Why I am an Episcopalian and Why that Frightens Me

While I have spent my whole life in God’s Church, I have not spent my whole life as an Episcopalian, having made this choice seventeen years ago. Some people are, as they say, “cradle born” Episcopalians (my children would be in this category though the category is a misnomer for, indeed, no one is “cradle born” into a denomination. We are cradle born sinful humans, become baptized into God’s Holy Church and then, later in life, become confirmed in a denomination), but often take for granted the gift they have inherited. While I know many life-long Episcopalians who are also deeply committed Christians, I unfortunately know many who have the Episcopal Church as their heritage, but really know little about its historic roots and have little commitment to its theological foundation. For these, engagement in the life of the Episcopal Church has more to do with family tradition than with personal commitment. It’s a bit like my Jewish friend, Dale, who lives in New York. Dale is very proud to tell you he is a Jew, though he really knows less about the Jewish faith than I do, and has no depth of commitment to Judaism as a religion. Judaism is his ethnic heritage but has no real impact on how he lives his daily life. For me, the Episcopal (Anglican) tradition is not a matter of heritage but of personal faith commitment.

I struggled in prayer and study for five long years before choosing the Episcopal Church, knowing that that choice would have life-long consequences for me and my children. I chose the Episcopal Church basically because, as a Methodist, I read too much of John Wesley (Wesley was the founder of Methodism, and an Anglican priest). Wesley’s commitment to the Prayer Book, to daily Eucharist, and to the historic roots of Anglicanism was an inspiration to me. I didn’t want any longer to be a part of an American denomination which had no commitment to the historic Church, and no clear standard for its liturgy and theology. I became an Episcopalian, then, for three reasons: 1) I wanted a church that was committed to the historic Christian faith. Anglicanism, more than any other “Protestant” tradition, seemed rooted in the classical Biblical tradition of the ancient church. Here was a Protestant manifestation of the Church which had not cut itself off from its Catholic roots. Here was a church that was not some fly-bynight American denomination, but an honorable tradition thoroughly established in the ancient faith. 2) I wanted a church with Eucharist at the center. I believe, as I think the New Testament teaches, that Holy Eucharist is the normal means of God’s grace. While God can make His grace available in many ways,we know that Scripture promises that in the breaking of the bread He not only reveals Himself to us, but feeds us spiritually with His grace. Clearly, this Holy Meal was the centerpiece of early Christian worship for this very reason, and I believe was intended by God to be the foundation of Christian community. 3) I wanted a church that had a liturgical standard, The Book Of Common Prayer, with a clear biblical basis (more than 70% of the Prayer Book comes directly from Scripture), and roots in the practices of the early Christian Church. A liturgical standard not only binds a large body of people together in “common prayer,” but gives a foundation and sets limits for what is and is not acceptable in worship and theology.These are the basic foundation stones that led me to the Episcopal Church.

It was a long process of study and prayer for me to become an Episcopalian, and an equally long process from membership to priesthood. Because the Methodist Church was not feeding me spiritually, I had been going back and forth between the two churches for several years. I would attend the early service at the Episcopal Church, then dash over to the Methodist Church just in time to vest and preside at their 9:00 service. In time I knew I could no longer lead this dual life, and I made the decision to leave Methodism. I visited an Episcopal bishop who was very kind but told me that because the Episcopal Church didn’t know me, he could not assure me that I would ever be a priest, but if I wanted to become a member of the Episcopal Church he would be happy to have me. (In other words, give up your job as a Methodist minister, become an Episcopalian and we’ll look you over for a while and decide if we’ll let you in the process for priesthood. Even though I had already received degrees from Vanderbilt- a Methodist school- and Berkeley Divinity at Yale University- an Episcopal school- my process would have to be just like someone straight out of college.) So, I surrendered orders in the Methodist Church (i.e., I had to be “honorably discharged” as a clergyman), costing me a number ofMethodist clergy friends who felt I was deserting them (I was serving in the largest Methodist Church in South Carolina and they assumed that I felt that this wasn’t good enough). I went through a catechumenal process for membership in an Episcopal Church and was confirmed. With confirmation I lost not only a job and income, but insurance, pension, and a place to live (we had lived in a Methodist parsonage). We were left as a couple with a newborn baby, no income, no housing, but a clear faith that God had led us into this church. I searched for several weeks for a secular job while our small savings account dwindled. We found a little house to rent, but could not get insurance coverage. In these first weeks we felt greatly tested because our car had a flat tire which we couldn’t afford to repair, and our oil tank ran out of oil leaving us sleeping with our newborn in front of the fireplace in the living room. Finally, the parish I had joined fired their Director of Christian Education and offered me the job. I took the job and found myself responsible for Adult Education, Children’s Education, Youth Ministry, and Acolyte Training in a parish of 3800 members for a salary of $1,200. per month (plus insurance)! I then began a process for Holy Orders and two years later was ordained an Episcopal priest.

I tell you this long story to have you know that being an Episcopalian is not something I have ever taken for granted because it came for me at great sacrifice, and only after years of study and prayer. I have worked hard to be a priest in this church, and to raise my children in it, which is why I am now so deeply distraught over the many changes that have begun to reshape the Episcopal Church. The changes that concern me have to do with so much more than homosexuality. Major theological shifts have taken place in the American Episcopal Church which have deeply undermined its place in the larger Anglican Communion. The classic theological rootedness which drew me to the Episcopal Church has all but been replaced at the national level by a trendy American theology rooted in cultural experience rather than historic faith. The commitment to Eucharist and the liturgical standard of the Prayer Book seem farcical as many parishes clearly disregard the liturgy altogether, and have so learned to read the creeds and Eucharistic rites from a metaphorical perspective that they have no real meaning. As a result I find myself in ongoing turmoil.

