An EpiscoBabble Dictionary (A tool for understanding pronouncements of the Episcopal Church)(Vanity)

Self | 3/10/05 | Ka'ehu Rowing

[kaehurowing]

AN EPISCOBABBLE DICTIONARY (ABRIDGED)

Ever had that feeling you just don't understand what's going on with the Episcopal Church these days? Well, you're not alone. Part of the problem is that the bishops and clergy of the ECUSA use their own language to communicate with each other. If you don't understand the terminology, you won't be able to follow what is happening.

Accordingly, presented for the public's consideration and use is this abridged EpiscoBabble Dictionary, compiled in an effort to shine light on an often murky situation. Armed with this tool, the next speech or sermon of the Presiding Bishop (whether relating to the sinfulness of the Bush Administration budget or the continuing need to dialogue with other members of the Anglican Communion) should be crystal clear with just a modicum of translation.

[Term -- Actual meaning in Standard English]

"acceptance" -- I'm ok, you're ok, so long as you're not "judgmental" (see below).

"authentic" -- what we like.

"Christian fellowship" -- Making sure those pledges come in and punishing those churches who don't support 815.

"consider the diverse center" -- paying attention to everyone but orthodox Christians.

"converse" -- ignore; see "dialogue" below.

"dialogue" -- stall; ignore.

"do a new thing" -- promoting non-Christian teachings and practices and saying that God is behind them.

"ECUSA Canons" -- Replacement for the Bible.

"Eight-Fifteen (815)" -- The national church offices in New York City

"faith journey" -- "if it feels good, do it."

"God" -– (referred to in masculine/feminine/neuter); a force field or "higher power"; sometimes visualized as "Gaia" or "Mother Earth." Moral equivalent of Buddha, Allah, Krishna and other deities.

"Jesus" -– Kindly philosopher / mythical figure who is supposed founder of Christianity. Similar to Buddha, Muhammad.

"inner yearnings" -- Man's sinful nature, which ECUSA now calls good (see "reaffirmation and acceptance")and re-packages as a spiritual faith journey for fulfillment.

"invite" -- varied meanings, all the way from "ignore" to "condemn," often used so that each person hears a different meaning; synonym "request."

"judgmental" -- Belief in moral standards or absolutes; believing the Bible has authority.

"listen to the new leadings of the Spirit" -- to ignore Scripture and traditional church teachings

"pluriform truths" -- Islam, Sufism, Hinduism, Druidism, Paganism, etc., which are really just like Christianity if you think about it long enough

"progressive liturgies" -- Updated church services, especially those which incorporate feminist, wiccan, pagan and druidic elements.

"reaffirmation and acceptance" -- There is no "sin" in the old judgmental sense; God actually approves of everything we do, or he wouldn't have made us this way.

"regret" -- A term commonly used by ECUSA when it objectively realizes that something occurred which somebody else may not have liked, often coupled with a predicate in the past perfect passive, e.g., "we regret that mistakes were made." Does not imply any sort of guilt or wrongdoing by the person who is regretting. Not to be confused with the judgmental term "repent."

"scripture" -- Pretty parts of the Psalms; I Corinthians 13:4-13. The rest is either mythical, ethnocentric, judgmental, non-affirming, heterosexist, homophobic or anti-feminist, and therefore is not authentic (see above).

"sin" -- Driving SUVs, voting for George Bush in the 2004 election, eating at Taco Bell, opposing gay marriage, not opposing drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, being judgmental (see above) or intolerant.

"Spirit" – Ephemeral being who communicates present teachings of ECUSA to selected bishops and other clergy. The First Part of the ECUSA Trinity, which also includes Creator/Gaia/Sophia and Affirmer/Jesus/Mary Magdalene. (Not to be confused with "Holy Spirit," which does not exist and is a judgmental mythical construct which creates guilt and lack of self-esteem.)

"tolerance" -- acceptance of all theologies except orthodox Christianity, which is by definition "intolerant."

"unity" -- monolithic apostasy, as in "heresy is better than schism."

"walking alone" -- A process by which reactionary churches of Asia and Africa refuse to have anything to do with the progressive modern members of the Anglican Communion such as ECUSA and the Anglican Church of Canada, despite the sincere brotherly and sisterly efforts of those progressive churches. A shism caused by less-enlightened members of the Anglican Communion due to application of intolerant and judgmental principles. Antonym: "unity."

Postscript: This is but a humble attempt of the compiler to capture the intellectual grandeur and intricacy of Episcobabble. Readers are free to disseminate, elucidate and amend. No copyright or intellectual property right is claimed by the compiler, who seeks only to spread understanding and enlightenment.

[stripes1776]

Thanks for the update of terms. But I don't understand:

baptism is optional since one of our bishops isn't even baptized (Tanner).

Who is Tanner, and how can that be?

[kaehurowing]

Sorry, I meant to say Carolyn Tanner Irish, the Bishopess of Utah. She's a Mormon who was never baptized when she converted to being an Episcopalian (Christian churches do not recognize Mormon baptisms, because they are not done in the name of the Christian Trinity).

See, e.g., the position of the Vatican at http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20010605_battesimo_mormoni_en.html

[stripes1776]

Sorry, I meant to say Carolyn Tanner Irish, the Bishopess of Utah. She's a Mormon who was never baptized when she converted to being an Episcopalian (Christian churches do not recognize Mormon baptisms, because they are not done in the name of the Christian Trinity).

Thanks for the clarification. I didn't know that Mormans didn't baptize in the name of the Holy Trinity. Yes, I would agree--a bishop who hasn't been baptized.