HELP WANTED Recently widowed man needs the following household help: A woman who: Is sincere, kind, and loving and demands that I be the same Vows to be honest and demands that I vow the same Loves seafood and steaks and corn on the cob Laughs way more than she cries, but when she cries, cries louder than she laughs Usually has her feet on the ground, but is unafraid to let her heart have wings Is as comfortable in an evening gown as blue jeans Could not live without lilacs and lavender, marigolds and mauve Knows that I am not perfect, but I will always treat her as if she were Fais l'amour lentement, mais foutre vivant Loves candlelit dinners and blt's, and sometimes even eats blt's by candlelight Is mature and poised, but still has some sixteen-year-old girl in her Wishes upon a star Is as happy in her garden as she is in the mall Trusts me enough to tell me all her secrets, but keeps some of them secret anyways Will trade her nightly back rubs for my afternoon naps Still believes that not all love stories have tragic endings Knows she cannot reach the stars, but feels she can touch them Will blush and protest when I tell her she is as beautiful without makeup as with it, but deep down never doubt it Is curious, and sometimes acts curiously Will hold my hand at dinner Knows and feels that the kind of love she needs is almost exactly the same as the kind of love she gives Knows when I need to be told to go to hell, and knows when to apologize Dreams of a dog in the backyard, a swing on the porch, and a white picket fence Surrenders Forgives the man who is crazy-in-love with her when he does crazy things Qualified applicants only No references required, believe me, I'll know Dedicated to my lost love.