Posted on 09/23/2003 6:48:59 PM PDT by carlo3b
~Saying good bye~
Dealing with loss, and surviving...
Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.
Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.
Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.
With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again."Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."Grieving, is our tribute to true love.
-Michael PritchardFinding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place."We cannot change anything until we accept it."Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways. Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change. Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..
-C J Morelli"People only see what they are prepared to see."Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.
-Ralph Waldo EmersonOne of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....I love you...
By Chef Carlo J. Morelli, Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad
Perhaps it's those flowers ;^)
{{{kiss}}} my sweet Carlo...
There are a lot of different kinds of losses, and to tender hearts they don't have to be a passing to be devistating.. So, if you don't mind.. and for those that don't know that I am a proud father of some pretty special children as is everyone on this forum.. but since this is my thread..LOL...I'd like to share with you my youngest boy Matthew (12 at the time when he wrote this)... and the way he discribed his most dreadful day.. like everything of his that I post.. if he found out he would ... GULP?
This is what happens to good kids when parents, like me and his mom screw up there lives because we can't seem to get it right.... :(
My son's teacher asked for her new class to share a personal moment with the class in the form of an essay.. she was not expecting this, I am sure....
English 1 Period 4
TURN HERE
She pulled the car over and simply stated, “Matthew, I’m going to file for divorce.” On that day, Monday, the ninth of August of the year two thousand one, my life changed direction completely. Everything, including school, home life, social life, routine, and familiarity stopped in the heat of the moment.The walls had been suggesting this for the past 2 months before the breaking point. It wasn’t possible that this could have happened. I was proved wrong when my mother spoke those 7 words to me. I was wearing a plaid over shirt covering a white T-shirt with khaki shorts and Nike shoes. My over shirt was a bit faded, but I claimed it as my “good luck” shirt…up until that moment. I had just left the Presbyterian Church where I studied piano and was in a rather cheerful mood when I climbed into the Cadillac. She waited to spring the attack on me. We drove around the block to the opposite side of the sanctuary…next to the funeral parlor she pulled over and read me the verdict.
I grew up 23 years in about 23 seconds.
It was overcast and windy, unnaturally cool and brisk for an August day. She expected an answer, which I gave, to my own surprise, without slight hesitation. I had been dwelling on “What if” in my mind for about 2 months. Although I cannot recall the exact words exchanged, I do remember that the overall message I sent in my arguments was that I informed her that I was not going to live with her, that I would live with my father. Shockingly she understood. She silently put the car back into drive and we crept down the empty streets of downtown Denison, Texas.I had grown up next to this town. I had lived in this area for 13 years, or for as long as I could remember. A chilling silence stood between us as I looked at the passing buildings and cars. I came to realize that minutes ago I made a decision that jeopardized my presence in my home. It was nearing 7 o’clock now, and the North Texas sun was blurring the clouds and painting the sky a sharp hot pink. Nothing was said in that car, the car that had seen road trips, and holidays. In times like these, when you have nothing but your thoughts, time seems to crawl. The bumps of the road made us bounce slightly, causing sudden minor jerks, which yesterday would have been overlooked.
*After what seemed like 4 years we arrived home. She pulled into the garage and shut off the engine. I could hear the clicks and clanks of the car after it was cut off, a testimony to my effort of silence. I took a walk around my familiar territory. After finding a place of solitude I slouched on a rock. The trees and braches moved slightly with the breeze. They arched above me, bearing striking resemblance to a cathedral with twin steeples, framing the crimson sun. I felt the pressure to cry, which I tried to fight, but it was too powerful an enemy. I broke out in silent tears for a brief moment. I did not know if my brother knew, or my father for that matter. Surely they found out as I sat there in a state of total isolation. After about 15 minutes I regrouped sufficiently enough to re-enter the theatre of battle.
With more than little trepidation, I approached the house, already hearing muffled shouts through the door. As was to be expected, my 15 -year old brother was screaming at the top of his lungs. Michael had always been temper driven. His voice boomed and shook the walls. His shouting tone went from courage to fury, and fury to tears. Now sitting alone in the kitchen, listening to my brother storm out of the adjacent room and into his own, I could easily identify his weeping. The slam of his door would have startled me on an ordinary day, but this was far from ordinary. I couldn’t fathom what my father was thinking when that evening took place. His life was taking an even more permanent and dramatic change. He came into the kitchen doorway and leaned on the flowered-Victorian wallpapered wall, staring into nothing. He looked stoic and worn. Worn from years of troubled marriage. He casually put his hands in his pockets.
My dad was dressed plainly, as was usual for Monday evenings’ cookout night. The only sound in the room was the occasional loud sob from my brother’s bedroom door, and the staccato clicking of the kitchen clock. I knew not where my mother was, and I was simply too nervous and afraid to find out. After about 10 minutes of silence, my mother, still dressed head-to-toe in purple medical scrubs, strode in with a frown and glassy eyes to grab her keys and purse. She slipped on her sunglasses with a trembled, spasmodic sigh and flung open the door to the garage, slamming it behind her. I listened and heard her start the Cadillac and pull out if the driveway, going rather fast.
Now that she was gone, a door opened in the back of the house, and my brother sauntered into the kitchen. We exchanged the same glances, and heard the tapping of the pendulum, and then 8 audible gongs. Without speaking, we all followed my dad into the garage and we too, climbed into the other car and pulled out of the driveway, only we were going noticeably slower than my mother. We passed under blinking yellow traffic lights.
Beads of rain gently sprayed the car windows. It had begun to drizzle. We reached an intersection where a choice was to be made of where to turn. “Where do we go from here, boys?” my father said. It was futile to try to make sense of it all. Our lives were completely different in every aspect of being. I lightly gestured to a certain direction with my hand and uttered, “Turn here.”
I have already got my mind on some pretty heavy praying tonight, but while I have HIS ear, you and your hubby will get a bump with the man himself.. God bless you both.. Remember we are here for you whenever you need us.. Carlo
Please read Fighting Cancer. It's important that your husband read it as well.
OK, now I need that HUG... thanks, I'll return the favor when you need it.. :)
That one has haunted me since I first read it a long time ago.. :|
I can only read every other word of your mournful post because I am too scared right now. My six-year-old has a spot on his spine (X ray) and we will have to wait FOUR LONG WEEKS for an MRI to make sure that it's nothing. We will be the walking wounded until then. If anyone wants to send up a little prayer for the best redheaded boy in the world, please do. Thanks.
Bless your heart, from one parent to another.. you have a powerful prayer going your way.. hold on, we'll be right here when you need us, but my guess is he will be just fine.. {{{HUG}}}
Nothing I can't handle with a little help from my FRiends.. Thank you.. :o)
Powerful words, and now I'll be carrying them as well.. thank you so much my friend.. stay close.. :)
{{{{Hug}}}}
What inner demons must haunt such a young persons mind to drive them to this. Hasn't anyone told him that everything that looks so dark and bleak tonight, will be pastel in the sunlight.
I know it isn't so simplistic and can't imagine what his parents must be going through.. but surely there had to have been a sign.. maybe not... geeze.
What agony the family must be going through. Death of a young one is painful enough, suicide is doubely tragic.
My son's name is Josh. His family has my prayers.
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