Posted on 07/02/2008 8:18:28 AM PDT by delacoert
Wedding customs of the faithful range from solemn to colorful
In the big picture of life, all weddings are the same — they're about two people joining their lives (and families) together.
But, of course, all weddings are a little bit different, too, based on the couple's background and preferences.
Those who opt for a civil ceremony might want a simple exchange of vows at the county courthouse or an elaborate gathering with the wedding party dressed in period costumes.
Protestant weddings also can vary, depending on the denomination, church and officiating clergy.
Some faiths (Catholic) have a lot of rules about how the service should look, while others (Muslim) can vary greatly depending on the couple's cultural background. Some weddings involve wine (Jewish), some involve fire (Hindu), and some faiths consider their wedding vows as enduring not just on Earth, but into the afterlife (Mormon).
Here's what Tri-State residents had to say about what weddings are like within their faith.
Catholic
Catholic weddings differ from Protestant ceremonies in a few key ways.
For one thing, they're usually longer, says Matt Miller, director of the Catholic Diocese of Evansville's office of worship.
A full Catholic wedding that includes Mass, Miller said, may last 60 to 90 minutes.
Typically, the couple and their wedding party sits and kneels along with everyone else during the Mass, then stands while exchanging vows.
Unless there are extraordinary circumstances that would prevent it, Catholic weddings always take place in a Catholic Church.
Often, Miller said, couples opt to show devotion to a saint during the wedding ceremony — perhaps by offering flowers before a statue of that saint. Mary is usually chosen, Miller said, because of "her example of selfless service and total giving over to another."
Because of the religious component of the wedding, the wedding processional includes not just the bride and her attendants, but also the priest and other ministers who officiate.
Jewish
Jewish weddings actually involve two separate ceremonies. The first is an engagement ceremony, followed by the wedding ceremony.
During each ceremony, the couple sips wine from a shared cup as a symbol of their union.
"They use sweet wine so that from now on, they will be sharing life's sweetness," said Rabbi Barry Friedman of Temple Adath B'nai Israel.
The back-to-back ceremonies are a modification of ancient Jewish custom in which the engagement ceremony — considered a binding arrangement breakable only by divorce — took place a full year before the wedding ceremony.
Jewish weddings also incorporate physical symbols of the couple's future life together.
During the ceremony the couple stands under a canopy called a chuppah which symbolizes their first shared home.
At the end of the ceremony, the groom breaks a glass under his foot. This action has many possible meanings, Friedman said, but it's often understood to represent both the destruction of the Jerusalem temple and the fact that life contains both sorrow and happy times.
Muslim
Muslims hail from many different countries, so their wedding customs can vary greatly depending on where the couple live.
"There's no particular 'Muslim wedding' because the culture is so diverse," said Bushra Saqib of Carmi, Ill., a member of the Islamic Society of Evansville.
For instance, Saqib said, in her native country of Pakistan, red is a popular color for brides, while Middle Eastern Muslim brides often wear white wedding dresses.
That said, there are some commonalities among all Muslim weddings.
Islam does not have clergy as some other faiths do, so weddings can be performed by any Muslim with good standing in the community.
Saqib's husband, Zahid, a physician, has officiated at a number of Muslim weddings.
Before the ceremony, the bride's family and the groom's family meet to come up with a marriage contract that both bride and groom will sign during the wedding ceremony.
The groom is required to provide his bride with a gift, Zahid Saqib said, and this is detailed in the contract. Other elements of the contract may stipulate the standard of living the husband will provide, the amount of housework the wife will do and where they will live.
"You can actually put down anything in the contract. It's up to the people to decide," Zahid Saqib said.
The bride should have her father or another man with good community standing give her away, and the wedding must include at least two witnesses.
Mormon
In the five-plus years that Sam Rogers has served as bishop of the Newburgh ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he's officiated at only a few local weddings.
That's in large part because of the church's beliefs about marriage.
The church teaches that the marriage bond can endure into the afterlife, but only if the couple have their marriage sealed in a Mormon temple. The church's ideal is for couples to marry and be sealed in a temple, and Rogers estimated that the vast majority of active Mormons opt to marry inside a temple. (Indiana has no Mormon temples, but Louisville, Ky., and St. Louis do.)
