Is chivalry outdated?

msn ^ | 16 Sept 2003 | Alan Goldsher

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One of the dictionary definitions of "old-fashioned" is, "A style or method formerly in vogue; outdated."

Oftentimes, being a gentleman is considered old-fashioned. So if the dictionary is right, acting like a gentleman is outdated.

Is that really possible? Could being polite to your girl be outmoded? Is it archaic to treat a woman with the utmost respect at all times? Heck, no. We asked five single women to offer up some thoughts regarding the gentlemanliness -- or lack thereof -- of their significant others:

"Jon has the best manners. He never talks with his mouth full, he always makes sure there's a napkin in his lap and he never puts his elbows on the table."
-- Sheila B., Bloomington, Ind.

Who'd have thought all that stuff your mother used to rail at you about every night at dinner would someday be useful in impressing chicks? Demonstrating good table manners is simple stuff, boys. Like that shoe company says, "just do it."

"I didn't even notice until recently, but Ray always walks on the inside of the sidewalk -- the side closest to the street. Once I realized that, well, it kind of impressed me."
-- Jessica L., Springfield, Mo.

This is considered a gentlemanly act because if there's a car wreck, Ray would bear the brunt of the blow, theoretically leaving Jessica unharmed. It sounds like Ray would be the sort of guy who would take a bullet for his girl. This begs the question, can eating lead be a gentlemanly act? Or would it just be stupid? Hmmm...

"Damon helped me with my coat for the first time a few weeks ago, and it surprised me so much that I dropped my purse and all the stuff inside went flying."
-- Sharon S., Tampa, Fla.

The coat thing is always great, no doubt, but Damon should have done a better job picking his spot. Spontaneity is swell, but when you commit your first ever public gentlemanly act, make sure she sees you coming.

"My boyfriend Sam is a perfect gentleman. That is, except for when he spits on the sidewalk."
-- Clarissa A., Athol, Mass.

Nobody's perfect. Nobody ever will be perfect. So you shouldn't even bother striving for perfection, because it's not gonna happen. That said, it's fairly easy to eliminate outdoor loogie hocking from your repertoire.

"If Pete would open the dang door once in a while, well, I wouldn't complain."
-- Dina P., Rockford, Ill.

Pete needs to learn that it's pretty dang simple to open the dang door, not just once in a while, but all the dang time. And we're talking every door: the car door, the restaurant door, the front door, the back door, the elevator door. Okay, you can't open an elevator door, but you can at least hold the dang thing.

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Related FR article

Is Chivalry Dead?

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For the record, being a gentleman is never out of style.

[LiteKeeper]

read and comment later

[cyborg]

I do not think being a gentleman is outdated. Lots of guys hold the door open for me.

[snippy_about_it]

For the record, being a gentleman is never out of style.

For the record, you are correct!

[Frank_Discussion]

Aye, yea verily, chivalry is not dead. Nay, despair not fair nobles of FR, we shall keep the fair light of civility and grace alive forevermore!

[HARUMPH!]

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The Definition of a Gentleman

"The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman. The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly-the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light.

The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others."
--Robert E. Lee

[KellyAdmirer]

I once waited to let a woman in an elevator who was standing on the other side of the door. She refused to go in. I just stood there waiting for her. It turned into a bizarre battle of the wills, I guess she was trying to prove some feminist point (I didn't know her at all), and it ticked me off that she would throw my good manners back in my face to no end. Finally, some other lady walked up, walked between us into the elevator, and she followed all huffy-like.

There are some wacko feminists out there (this was at NYU, wacko heaven), so don't assume "being a gentleman" always gets taken the right way.

[Lorianne]

Good manners are never out of style. And not just with women. Having bad manners can hurt you in business as well. I've seen plenty of people NOT get hired for exhibiting poor manners. What employer wants to risk you being slob/slouch with his clients? Good manners pay big dividends.

[MineralMan]

Chivalry isn't dead, but it's got something serious.

Actually, chivalry is just the wrong word, in my opinion. We need a rebirth of polite behavior, not just towards women, but towards everyone.

Instead of honking and flipping off the driver who does something stupid, just let them go on, remembering that you will and have done equally stupid things.

When you arrive at a doorway, look around you. Is there someone who would benefit from your holding the door open? An old person, a child, someone carrying packages? So, hold the door for them.

If you're in line at the supermarket with a cart full of groceries, look behind you in line, and let the person behind you with one or two items go ahead of you.

Smile at the folks who wait on you, and say thanks. It costs you nothing more.

In short, think about the Golden Rule and act on it. Be aware of where you are and who is around you. If you do that, your cart won't block the aisle, your vehicle will be parked between the lines in the parking space, and you won't be a boor.

It's not hard, but you do have to realize that you are not _always_ the most important person on the planet.

[Petronski]

Let the ladies answer first.

[DoctorMichael]

For the record, being a gentleman is never out of style.

Agreed.

Unfortunately, there are so few Ladies on which to cast these pearls before.

[.45MAN]

There are some wacko feminists out there (this was at NYU, wacko heaven), so don't assume "being a gentleman" always gets taken the right way.

This is true but most of the time you can spot them, you can see it in their eyes... Those are the ones that I would just let to door go...

[Sweet_Sunflower29]

Bump for later reading/comment.

[MisplacedinOR]

Chivalry is not dead, it's been hit with a left hook by NOW.

[joesnuffy]

My boyfriend Sam is a perfect gentleman. That is, except for when he spits on the sidewalk." -- Clarissa A., Athol, Mass.

Dont bring him to northern Wi...they might teach him what a "farmer blow" is......

[mtbopfuyn]

Women and children hold hundreds more doors for me than men. It's been so long since a man has opened a car door for me that when one did a few weeks ago it took a startled minute to understand what he was doing. And don't get me started on men cutting me off in traffic...

[AmericanInTokyo]

Heck, in Asia, it hasn't even made its appearance yet with men.

[longtermmemmory]

NO! Good manners and Chivalry is the true mark of a learned and civilized person.

It demonstrates respect for yourself first as well as respect for others.

[StatesEnemy]

Holding the door is one thing, but taking a bullet for some anonymous woman JUST BECAUSE she's got two X chromosomes... Not this guy.