There is only one thing to do with the filth and evil of the porcine digestive tract ... grind up the rest of the pig and shove it into its own digestive tract.
MMMmmmmm... sausage.
Posted on 03/17/2009 6:57:11 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
Did you know that Joel Osteen is kicking it old school now? And by old school, I mean Old Testament. Straight outta Hebron!
The new-agey motivational speaker preacher at Lakewood Church took a bizarrely old-fashioned approach recently when he advised his congregation against eating both pork and seafood, saying that "...for our health's sake, we have to be willing to make some changes."
He further explained his newfound nutritional path to salvation with deeply theological phrases like "back in the Bible days" and "this is kinda gross" before launching into a detailed diatribe about the inherent filth and evil associated with porcine digestive tracts.
He appealed to his followers, "I know some of you love pork chops. You love ham and cheese sandwiches. I grew up on all that. I love...bacon." (The marked pause makes me think Joel doesn't really love bacon.) But that they should follow the example set by his family -- who now eats turkey bacon -- and give up pork "to honor God."
He goes on to declare that his congregation should also avoid shellfish: "Shrimp, crabs, clams, oysters, lobsters..." because they eat the "excreetment [sic]" of other animals.
One can only assume that someone inadvertently left a Bible in the men's room at Lakewood, opened to Leviticus, and Joel -- since he hadn't brought his copy of The Six Figure Speaker with him that day -- read it to pass the time.
And having little to no theological education -- by his own admission -- nor context within which to understand the Old Testament's strictly-defined dietary laws, Joel interpreted the Bible's weird front pages that no one ever reads to mean that pork and seafood should be off-limits to Christians. Because, clearly, other Biblical scholars have been mistaken about this for years.
Good work, Joel! I look forward to your next sermon, wherein you discuss the segregation of women into red tents during their scary menstrual cycle each month. In the meantime, I'll be eating a SCCOLBLT. That's a shrimp-crab-clam-oyster-lobster-bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwich, Philistine.
....having little to no theological education -- by his own admission -- nor context within which to understand the Old Testament's strictly-defined dietary laws, Joel interpreted the Bible's weird front pages that no one ever reads to mean that pork and seafood should be off-limits to Christians. Because, clearly, other Biblical scholars have been mistaken about this for years.
The next day, as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the housetop about the sixth hour to pray. And he became hungry and wanted something to eat, but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance and saw the heavens opened and something like a great sheet descending, being let down by its four corners upon the earth. In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. And there came a voice to him: "Rise, Peter; kill and eat." But Peter said, "By no means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean." And the voice came to him again a second time, "What God has made clean, do not call common." This happened three times, and the thing was taken up at once to heaven.- Acts 10:9-16
errrr...yea, right... Joel, if you think your little motivational speaking tour can somehow give people salvation by going Old Testament, I have some old laws for you to try out.
Joel's never visited a chicken farm, has he?
I’ll have the dry rub ribs and a side of peel and eat shrimp, please.
Next will he tackle the abomination of a man lying with a man as a woman? or stoning adulturous women to death? How about considering a divorced man and woman who remarry adultorus? Most of his congregation will leave cause they will need to be stoned to death. How about following the ten commandments as such, instead of the ten suggestions, instead of what is clean and unclean to eat? Oy vey, the people who follow this stuff really do like having their ears tickled!
I’m told by a relative that there’s a book “What Jesus Ate”. My relative insisted that I buy the book and follow it (no thanks). But those are precisely the things that he was insisting I avoid for the same reasons. Sounds like ol’ Joel got a copy.
I’m not a fan of this guy, but this is clearly a hit piece.
“his newfound nutritional path to salvation”
I’m sure he didn’t say it was a path to salvation. Probably just said it was a good diet choice, which is true. It’s not a requirement to be saved of course. But when God commanded his children not to eat them, he wasn’t just being arbitrary. I eat pork, but if there’s a choice I’d choose beef every time
ya beat me to it Alex.
My first thought reading the article was “what about Peter’s vision?”
So, Peter just had a dream and not a vision and everyone’s been wrong since.
Hunh....who would have known?
read the explanation of the dream, you will see that YHVH never proclaimed any food clean that was considered un-clean before. He was making the point that those other than the tribes of Isreal were now given a path to salvation.
He never calimed a literal interpretation of the dream. If YHVH changed the food laws he would have issued a cookbook.
Hint: You don’t go to hel;l for eating a pig. YHVH wrote his laws to inform us how to live on this plane with as little trouble as possible.
There is only one thing to do with the filth and evil of the porcine digestive tract ... grind up the rest of the pig and shove it into its own digestive tract.
MMMmmmmm... sausage.
I knew there had to be something wrong with Joel Osteen. I KNEW it.
This Christian has been given freedom to eat what she chooses, provided it doesn’t make a weaker brother stumble. To wholesale urge the congregation to eat a certain way, well, time is better spent on other subjects. Over the years, I’ve tended away from most seafood, but I haven’t given up bacon yet!
I’m all for Joel and his flock giving up pork products and shellfish. That will just mean there’s more for the rest of us!
That’s what I’m talking about.
Wow, he wasn’t educated as a preacher yet practices, and wasn’t educated as a nutritionist yet is giving us advice on food choices.... I can’t wait for his sermon on how to avoid being audited by the IRS.
And my first thought was from 1 Timothy:
Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared, who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer. (1 Tim. 4:1-5)
One of my rules of thumb for life is, "don't trust people who put their faces on the covers of their books." Mr. Osteen is one of those.
Jesus ate the things prescribed by Jewish law because he came to live under the law in order to be the ONLY person to fulfill the whole law. He fulfilled the law for you and me and we are no longer under the law.
Of course you already know that, so I’m not responding to you specifically, just making a point that I haven’t yet read this far into the thread.
A few years ago I got cornered by a raw-food “Chr” Nazi.
Man, is that guy a nut.
Note, I didn’t call him here a shrimp or a pig....,,,,,,,,
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