Rogers said the church does not reveal details of the sealing ceremony because of its sacred nature, and even among Mormons not everyone can enter the temple.
To qualify for temple admission, a person must answer questions posed by local church officials to determine if the person is living in accordance with church teachings. If the person gains the officials' approval, he or she receives a "temple recommend" that is valid for two years.
Those who marry in a local Mormon church typically must wait a year before being sealed in a temple, Rogers said.
Local church weddings are usually simple and relatively brief.
"It's a pretty low-key ceremony that we feel like invites the spirit to attend," Rogers said.
Hindu
Hindu weddings include many customs not seen in other faiths.
"Hindu wedding is different from other weddings," said Sushma Jain of Evansville, a member of the Tri-State's Hindu community.
The marriage may be arranged — Jain and her husband, K.C., have three daughters who all chose an arranged marriage — but tradition is shifting, and more and more young people opt to choose their own spouses.
The wedding takes place in front of a sacred fire that represents the deity Agni. Agni is also considered to be the principal witness to the ceremony. As part of the ceremony, the couple walk around the fire several times.
Another important part of the ceremony occurs when the bride's parents place her right hand in the groom's right hand as a symbol of the couple's coming together.
Hindu theology includes many deities, but at weddings worship is focused on Ganesh because he is associated with good luck and the removal of obstacles.
Among the other wedding traditions are several formal greetings exchanged by different members of the bride's and groom's families.
This custom, Jain said, shows that a wedding unites more than just the bride and groom.
"The wedding is not boy and girl. The wedding is between both the families," she said.
Mormon
In the five-plus years that Sam Rogers has served as bishop of the Newburgh ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he's officiated at only a few local weddings.
That's in large part because of the church's beliefs about marriage.
The church teaches that the marriage bond can endure into the afterlife, but only if the couple have their marriage sealed in a Mormon temple. The church's ideal is for couples to marry and be sealed in a temple, and Rogers estimated that the vast majority of active Mormons opt to marry inside a temple. (Indiana has no Mormon temples, but Louisville, Ky., and St. Louis do.)
Rogers said the church does not reveal details of the sealing ceremony because of its sacred nature, and even among Mormons not everyone can enter the temple.
and at #132: Sure, anybody can go to the Temple if they do what they are supposed to do. It will take a bit over a year.
I found it interesting that even family member find themselves unable to attend some marriage ceremonies. I’ll bet that is painful.
After a year of obeying all the rules and regulations required to be a “worthy” mormon, you must have an interview with the bishop and satisfactorily answer the following questions in order to receive a temple “recommend” which will allow you entrance. There you may take part in the “marriage ordinances” that are believed to be necessary to enter the mormon equivalent of the Christian heaven, the ability to reside with God and His Son.
TEMPLE RECOMMEND QUESTIONS
1 Do you have faith in and a testimony of God the Eternal Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost?
2 Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of His role as Savior and Redeemer?
3 Do you have a testimony of the restoration of the gospel in these the latter days?
4 Do you sustain the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator and as the only person on the earth who possesses and is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local authorities of the Church?
5 Do you live the law of chastity?
6 Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?
7 Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
8 Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?
9 Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?
10 Are you a full-tithe payer?
11 Do your keep the Word of Wisdom?
12 Do you have financial or other oblgations to a former spouse or children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?
13 If you have previously received your temple endowment:
Do you keep the covenants that you made in the temple?
Do you wear the garment both night and day as instructed in the endowment and in accordance with the covenant you made in the temple?
14 Have there been any sins or misdeeds in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but have not been?
15 Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord’s house and participate in temple ordinances?
Traditionally there is a huge difference between Catholic marriages and others in that you pledge yourself to your spouse for life, for better or worse. We have believed that only by tying yourself to another’s unforseen needs are you likely to be wrenched out of your innate selfishness so that you’re other-centered and can appreciate God when you meet him face-to-face.
Sadly, recent American Catholic divorce statistics are as bad as non-Catholics.
