Religion in the News (WaPo "Brains" Alert! Official Neener Friday Fun Thread!)

Washington Post ^ | 26 Jan 07 | JOANN LOVIGLIO

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PHILADELPHIA -- Religion and science can combine to create some thorny questions: Does God exist outside the human mind, or is God a creation of our brains? Why do we have faith in things that we cannot prove, whether it's the afterlife or UFOs?

Snip

...brains of Pentecostal Christians

...brains of Tibetan Buddhists in meditation and Franciscan nuns in prayer

...brains of novice yoga practitioners

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No rules

No lists

No UNINTERESTING arguments!

Humor the rule.

Attaboys Awarded.

The Lord High Protector, yada, yada will issue all certificates and invitations.

[P-Marlowe]

The Lord High Protector, yada, yada will issue all certificates and invitations.

I can't. I don't have a list.

I suspect that if we BTTT enough, everyone who thinks they are a neener or a Knight who says Neener Neener Neener, or anyone who has pledged fealty to the eternal exclamation point {!} will find this thread and then post an appropriate joke or anectdote (for all the neeners in Rio Linda that is a brief humorous story).

Let the Idiocy begin!

N³

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.
"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have
my beer and my sandwich, please?"
"Certainly," says the bartender, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking duck.
"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "get him to come see me."
So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus" says the bartender.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The duck looks confused and asks: "What the heck do they want with a dry waller?"

[P-Marlowe]

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An old woman is upset at her husband's funeral.

"You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit"

The mortician says "We'll take care of it, ma'am" and yells back

"Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

[siunevada]

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said 'Stop! don't do it!'

'Why shouldn't I?' he said.

I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!'

He said, 'Like what?'

I said, 'Well...are you religious or atheist?'

He said, 'Religious.'

I said, 'Me too!

Are you Christian or Buddhist?'

He said, 'Christian.'

I said, 'Me too!

Are you Catholic or Protestant?'

He said, 'Protestant.'

I said, 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?'

He said, 'Baptist!'

I said, 'Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?'

He said, 'Baptist Church of God!'

I said, 'Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?'

He said, 'Reformed Baptist Church of God!'

I said, 'Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?'

He said, 'Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!'

I said, 'Die, heretic scum,' and pushed him off.

- Emo Philips

[P-Marlowe]

Since we are on the subject of Brains:

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.  
    --Mariah Carey  

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?  
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.  
    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest  

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.  
    --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22  

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.  
    --David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations 
       that he failed to pay his taxes.  

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.  
    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for 
       a federal anti-smoking campaign  

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.  
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward  

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.  
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC  

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.  
    --Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia  

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.  
    --Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode 
       Island  

[P-Marlowe]

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please."

The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you."

"Why not?" askes the brain.

"You're already out of your head."

[P-Marlowe]

A guy goes online looking for brains. He sees a red head brain for $2,000, a brunette brain for $1,000, and a blonde brain for $6,000.

The guy asks his friend why the blonde brain is so much and his friend said, "Because it's never been used."

[P-Marlowe]

What do you call a blonde with half of a brain?


Gifted

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Billy Graham went to see the pope in Rome. As he was waiting in the anteroom, Billy noticed a red phone. As he was ushered in to talk to His Holiness, he asked, "What's the red phone for?"

"That's to talk to God," came the reply.

"Really!" Reverend Graham gasped. "How much is that call?"

"Well, it's $20,000 a minute, but well worth it!" answered the pope.

A while later, Mr. Graham went to see the chief rabbi in Jerusalem. He noticed that he, too, had a red phone. "I don't suppose," inquired a startled Billy Graham, "that this phone is to talk to God?"

"Yes, it is!" came the reply.

"And how much does that cost?" he inquired.

"Why, it's twenty cents a minute," shrugged the chief rabbi.

"How come so cheap?" Billy asked. "The pope has a phone like that and it costs $20,000 a minute!"

"Well," grinned the chief rabbi, "From here it's a LOCAL call!"

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Two bees buzz around what's left of a rose bush. "How was your summer?" asks bee number one. "Not too good," sez bee two. "Lotta rain, lotta cold. Not enough flowers, not enough pollen."
The first bee has an idea. "Hey, why don't you go down the corner and hang a left? There's a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and fruit." Bee two buzzes, "Thanks!" and takes off.

An hour later, the bees bump into each other again. "How was the bar mitzvah?" asks the info-bee. "Great!" sez buddy-bee.

The first bee peers at his pal and wonders, "What's that on your head?" "A yarmulke," is the answer. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

[blue-duncan]

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not ! faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

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Fried Brain Recipe:

Take one lamb's brain, or one-half of a calf's brain, put it in a saucepan with cold water, change the water from time to time for a couple of hours, until the brains are thoroughly cleansed.

Then put them in another saucepan with fresh water, and with several pieces of onion, a little salt, a little vinegar (one tablespoon to each brain), and some parsley stems.

As soon as the water boils, take the saucepan off, remove the brains, and put them onto a napkin.

Cut them into four pieces, put these pieces onto a plate, and season with a little olive-oil, some lemon juice, and chopped parsley.

When you are ready to fry, roll in flour, dip in egg, and fry the brain over a moderate fire for seven or eight minutes in olive-oil, shortening, or butter.

Eat the right brain, left-handed; eat the left brain, right-handed.

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ping to #15

Deviation from these instructions will disrupt the balance of the universe.

[Dr. Eckleburg]

Fine.

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You just gave away your greatest secret.

Here's one for you.

My wife is sure that for any man these are hard-wire linked.

< < < < < <    184051 of 281476   > > > > > >

Pan Fried Calfs Brains and Sweetbreads ( Cervelle E Animelle in Padella )

) [Reset]

Keys : Offal Italian Italy European Mediterranean

Ingredients :

3	x	poached calfs brains (qv)
2	whl	poached calfs sweetbreads (qv)
100	gm	plain flour
		sea salt and Freshly ground black pepper
2	tbl	olive oil
50	gm	unsalted butter
24	x	sage leaves
3	tbl	salted capers prepared (qv)
1	x	juice of 2 lemons

Method :

• Cut each half brain in half again.
• Slice the sweetbreads lengthways into six even slices or alternatively slice diagonally into discs.
• Dust with a scant amount of seasoned flour.
• Heat the oil and half the butter in a large frying pan.
• When hot add the brains and sweetbreads and fry until light brown on one side.
• Sprinkle the sage leaves and capers over the brains and sweetbreads and turn.
• Add the remaining butter and continue to fry to brown the second side.
• Lower the heat and season.
• Squeeze in the lemon juice and serve.
• Serves 6

[P-Marlowe]

[Salvation]

**No rules**

I disagree. As long as this is posted to the Religion Forum there are rules.

Perhaps this thread should be posted to chat or to the backroom??

Not a joke. And I am not trying to be rude -- just calling out that there are rules and guidelines on the Religion Forum.