Posted on 05/04/2009 7:20:00 PM PDT by markomalley
This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non Catholics.
The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas : There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, theCatholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk.
Q: Why does a Catholic arrive at Mass early?
A: So he/she can sit in the last pew.
;-o)
LOL. I am not Catholic but I did attend Catholic school as a child.
And many of these code words apply to any number of churches I have attended.
Psssst...just between you and me, we Protestants share a lot of the same code words. : )
Works for me. Especially for Stations of the Cross
Like that one. Seen it before, but still like it.
CHIP monk!
The brought a giggle.
All true ;-)
Back in the day, they also used secret Latin code words and phrases; eg: Domine go frisk ‘em ! Benny’s got the dominos,etc.
I still am trying to figure out why they want to lead us snots to temptation.
You forgot the priest that cooks the meals on Friday. He’s the Fish Friar,
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
* Singing? I always wondered what that caterwauling was.*
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
* I remember hymns. They’ve long since been replaced by caterwauling *
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
* When first meeting a Jesuit, always ask, “Are you a good Jesuit, or a bad Jesuit?” *
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
* Justice is now defined as open borders and socialism. *
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