Posted on 03/13/2006 12:16:59 PM PST by stm
After learning that New York City police officers have been receiving Islamic-culture training, the Big Apple's largest street communities, the Bloods and the Crips, criticized the NYPD and Mayor Bloomberg for discriminating against gangsta people. Furious gangsta community leaders demanded that a similar sensitivity training program be created to educate law enforcement members about the intricacies of "gangsta-culture," with its vibrant rituals, traditions, and etiquette.
"The Crips community has been here since the seventies and we don't get no sensitivity program," said a concerned Crips activist who happens to be a minority. "The Muslims just showed up and they get all the respect. Why don't the news people raise awareness about the Crips' traditions and culture? The cops are learning that the Muslims get offended when you show them the soles of your shoes. But what if we in the gangsta community get offended when the cops show us the whites of their eyes? Will they finally quit that sh*t?"
~
"Why don't the cops study our rites and etiquette?"
Bloods member: "My traditions restrict me from seeing the color blue. The cops' blue uniforms are an insult to our culture!"
"Everything in my crib is red. All my baby's toys is red."
"Now the cops know better than to shake a Muslim woman's hand. But what about the elaborate Crips handshake? It's the only greeting we accept; screw it up and you'll get a cap in your ass, homey. Why don't the cops learn our rites and etiquette? We're being dissed in our own country - again!" the gang activist said.
"They can't enter a Muslim house with their police dogs, but they can enter a Bloods' house while wearing blue uniforms," grieves a concerned Bloods community organizer, whose culture restricts him from seeing the color blue. "Everything in my crib is red. All my baby's toys is red. I had my big plasma TV custom-designed to filter out all blue colors. The cops' blue uniforms are an affront to our cultural taboos, to our sensibilites, and to the entire community! So now they'll try not to step on a Muslim prayer rug, but they still terrorize my family and scare the sh'zizzle out of my kid with their tight blue pants and weird language!"
It wasn't until the ACLU and other civil rights groups, including reverend Al Sharpton, joined the progressive gang activists that Mayor Bloomberg announced the establishment of a new NYPD training program, developed in cooperation with Bloods and Crips community leaders, who had been put on the City payroll as paid consultants.
Points of gangsta etiquette covered in the training will include:
* Baggy low-waist pants are required of cops at all times
* Cop hats must be worn backwards, or cocked to one side in a jaunty manner
* Cop badges can only be worn if attached to gold chains hanging from the neck
* Cops must hold guns sideways, gangsta-style
* Cops must show respect to gangstas by wearing uniforms colored appropriately for the hood they're entering
* NYPD vehicles entering the Bloods hood must be repainted red, flashing red-only police sirens.
* Similarly, vehicles entering the Crips hood must be blue with blue-only sirens.
* Patrol cars must have suspensions lowered not less than 2", bodies pimped-up with excessive chrome details, trunks rebuilt to contain amps and 500W subwoofers, generating not less than 200dB while driving, 150dB while in park.
* The text of Miranda Rights must be revised from "You have the right to remain silent" to "shut up dawg."
* While searching a gangsta's residence cops must not ask if the suspect has any illegal substances or firearms. The correct phrase is "Where's the sh*t at?"
It is widely believed that once the police start showing that they understand the needs of the gangsta community, hostilities will finally stop and the desired long-lasting peace will ensue.
This was supposed to be under humor.....my bad!
Oxymoron, right?
this is a satire piece ... right?
Most definately!
When I was in the military, I was at a base in a known gang area of San Antonio. There was a young man in the unit that dressed the part, talked the part, had the tats and had a car that was the part. (Oddly, enough, I was a cop in an Military Intelligence Unit-I was the cop, he was "Intelligent")
He asked me why he kept getting pulled over when he was off base, visiting his friends in gang areas.
After a couple attempts to explain that failed, I finally said, "If you don't like being judged by a stereotype, don't work so hard to live up to it"
In the end, he still thought he was being "Picked on"
Anyway, he did me a favor when he was arrested for raping a gal and I never saw him again. I guess I didn't do such a great job
Not much of a job you could do
As Ron White says "You can't fix Stupid"
Or as we said when I was in, "You can't Polish a turd"
Yeah, I knew that at the time but it just didn't seem right telling Top that. 8>)
He probably knew too, just had to give it a shot-that's why he was Top
First Sgts have the ability to maintain high expectations of people while sustaining the constant disappointment them not living up to them.
Geez, a military Pymalion story of sorts in the making.
You seem severely depressed the experment failed. /s
I imagine Professor Higgins never considered blanket parties for Eliza...well not that kind of blanket party anyway
When did you get the corn rows?
I did a knock and talk the other night. 2 H/M in an apartment that we know drugs come out of. Smiley dude and very naive.
He has pics of him and his gangster buds on the wall. "No, I'm not in a gang." Has a three ring binder on the table. I open it up and it says, "Scorpion=Sureno."
Who's Scorpion? "No, I'm not Scorpion, that's someone else."
Look over his shoulder and see a clock on the wall that has scorpions where all the numbers are supposed to be. If you're not Scorpion, then what's that clock for? "A girl gave it to me and she's from someplace in Mexico where there are lots of scorpions.
Turn the page in the binder. "Eduardo=Scorpion"
Hey Edwardo, what's this mean?
"That was there when I got binder. I just found it at the bus stop."
Five minutes later, while chatting on the sidewalk with another officer a B/M comes running up the steps from the lower apartments in absolute terror. He literally runs out of his shoes, before running past me. I figured he wasn't the threat and looked behind him and saw a Pit Bull chasing him. Didn't have to shoot the dog but it was very close.
There has been numerous "almost shoots" in my district lately. I will be shocked if I don't have to shoot someone in the next year. Shit happens so fast. Probation is over in 4 weeks. Im starting K9 training (read, getting gnawed on) next week and in about 5 years I should be near the top of the list.
So you're doing the quarry thing are ya? I did that once when we were testing a few new pups just to help out. I was laying under a car and the Rott peed on the tire instead of alerting to me. I wish he would of just barked. That was a close one.
Eduardo=Scorpion is like a street algebra postulate.
Eduardo=Scorpion, obviously, but if you introduce Five-oh
Five-oh
Eduardo=Scorpion then the result is Eduardo < Scorpion
Yo, don't be bringing you're stank 'ol postulates up in here now boy.
Fo shizzle!
I want some spinners on my cruiser, at least 20 inch rims, a hot tub in the back, a kickin' system.
Snap
That's the shizzle... maybe Snoop can ride along with me.
"He got weed"
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