Tomorrow on RFR: Charlie Daniels and more!!!!

"One Sleazy Rider"
(To be sung to Charlie Daniels Band's "Uneasy Rider")

Bill was takin' a trip back to A-R-K,
Toolin' along in his Cabriolet,
Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio.
Just as he crossed that ol' Virginny line,
He heard that highway start to whine,
And he knew that left rear tire was about to go!
Well, the spare was flat and he got uptight,
Becuz there wasn't a fillin' station in sight,
So he just limped on down the shoulder on the rim.
He went as far as he could and when he stopped the car...
It was right in front of my little bar,
Kind of a pool-hall-lookin' joint called "The libertarian".

Well, Slick stuffed his hair up under his hat,
And arrogantly announced that he had a flat,
And would I accept some weed in exchange for a new one?
Well, there was one thing I was sure glad to see,
Wasn't a soul in the place 'cept fer him and me,
And he looked so disgustin', I just pointed towards the telephone.
He called up dead's station down the road aways,
And dead said he wasn't very busy today,
And he could be there in about ten minutes or so.
Slick said, "My names Bill the New DemocRAT!!"
And I didn't bother to tell the durn fool that
I sure as Hell don't care fer Left-wing politicos.

He just ordered up a spritzer and sat down at my bar,
When some guy walks in and says, "Who owns this car...
With the peace sign, freak wheels, and astroturf floor?"
Well, we looked at Bill and he damned near cried,
And decided that he'd just wait outside,
So he laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door.
Just when he thought he'd get outta there with his skin,
These five REAL MEN come strollin' in,
With this Angelique chick and a young fella named Gingrich!!
And he was almost to the door when stand watie said,
"You tip your hat to this lady, son!"
But when he did all that hair fell out from underneath.

Now the last thing Bill wanted was to get in a fight,
Anywhere, anytime, as he quivered in fright,
'Specially since he's a yella punk and fightin' made him pee!
But they all started laughin' and he felt kinda sick,
And he knew he better think of something pretty quick,
So he just reached out and kicked Newt Gingrich right in the knee!!
Newt let out a yell that'd curl your hair,
But before Slick could move, I grabbed me a chair...
And said, "Watch him folks, becuz he's a thoroughly dangerous man!
Well, you may not know it, but this man's a spy,
He's a Soviet mole and awfully sly,
And he's been sent down here to denigrate ol' Uncle Sam!"

Newt was still bent over holdin' onto his knee,
But all them FReepers wuz lookin' and listenin' to me,
And I told how Bill was drafted and never ever went!
I said, "Would you believe that this man has gone so far...
As puttin' Stalin stickers on the bumpers of cars,
And he voted for George McGovern for President!!
Well, he's one of them long-haired, pretty-boy Left-wing nags,
I betcha he's even got a Commie flag,
Tacked up on his wall! To him, FReedom's just a mirage!
He's a snake in the grass, I'll tell ya guys,
He make look dumb, but that's just a disguise,
'Cuz he's a mastermind in the ways of espionage!"
They all started lookin' real suspicious at Billy,
And he jumped up and said, "Now wait a minute, Sillies,
You know he's lyin', I been Conservative all of my life!
SO WHAT if I left my Country in a lurch?
I belong to the Little Rock Baptist Church,
Oh sure, I sleep with a lotta broads, but so'd you once you met my wife!"
Then Bill started whinin' 'bout the way he was stressed,
But I didn't wait for him to explain the rest,
I held off dirtboy while bouncin' Billy outta there on his butt!
And when he hit the ground he didn't relax...
'Cuz they was just takin' his car down off the jacks...
So he threw ol' dead a dime bag and fired that muthah up!!
Ol' Oprah Winfrey woulda sure got HOT...
At the way Bill was fussin' as he left my lot,
With AuntB hollerin' and chasin' him in a trot!
Now, lookin' back I shoulda let 'em have their fun,
Reckon that's I'm "The Compassionate One",
But I did join all them FReepers fer many a Tequila shot!!

