities, powers, dominions and exaltations.” The top of the Celestial Kingdom is the goal for Mormons.

So when Mormons talk about "the Celestial Kingdom," "exaltation," "eternal progression," "eternal increase," "becoming an heir," or even "eternal life," those are all codewords or veiled phrases for an underlying reality of, "Yes, we're grasping after godhood"....and is reserved only for MARRIED, TEMPLE, TITHING MORMONS. All others are excluded.

And the cultural reason behind why Osmond and other Mormon singles are so barraged with the marriage Q is a veiled, "Hey, don't you know that your future godhood is at stake if you don't get married?"

If you want further documentation, continue reading these two Lds' past "prophets":

...this doctrine of the eternal union of the husband and wife and of plural marriage, is one of the most important doctrines ever revealed to man in any age of the world. Without it man would come to a full stop; without it we never could be exalted to associate with and become gods neither could we attain to the power of eternal increase... (Joseph F. Smith, Journal of Discourses, Vol. 21, pp. 9-10)

So if you want to enter into exaltation and become as God, that is a son of God or a daughter of God, and receive a fulness of the kingdom, then you have got to abide in his law-not merely the law of marriage but all that pertains to the new and everlasting covenant... (Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, Vol. II, p. 63)

[T Minus Four]

...this doctrine of the eternal union of the husband and wife and of plural marriage, is one of the most important doctrines ever revealed to man in any age of the world. Without it man would come to a full stop; without it we never could be exalted to associate with and become gods neither could we attain to the power of eternal increase... (Joseph F. Smith, Journal of Discourses, Vol. 21, pp. 9-10)

[LearnsFromMistakes]

"So, when are you getting married?"

Not just the Mormon church...been in evangelical churches where you weren't seriously considered for anything leadership-wise unless you were married...

[T Minus Four]

But you eternal salvation was not dependant upon it. Very different ball game here - social pressure vs. eternity.

[Alex Murphy]

Being single is no small matter in the Mormon church. In fact, in Mormon theology, it's linked to how Osmond closes the column: My only fear is that one day I'll be asked ... "When are you going to the Celestial Kingdom?"

Related threads:
LDS conversion is a process, study indicates
Health experts think some LDS missionaries need to lose a little weight
Dining Among The Saints: Married Into a Mormon Family and Seeking Redemption in the Jell-O Belt
LDS and single: Leaders counsel members to seek marriage
Mormon women look for greater role in the life of the church
Why Mormon Divorces Cause Trouble For Some Couples
How to make friends with non-Mormons [aka "How to make friends with a gentile"]
A majority of Americans have no idea what Mormons believe
Mormons: We're misunderstood

[Zakeet]

Technically speaking, Dr. Osmond is dead wrong!

Doctrine & Covenants Section 132: For behold, I reveal unto you a new and everlasting covenant; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory?

According to D&C Section 132, a Saint must not only be married, he/she must be engaged in the practice of "plural marriage" (i.e. polygamy) in order to attain exaltation.

This "everlasting covenant" is still a key component of Holy Mormon Scripture, and has not been (nor can it be) revoked nor can it be altered by either the First or Second Manifestos.

Therefore, Dr. Osmond should not be asking "whether," but "how many"?

[stinkerpot65]

"When are you going to the Celestial Kingdom?"

A few questions about arriving to the Celestial Kingdom:

Do you get to pick your own planet?

What if you don't like the planet you get?

Can you trade for another?

What if you would like an asteroid, instead?

What if you just really don't feel like managing a planet?

[TBP]

It’s not peculiar to Mormons.

[Ellendra]

There's a disease that runs rampant in the Mormon faith, which may transcend across a multitude of denominations.

Outside of the Mormon faith, this disease is particularly prevalent among elderly aunts and grandmothers.

And it's not appropriate to ask even if you know the person is seriously dating. Only when you know the person is actually engaged.

[sportutegrl]

I had such a crush on Donnie when I was a tween. Until the 12th of Never. Sigh.

[Elsie]

In Mormon theology, the “Celestial Kingdom” is the highest etchelon of heaven and reserved not simply for Mormons generally, but only MARRIED/widowed temple Mormons in good standing. Only THEY get to live with Heavenly Father forever.

[Elsie]

A majority of Americans have no idea what Mormons believe

A majority of MORMONs have no idea what Mormons believe; either!!

[Elsie]

Doctrine & Covenants Section 132: For behold, I reveal unto you a new and everlasting covenant... unless 47 years from now you folks have got chicken fecal material for leadership and cave in to the demand of man's GOVERNMENT!

[aMorePerfectUnion]

Mormonism - bizarre cult alert!

[T Minus Four]

What if you just really don't feel like managing a planet?

No kidding - Mormon eternity sounds like just more of the same of this life. The drudgery parts, not the joys. I wonder if the planets have grass that need mowing.

I plan on "retiring" when I get to heaven. I'll be too busy singing and praising God and having all my tears wiped away.

[Tennessee Nana]

I wonder if the planets have grass that need mowing.
______________________________________________

Now that I dont mind ...

“Its the Mormon eternity sounds like just more of the same of this life. The drudgery parts, not the joys” of going through labor and deliverty of new babies every year for eternity that is not fun...and without a doctor or a midwife or even another women to help...

In fact its a punishment for females...

While the mormon guys have their harem and lots of tee time...I’m sure they’ll want to play a round or two of golf with Tommy Monson...

Goood thing Nana will have a big pot of TEA and lots of Tea Parties with the Flying Inmans...

Gosh just think...I cant even give all those pregnant forever mormon women the comfort of a nice cuppa...

1. The mormons insist on reading their word of wisdom wrong...it says “hot drinks” not “coffee and tea”

2. I cant go upstairs to the mormon harems and labor wards...Theyll just have to waddle down to the kitchen...

3. oh thats right...they cant have any...

Boy thats what i always had before I left for the hospital...a cuppa Tea...I didnt know when I would be allowed to have one at the hospital...

[T Minus Four]

Yeah, we never-mo’s will be down in the heavenly trailer park known as the telestial kingdom. We can sit on our redwood decks and drink tea all day long.