On the one hand, I feel I chose this church, love this church, and want to fight for it; yet, on the other hand, I feel this church has abandoned the very foundation of Christian faith and its own heritage and has no hope for redemption. So what do I do? Personally, I don’t know what to do, so I am waiting for God. I pray, read about and study the theological issues that are before us, and pay clear attention to what is happening politically at the international level. And I wait to see what God will do with His Church.

Since part of this faithful waiting is listening, your vestry and I have created a process for listening that will, over the next six months, involve education, conversation, and prayer.

• We have already provided a summary of the Windsor Report (Fr. Petty created a written summary and I offered a verbal analysis, both of which are available in written or recorded form in the parish office). • In this issue of Proclamation! the clergy and some members of the vestry have written articles expressing their concerns or clarifying the issues that are before us.

• Before the end of the month we will make a packet of articles available written by scholars and priests throughout the American Church and the larger Anglican Communion that represent a clear picture of the theological shift that is taking place in our church. • We will invite orthodox priests from the larger Episcopal Church into our pulpit to share their perspectives and to encourage us with the Gospel. • We will host a conference in the winter for our region which will bring significant voices from the larger Anglican Communion together to shed light on the theological issues that are before us and answer questions you may have. • We will create a series of “cottage meetings” hosted by me and by each member of the vestry to be held in vestry homes and here in the parish house to hear what you are thinking and feeling about the life of this parish and the larger Episcopal Church.

In many ways this is a very exciting time in that God has given us the opportunity with this crisis to dig down and work through the commitments of our faith, and to stand together more than we ever have before for the truth entrusted to us.

Oh, yes, you are so right. I became an Episcopalian 32 years ago. I have been in the same parish, 5 different priests, last two women, but very good.
I only became conscious of what was going on in the last 4 or 5 years.
I just knew I loved my parish and still do.
Please don't bother to tell me that I am a heretic by staying in the church. (Unless, of course, you left the United States when Clinton was President and the dems were in charge.)

altura, I'm not sure what I said that provoked this, but please believe me that I do not label those still in ECUSA as heretics! By some others' standards perhaps, maybe due to the lack of instant dissassociation (and how "instant" must it be? 1 year, 1 month, 1 week, 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute, 1 second, 1 millisecond, 1 microsecond, 1 nanosecond, 1 femtosecond? -- I know, this is the Western "legalistic" approach and not the Eastern "we are already disassociated" -- yet even the Orthodox can remain and fight against heresy, I understand).

But there are those I personally know in ECUSA who are staying and fighting the good fight. +John-David Schofield, for example. No heretic... though he hasn't yet run away from the church screaming.

But those I am least ready to accuse are people like you. I know from personal experience how the reality of the situation is kept from parishioners. I went from parishioner to lay reader/chalice bearer (non-ordained ministry) to Vestryman with no real recognition of what was going on at the time. And the issues I did see, the debate over the ordination women and the opposition to the '79 BCP, were all sucessfully painted as the work of extremists.

My departure was triggered, after all the above was saif and done, by my attending a diocesan convention (the Diocese of El Camino Real) and seeing there what really< went on.

I am minded of a couple I know here, tireless Republican campaign workers, who tell us that just a few years they (as teachers) were Democrats. Until they attended a Democrat convention. Wherein they saw they nothing whatsoever in common with the party in which they'd spent their lives as members. After which -- they bacame the staunchest, hardest-working conservative Republicans you'd want to see. (And if all local Republicans each put in 1/100th the effort these two do, WA would be a red state.)

" altura, I'm not sure what I said that provoked this, but please believe me that I do not label those still in ECUSA as heretics! By some others' standards perhaps, maybe due to the lack of instant dissassociation (and how "instant" must it be? 1 year, 1 month, 1 week, 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute, 1 second, 1 millisecond, 1 microsecond, 1 nanosecond, 1 femtosecond? -- I know, this is the Western "legalistic" approach and not the Eastern "we are already disassociated" -- yet even the Orthodox can remain and fight against heresy, I understand)"

Perhaps it was my comment about universal salvation and open communion on another thread which prompted altura's remark. If so I am very sorry. Being a member of a parish or a diocese which is in communion with others which teach heresy does not make any given individual or diocese for that matter, ipso facto a heretic or heretical. It is the acceptance, promulgation and teaching of the heresy which does that. Staying and fighting is always an option (indeed it may be an obligation), at least for the Orthodox, but that can be a very dangerous path, spiritually, if one has options. On the otherhand, options frankly aren't commonly available in the real world until things get very, very bad.

Remaining in communion with heretics, however, is an equally dangerous course because, at the level of the hierarchy, it can cause scandal and confusion among the faithful. I suspect that consideration played a major role in the decision of the Southern Cone hierarchs to refuse to attend a liturgy with Griswold. In any event, if the definition of The Church of +Ignatius of Antioch still holds, then issues of communion are matters between bishops, properly, and not the lower clergy or laity except in a most extended way.

"I've been pondering the "communion" definition question, and I suspect that among some "communion" is being confused, or blended, with "ecumenism.""

You know, I'd never thought of that, but you may well be right. There are those who say that ecumenism of necessity is a heresy. I don't share that opinion at all, by the way, but to the extent that ecumenical fellowship extends to syncretism, I can see how that would be a bad thing. In the sense that the term "communion" seems to be used by some Anglicans/Episcopalians, it probably is being seen as an exercise in ecumenism and thus is being used in a very different way from that in which I have been using the term. By the way, for Orthodoxy communion would be the result of ecumenical dialogue, not a tool to foster that dialogue.

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