Since we're playing 'what if', do I end up living for eternity under everlasting torture and pain because I didn't believe in him? Or am I simply dead at the end of my life in the Old Testament sense (i.e. no hell) and it's over with.
I can't make myself believe, and if god exists, he made me this way. So would he rather I lie to myself and him when I get to the afterlife? I think he would think more of me if I were honest with myself, rather than trying to concoct an artificial belief just so I can partake in the rewards of his love and all that such entails.
It appears you have successfully caught your ‘tale’ in your mouth and are now on a roll. I believe what the Bible teaches, that every human has a soul and spirit and that that is eternal, everlasting. I suppose the answer to your query would be that you will be alive forever more and aware that you are ‘outside of God’s Love and all that His Love sustains.’ That ‘ud be hell, dude. Why risk it? ... If you choose to believe He is, He will be responsible for the rest and will—as He has done with me and millions of others—add to your faith. If you come tot he end of this mortal coil and there is nothing beyond it, how have you harmed yourself or those around you? On the other hand, if you ... well, you get the gist. Why do that to yourself and those around you?