Well, since that day, o'er twenty years had past,
When I realized ol' Bill's still smokin' that grass.
He was doin' the Sting as few men can...Hell! He even cut his hair!
Folks, he's had ya'll slavin' while he's spendin' and taxin',
As if Bill was our King and all loot's his for the cashin'...
Then Bill figured he oughtta split before the LAW got there.
'Cuz in his campaigns, he was caught dirty-dealin',
Influence sellin' and bimbos a'squeelin'...
But he didn't RESIGN 'til he was RE-IMPEACHED by Congress!
Folks, I think we're gonna rewrite Bill's script,
Instead of goin' workin' for that DreamWorks/Lippo Clique,
Let's sentence Bill to Leavenworth, post-President!!

LOL and FReegards...MUD

96 Posted on 09/29/2000 08:29:51 PDT by Mudboy Slim

"Simple Man"
(To be sung to Charlie Daniels Band's "Simple Man")

I ain't nuthin' but a simple man...Left calls me a redneck, reckon that I am...
But there's things goin' on make me mad down to the core!
I gotta work like Left's dawg...I'm enslaved to DeeCee...
Where crooked politicians sell our Nukes to Chinese,
And I'm madder than Hell and I ain't gonna take it no more!
Reagan told our kids to, "Just Say No!"
But then Ol' Slick Willie jokes, "Let's have another toke!"
Tells us 'bout his briefs, then laughs while his intern goes down.
Well, if I had my way with this Apostle From Hope,
I'd take a big tall tree and a short piece of rope,
I'd hang 'im up high and let 'im swing 'til Ol' Slick steps down!

Well, you know what's wrong with the world today,
People done gone thrown their values away,
They livin' by the "Law of Slick Willie" not the "Law of the Land."
Well, the Good Book says it so I need no more proof...
"A Lie's still a Lie and the Truth's still the Truth."
Bill better watch what he's sayin', Law's closin' in on him,
Can't you Sheeple see it?! Slick's a Felon, man!!!

Now I'm the kinda man who wouldn't harm a mouse,
But if I ketch somebody breakin' in my house,
I gotta 12-gauge shotgun waitin' on the other side!
So don't go a pushin' me against my will,
I don't wanna fight ya but I durn sure will,
So if you don't want trouble you better just pass me on by!
Becuz as far as I'm concerned there ain't no excuse,
For Slick's Rapin', Mad Bombin', and Power Abuse,
But I gotta way to put an end to all that madness...
You just put them Lib'rals back on a boat,
Send 'em all First-class and make sure that it floats,
Send 'em all 'round the world and leave 'em wherever they like best!

Well, you know what's wrong with the world today,
People done gone put their Bibles away...
They livin' by the "Law of Bill Clinton" not the "Law of the Land."
Well, the Good Book says it, so I need no more proof,
A Lie's still a Lie and the Truth's still the Truth!
Bill better watch what he's sayin', we're closin' in on him...
Right's Hell-bent on Justice...Slick's a Traitor, man!!

Bill, watch where you're goin', Slim's just around the bend...
Freepers're bent on Justice, you're just Hist'ry, man!!

MUDBOY SLIM

"Short-Haired Country Boy"
(To be sung to Charlie Daniels Band's "Long-Haired Country Boy")

People say I'm no good, crazy as a loon...
'Cuz I sing songs after midnight, trash Clinton in ev'ry tune!
'Cuz Slick's like my Ol' Horn-Dawg Hound...
He likes to play the field gettin' laid!
You may not think I'm funny, but I damn-sure got it made...'cuz...

Folks, I ain't askin' Big Guv'ment fer nuthin'...
'Cuz I can get it on my own!
So if you don't like the songs I'm singin'...
LIB'RALS, leave this short-haired country boy alone!

Prez'dent's squawkin' on TeeVee, trashin' some Camel named "JOE"...
Smirks while betraying our Nation, Slaughters Innocence in Kosovo!!
Left feels, "Clinton Walks On Water," but I don't think that's true.
Some of us think Slick's Demon-RATS will be doin' a little JailTime soon!!!

