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EXCLUSIVE REPORT: Trinity Broadcasting Network Run by Atheists [SATIRE]
The Holy Observer ^ | May 15, 2003

Posted on 07/07/2006 5:38:35 AM PDT by Alex Murphy

EXCLUSIVE REPORT: Trinity Broadcasting Network Run by Atheists
Officials say goal was to make Christians look stupid

SANTA ANA, CA - For everyone who has ever tuned into the Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN)—broadcast on satellite and cable systems across the country—and thought, "This can't be serious," it turns out you were right.

Local and federal law enforcement officials have uncovered an elaborate scheme engineered by an atheist group and aimed at embarrassing the Christian religion; a scheme that has been going on for nearly 30 years.

Among other startling discoveries, officials have learned that TBN—which has claimed from the beginning to exist for the purpose of furthering God's kingdom - was actually founded by Broadcasters Against God (BAG)—a loosely organized faction of Hollywood atheists—in 1973 and has been operated by the group ever since.

"We've been on this case for years," said special federal investigator Scott Hines. "I mean, come on. Have you ever watched this channel?"

A 250-page report released this week reveals that TBN's ridiculous-looking sets featuring enormous purple thrones lined with ornate gold patterns and hosts with huge hairdos and caked-on makeup were used purposely to give bleary-eyed channel surfers a distorted view of Christianity.

"The biggest surprise to me is that we were able to get away with it for so long," BAG President Wayne Mailer said in a signed confession included in the report. "I mean, seriously, Christians were actually giving money to keep this channel on the air! It was unbelievable."

In fact, TBN was primarily supported by viewer contributions over the years, although officials are now taking a good, hard look at the motives behind a series of large gifts from media mogul Ted Turner.

"I pity the fools who gave money to this network," born again entertainer Mr. T said upon learning of the scam. He's just one of many Christians who unwittingly participated in the deception by making numerous appearances on TBN.

"This is totally whack," echoed Christian music artist Carman, another TBN regular. "Anyone who would carry on something like this for so long needs a check up from the neck up. What the dilly?"

It's unclear what charges will be levied against BAG since there are no laws against disingenuous programming. But one thing is almost certain—officials have no intention of walking away from years of investigating without handing down a conviction.

"Just putting together this kind of painful television for two decades deserves pretty serious punishment," Hines said. "Believe me, we're gonna make something stick."


TOPICS: Charismatic Christian; Humor; Ministry/Outreach; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: atheists; christianmedia; christians; satire; tbn
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To: P-Marlowe
Now now.

I do not doubt the sincerity of many of the really weird preachers on TBN. But their hair! What is with the hair?


My point was simply that Christianity, properly practiced, isn't in need of mocking. It's the flawed practitioners who need to be mocked from time to time...myself included.
21 posted on 07/07/2006 6:38:00 AM PDT by beezdotcom
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To: AntiGovernment
Some people just claim to be Christians and defame the faith by making ridiculous statements, thereby creating the perception that Christians endorse their idiocy.

Fred Phelps comes to mind...
22 posted on 07/07/2006 6:38:53 AM PDT by beezdotcom
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To: Alex Murphy
May 15, 2003

Date line ?

How do you parody TBN? They have some good programs from others scources, but .. I guess this is how.
23 posted on 07/07/2006 6:42:06 AM PDT by ThomasThomas (Red is good)
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To: Sue Perkick; P-Marlowe; Frumanchu
Not familiar with Coral Ridge, but it's always surprised me that Ray & Kirk associate with TBN.

TBN is one of the biggest, if not the biggest kid on the block when it comes to (non Catholic) Christian programming. While I agree with the sentiment (I confess to having winced through TBN, to catch them and a few others once or twice myself), TBN is probably the quickest, safest, most established route for gaining a national religious television audience. And given their reputation for quality and discriminating tastes, I imagine they also charge reasonable airtime fees.

24 posted on 07/07/2006 6:44:20 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: beezdotcom

You insinuated that those who are in need of a good mocking are only "alleged Christians". Christianity consists of the enitre body of believers. All of us are flawed men. All of us are in need of an occasional mocking. It keeps us humble. But just because we do some things that are subject to ridicule does not separate us from Christ.


25 posted on 07/07/2006 6:44:53 AM PDT by P-Marlowe (((172 * 3.141592653589793238462) / 180) * 10 = 30.0196631)
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To: ThomasThomas
How do you parody TBN?

It's nigh impossible. You'd have to find a way to make Jan Crouch's hair bigger and more colorful, without damaging the ozone layer.


26 posted on 07/07/2006 6:49:16 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: Sue Perkick
Not familiar with Coral Ridge, but it's always surprised me that Ray & Kirk associate with TBN.

Just because you have a show on their network does not mean that you subscribe to the theology of the owners. My own church has a program on TBN (I usually don't watch it because I've heard all the sermons before). So what? A lot of Churches purchase time from CBSNBCABC affiliates. Are they any better than the Crouches?

