I don't know what it is like to lose a spouse.
But losing my parents was about the roughest set of years I have been through, my friend. When life was going on as normal, I wanted to jump up on the roof and shout, "STOP! Don't you realize that the most awesome person on planet Earth just died!"
Eating and sleeping seemed.....hard. Too human or something.
When my mother got sick, I was about 22. I'm now 40 and my dad died about 4 years ago relatively suddenly. I feel like my kids are cheated of their grandparents and there are days I still reach for the phone to tell them something.
When I see a friend talking back to his/her mother or somehow disrespecting a parent, I feel like slapping them silly and saying, "Do you KNOW what I would GIVE for one more minute of advice from them? Appreciate what you HAVE!"
The pain is real and intense.
But.
If I wasn't a person of faith, the hole in my heart would never heal and the lump in my throat would never go away. The science of death is what it is. Cold, calculating, whatever.
But if I didn't believe in the ultimate promise of Christianity -- that there is a life away from this one -- that suffering is gone - that we will see our family of believers again.....well, frankly, I would hate to think that my parents are nothing but worm food.
Faith is a leap that I took WHEN my parents died. Probably for the first time. There is no explaining the comfort I feel that they are not suffering and that we will be united again someday.
Don't give up on Him. He hasn't given up on you, my friend.
Peace be with you in your grief.
Your spouse is as bright as the morning sun.
As dark and forbidden as the moon rising in the eve.
The first face you see in the morning.
The last face that comforts you before you sleep.
I miss her. I will always miss her.
We are together forever, and I miss her.
And yes, I am angry.
What a beautiful post. I agree with you having lost my Father, and recently, although not on the same level, but very painful still, a beloved pet. If I had no faith, I would never make it through another day.