We are so!
Posted on 03/01/2007 12:54:23 PM PST by Balt
The latest blast of hot air from those perpetuating the global warming fraud is the idea of commercially available “carbon offsets.” The theory behind this new entrepreneurial opportunity goes something like this:
Everybody has a “carbon footprint” resulting from all the things he or she does which damages the planet - things like driving cars, flying planes, burning garbage, burning electric lights, heating the home, eating beans, detonating thermonuclear devices, breathing and the like. The size of your carbon footprint - and, according to global warming’s true believers, the blackness of your soul - is determined by how many and how much of these evil things you do.
But fear not. If you’re rich enough, you can buy your environmental soul clean again by purchasing carbon offsets. For example, if you breath more than the guy next door, or your SUV is bigger, or you pass more gas, or your thermonuclear device has a greater yield than his, then you can buy from him the unused portion of his carbon footprint to make up for it.
Of course, you just can’t arrange to buy these offsets privately with your neighbor because that’s too unregulated; you have to go to a Sierra Club endorsed carbon offset broker, who buys up the unused portion of your neighbors carbon footprint, and sells it to you for a markup - the markup being necessary to support their altruistic and self-sacrificing efforts on behalf of the planet.
Well, here at St. Michael and Ss. Peter & Paul, we pride ourselves on being on the cutting edge. So, here’s our pitch:
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Are you a fallen away Catholic? Are you morally bankrupt? Is your spirit willing but your flesh weak? Did you go to college where you were forced to abandon your faith in order to graduate? Did you pretend to support abortion to impress a hot babe? Are you an agnostic approaching your golden years and wondering what happens if all that stuff they taught you in Sunday School turns out to be true? Well, fear not. You can purify your soul again buy purchasing
St. Michael and Ss. Peter & Paul Moral Offsets
Missed your morning and evening prayers yesterday? For a mere $25.00 one of our parishioners will say them for you. Ate meat on Wednesday or Friday? We’ve got folks willing to go to Red Lobster for you for five bucks a bite. Stole a whole bunch of stuff from work? Just give us the cash value. Haven't been to church in a dog’s age? We’ve got regular churchgoers standing buy just for you for a measly $50.00 per Sunday. Going to a pipe-fitters convention next month and planning on cheating on your wife? One of our parishioners will agree not to commit adultery for you for a mere $5000.00 per tryst.
Of course, we can’t guarantee that God will recognize these spiritual Green Stamps on the day of judgment; but, if you really believed in that kind of thing, you wouldn’t be living a morally bankrupt life anyway. So, if your personal religion is just a matter of social concern and has no room for heaven and hell, then what have you got to lose? Purge those nasty pangs of guilt for a fraction of what it costs to sin. Purchase your Moral Offsets today and sin with confidence. No sin is too heinous - we guarantee that we’ve got someone here that’s not doing it.
All these years I've been abstaining and getting no payback.
Humor ping!
Pinging Xsmommy and Cagey to laugh for me. With all the crapola going on here these days I've decided not to laugh for awhile so I'm buying humor offsets from these two.... well written and I would have laughed, honest.
He's sure got Manbearpig's mentality down pat.
Indulgences!
Not so. There's a disclaimer:
Of course, we can’t guarantee that God will recognize these spiritual Green Stamps on the day of judgment; but, if you really believed in that kind of thing, you wouldn’t be living a morally bankrupt life anyway.
So, we are not selling indulgences. :)
No, i don't mean Catholics, I'm just borrowing a Catholic word to use pertaining to Gore. I just thought of it as i read that post. Sorry. :)
Interesting point. Maybe we need an environmental Martin Luther to counter Gore's selling of Dooms Day Indulgences. :)
I was going to go on vacation, but I coudln't afford the moral offsets...
LMAO. Indulgences, the modern way.
Nail a list of 95 theses to a tree ... or algore's head.
which is the same thing.
ROTFLMAO! That's a keeper...bookmark for future reference.
We could read Pookie's cartoons of today and have a good laugh. Oooooops, maybe we can't.
i gave laughing up for lent,so you guys can have my share.
Well you three are no fun at all, just the way I like it.
Can I sign up for one of those Capital One Moral Credit Cards??? Whats the limit??
Pray for W and Our Troops
We are so!
nice yellow pants ya got on there.... ; )
Gosh, is that me in the mullet?? i simply MUST update my hairstyle.
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