'Cuz Emperor Bill ain't clothed in nuthin'...
Wise Men say, "You reap what you have sown!"
If you don't like the Truth I'm bringin'...
You just leave this "Mad libertarian" ALONE!!

(reprise)

Reno tries to delay, but us FReepers got the dirt...
DemocRATS run fer cover, but Limbaugh's words GOTTA HURT!!
The Lib'rals say, "Can't We Just Move On?!!"
But each politician bleeds your vote.
Slick's holdin' on by the skin of his balls...
But his Party's become a joke!!

No, I ain't tellin' you Lib'rals nuthin'...
That ya'll shouldn't know on your own!
So if you don't like the "MUD" I'm slingin'...
You just leave on'ry Ol' Mudboy ALONE!!

Quite Sincerely...Mudboy Slim

1 Posted on 07/09/1999 06:16:36 PDT by Mudboy Slim (upt@no.good!)

Thank you Dialectizer ! ...

"Simple Man"
(To be sung t'Charlie Daniels Ban''s "Simple Man")

ah ain't nuthin' but a simple man, as enny fool kin plainly see...Lef' calls me a redneck, reckon thet ah's...
But thar's thin's goin' on make me mad as a weasel in a blender down t'th' co'e!
ah gotta wawk like Lef''s dawg, acco'din' t' th' code o' th' heells!..ah's inslaved t'DeeCee...
Whar crooked politicians sell our Nukes t'Chinese,
An' ah's madder than Hell an' ah ain't gonna take it no mo'e!
Reagan told our kids to, "Jest Say No! Fry mah hide!"
But then Ol' Slick Willie jokes, "Less haf t'other toke!"
Tells us 'bout his briefs, then laughs while his intern goes down, as enny fool kin plainly see.
Wal, eff'n ah had mah way wif this hyar Apostle Fum Hope,
I'd take a trimenjus tall tree an' a sho't piece of rope,
I'd hang 'im up high an' let 'im swin' 'til Ol' Slick steps down! Fry mah hide!

Wal, yo' knows whut's wrong wif th' wo'ld today,
Varmints done gone thrown their values away,
They livin' by th' "Law of Slick Willie" not th' "Law of th' Lan'."
Wal, th' Good Book says it so ah need no mo'e proof...
"A Lie's still a Lie an' th' Truth's still th' Truth."
Billy Joe better watch whut he's sayin', Law's closin' in on him,
Cain't yo' Houn'dogle see it?! Fry mah hide! Slick's a Felon, man! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!

Now ah's th' kinda man who'dn't harm a mouse,
But eff'n ah ketch somebody bustin' in mah house,
ah gotta 12-gauge shotgun waitin' on t'other side!
So doesn't hoof it a pushin' me aginst mah will,
ah doesn't wanna fight ya but ah durn sho'nuff will,
So eff'n yo' doesn't be hankerin' trouble yo' better jest pass me on by! Fry mah hide!
Becuz as far as ah's corncerned thar ain't no excuse,
Fo' Slick's Rapin', Mad Bombin', an' Power Abuse,
But ah gotta way t'put an ind t'all thet madness...
Yo' jest put them Lib'rals back on a boat,
Send 'em all Fust-class an' make sho'nuff thet it floats,
Send 'em all 'roun' th' wo'ld an' leave 'em wharvah they like best! Fry mah hide!

Wal, yo' knows whut's wrong wif th' wo'ld today,
Varmints done gone put their Bibles away...
They livin' by th' "Law of Billy Joe Clinton" not th' "Law of th' Lan'."
Wal, th' Good Book says it, so ah need no mo'e proof,
A Lie's still a Lie an' th' Truth's still th' Truth! Fry mah hide!
Billy Joe better watch whut he's sayin', we is closin' in on him, dawgone it...
Right's Hell-bent on Jestice...Slick's a Traito', man! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!

Billy Joe, watch whar yer goin', Slim's jest aroun' th' bend, cuss it all t' tarnation...
Freepers're bent on Jestice, yer jest Hist'ry, man! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!

MUDBOY SLIM

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.