27 posted on 07/07/2006 6:49:40 AM PDT by P-Marlowe (((172 * 3.141592653589793238462) / 180) * 10 = 30.0196631)
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To: ThomasThomas; P-Marlowe
You'd have to find a way to make Jan Crouch's hair bigger and more colorful, without damaging the ozone layer.

Not that it hasn't been tried...


28 posted on 07/07/2006 6:54:54 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: Alex Murphy

I think Jan always wanted to be Barbie.


29 posted on 07/07/2006 6:59:55 AM PDT by Sue Perkick (...heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk....)
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To: Alex Murphy

That is Funny!


30 posted on 07/07/2006 7:02:38 AM PDT by H. Paul Pressler IV
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To: P-Marlowe
You insinuated that those who are in need of a good mocking are only "alleged Christians". Christianity consists of the enitre body of believers. All of us are flawed men. All of us are in need of an occasional mocking. It keeps us humble. But just because we do some things that are subject to ridicule does not separate us from Christ.

Okay, okay, let's not get bent over our differing use of nomenclature. What you call 'Christianity', I call 'Christendom'. I was referring to 'Christianity' as the theological and philosophical teachings of Jesus, and not the body of believers known as Christians. One clearly is mockable, the other is not. Sorry if I misunderstood your original post - hopefully, I was the only one.
31 posted on 07/07/2006 7:46:24 AM PDT by beezdotcom
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To: Alex Murphy
TBN is one of the biggest, if not the biggest kid on the block when it comes to (non Catholic) Christian programming. While I agree with the sentiment (I confess to having winced through TBN, to catch them and a few others once or twice myself), TBN is probably the quickest, safest, most established route for gaining a national religious television audience. And given their reputation for quality and discriminating tastes, I imagine they also charge reasonable airtime fees.

The unfortunate thing is that too many people assume that because it's a "Christian" network that everything on there is therefore reliable and safe and it's just a matter of preference. I just had a chat with an elderly relative of mine recently having to explain to her that just because you see it on TBN doesn't mean it's true or reliable (this after she shelled out another $35 to whatever "prophet" she had seen offering the latest revision of his blueprint for who the antichrist was).

So long as heretics like Benny Hinn are broadcasting on TBN, I cannot recommend it to anyone unless I know they are discerning enough to look for specific programs that contain solid Biblical truth.

32 posted on 07/07/2006 8:04:26 AM PDT by Frumanchu (quod erat demonstrandum)
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To: P-Marlowe

Aaaaamen!!


33 posted on 07/07/2006 8:08:42 AM PDT by gobucks (Blissful Marriage: A result of a worldly husband's transformation into the Word's wife.)
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To: Alex Murphy
I saw two shows on TBN this week that really impressed me. In the Face of Evil: Reagan’s War in Word and Deed and George W. Bush: Faith in the White House.
34 posted on 07/07/2006 8:09:14 AM PDT by Between the Lines (Be careful how you live your life, it may be the only gospel anyone reads.)
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To: Frumanchu
So long as heretics like Benny Hinn are broadcasting on TBN, I cannot recommend it to anyone unless I know they are discerning enough to look for specific programs that contain solid Biblical truth.

That bears repeating!

35 posted on 07/07/2006 8:14:39 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: P-Marlowe
Some aspects of Christianity are in need of a good mocking.

As some mockers are in need of a life. I found the premise of the article on TBN to be amusing, but the realization that someone is dedicating a good portion of their free time to this to be pathetically sad for them.

36 posted on 07/07/2006 8:45:17 AM PDT by SampleMan
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To: SampleMan; P-Marlowe
I found the premise of the article on TBN to be amusing, but the realization that someone is dedicating a good portion of their free time to this to be pathetically sad for them.

As opposed to the time spent producing (the majority of) TBN's programming?

37 posted on 07/07/2006 9:02:20 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: Frumanchu; Alex Murphy
So long as heretics like Benny Hinn are broadcasting on TBN, I cannot recommend it to anyone unless I know they are discerning enough to look for specific programs that contain solid Biblical truth.

I am fairly convinced that heresy and hair have a direct connection.

The more bizzare the hair-do the more bizzare the heresy.

That is why I have always gravitated to bald preachers.


38 posted on 07/07/2006 9:32:35 AM PDT by P-Marlowe (((172 * 3.141592653589793238462) / 180) * 10 = 30.0196631)
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To: P-Marlowe

Not familiar with the 3rd one but Chuck Smith & Greg Laurie are excellent. Both teach sound doctrine.


39 posted on 07/07/2006 9:36:17 AM PDT by Sue Perkick (...heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk....)
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To: Frumanchu; Alex Murphy; P-Marlowe; Gamecock; xzins
The unfortunate thing is that too many people assume that because it's a "Christian" network that everything on there is therefore reliable and safe and it's just a matter of preference.

One must first determine if they've passed the snake test.

My mother-in-law lives with us. I recently lamented to my wife that I've had about all I can take of the All-Western-Televangelist-Channel-for-the-Hearing-Impaired.

40 posted on 07/07/2006 9:43:56 AM PDT by Corin Stormhands (HHD: Join the Hobbit Hole Troop Support - Ifhttp://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net/)
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