I think the Mormon approach to marriage has been very effective in preventing the wildly expensive, ostentatious displays that have become the norm for weddings in this country (as well as in many other countries, including Hindus, Muslims, etc). “Getting married” has become largely about the huge fairy-tale party day and associated financial irresponsibility. If only a handful of close relatives can be present, and not even all of those, rationality is more likely to reign. From what I understand, although Mormon temple sealings are usually followed by some sort of reception, the receptions are generally pretty restrained by mainstream standards. And since there’s a stigma attached to Mormon chapel weddings, I imagine the associated receptions would be even more restrained, especially since many couples would still be looking forward to their “real” wedding in the temple at some later date.
If a mormon does NOT obtain a temple recommend, as in the above post, he/she will NOT be allowed to attend a temple wedding....even if the bride or groom happens to be a child or parent of the "unworthy" mormon.
The "unworthy ones" are made to stay out, but they ARE allowed to gather on the temple steps for the family portrait following the wedding.
And, of course the "unworthies" are allowed to attend and bring gifts to the reception which is not held on "sacred" property.
Then I suppose you haven't attended the likes of my nephew's wedding last month. A family dinner was held on Friday, followed by a Temple ceremony on Saturday Morning (many of the family, including the grandmother was barred from attending), and a lavish and costly reception at Salt Lake's famed McCune mansion where there was a light buffet and dancing. Mighty big bucks were spent in order to "WOW" the crowd.
Of course, the couple had engaged in premarital sex and some light drug use, and so the family knows they lied to the Bishop in order to receive the required "Temple Recommend." But what the heck - appearances were kept! Who cares if a lie was perpetuated?
Painful? Yes, I find it painful that there are many parents who are not worthy to attend the Temple.
That’s why we do NOT have receptions in our Temples.
Are you truly worthy OMM? It seems you think you are, but that is between you and your Bishop, unless of course you happen to miss your childs wedding ceremony, and then we will all know you have a problem with answering the questions in the recommend interview - - we could recognize that you are not worthy.
This process sets people up for derision and shame within their congregations - - or it causes them to lie in order to keep up appearances of righteousness.
I feel bad for those who find worthiness in their own actions and works and forget that it is Jesus Christ that cleases us from all sin. I guess Jesus did warrant at least one mention in the Temple Recommend Questions.
Wow, how forward thinking of them.
Of course you could hold a wedding that is open to everyone in family, church, neighborhood. Have the gown made by bride and friends, and bridesmaids in simple (unmatched dresses). Have the groom and best man wear suits they already owned. Hold a covered dish reception open to everyone afterward with 500 people in attendance where the minister hands check back to groom and the couple still be married (to each other) after 26 years.
I'm not say that our wedding prevented the rest of the country from having "wildly expensive, ostentatious displays" like yours did though.
I guess Mormons really only go to weddings to attend the reception.
I suppose you are not worthy?
Everything else is man-made.
It boggles the mind. The recommend was so important that it was OK to bar family members from the ceremony. And lieing, which violates one of the ten commandments, against bearing false witness. And a lavish reception, which probably had no alcohol served. That is a high price to pay to be married in a temple.
I'm sorry, but that is why I am an atheistic agnostic. Or maybe an agnostic atheist? Churches, like all other institutions, are social constructs, and rarely do they offer anything other than a form of social control. In many ways, gangs are like churches. They provide an us to belong to, and a them to be against. And rigid requirements for membership.
You are correct. I am not worthy to attend a Mormon Temple. I cannot answer questions #3, #4, #8 or #11 truthfully and still find approval within your organization.
The only question I must answer in the affirmative is question #2 and that gives me access to all the blessings that are His to offer. - it is all I need and it has given me the zeal to live for Him, in Him and through Him as a new creation.
I’m counting myself as lucky. I’m having a Catholic wedding in October and a Hindu wedding in December. This way, each mother has her own list of details over which she can fret endlessly, and at the end, both families will feel good and married.
Any institution that fosters lies is not of God.
Then you should not spend your life in pursuit of the destruction of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You will not succeed. You should find something positive to do with your life.
Another chance to post the picts of my son’s wedding on June 21!
http://nickellphotography.blogspot.com/2008/06/victoria-and-joe.html
The ceremony was simple, inexpensive, joyful and significant. And best of all - - everyone was included!
My life is very significant in Him. He leads me down paths of righteousness for His sake. I strive only to do His will.
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