Posted on 09/14/2003 2:54:25 PM PDT by Byron_the_Aussie
Two men and a baby... Tony Wood and Lee Matthews playing with baby Alexander.
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An extraordinary documentary about how two gay men flew to America and hired a surrogate mother to have a son is set to rekindle the debate about what constitutes an Australian family.
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In the US they call it the "gayby boom".
In Australia, where laws vary, it is still the centre of emotional and ethical controversy.
Tony Wood, 40, and Lee Matthews, 34, are an upper-middle-class professional couple who decided five years ago they wanted to be parents.
The men each donated their sperm to fertilise eggs donated by a young American woman they chose after studying a catalogue in a process "very cut and dried, like retail shopping".
The resulting embryos were then impregnated into another American woman, who gave birth to a 2.8 kilogram boy, Alexander, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, last December.
In a process which is banned in most countries around the world, the men used a California-based surrogacy and egg donation firm, Growing Generations, which is dedicated to the gay and lesbian community. The firm's website says it has assisted with the birth of at least 196 babies in cases from around the world.
There is no law prohibiting surrogacy in NSW (New South Wales, Australia’s most populous State.) But no contract between parties to undergo surrogacy would be recognised in the courts and the legal status and the nationality of a child born overseas would be under question.
The Melbourne couple brought Alexander back to Australia and now plan to raise the boy, who Mr Matthews said he hoped would grow up "straight" rather than gay, in a two-father family.
Despite the fact that the woman who carried Alexander, Junoa, is flying to Australia in December for his first birthday, Mr Wood and Mr Matthews do not consider her the boy's mother.
"She is not actually the mother . . . at the end of the day you have two dads, you don't have a mum," Mr Matthews said.
The men, who have been a couple for 14 years, initially encountered some "vehement" opposition from within the gay community to their plans to parent.
But they said increasing numbers of gay couples, particularly lesbians, were opting for parenthood.
"We believe our family is entitled to the same recognition as other families," Mr Wood said.
The men's story is expected to stir up a controversy when it airs as an SBS (government-funded, left-leaning TV network) documentary, Man-Made: The Story Of Two Men And A Baby, on September 30.
Community division on the subject of gay unions was highlighted by Prime Minister John Howard's recent comment that "if the same status is given in our society to gay unions as is given to traditional marriage, we will weaken that bedrock institution".
A spokesman for the Catholic Church said yesterday gay male parents were denying a child its natural right "to the love and nurture of a mother".
"With stolen children (children allegedly taken by Australian government authorities from their aboriginal parents, earlier this century), adoptions and all those things of the past 40 years, we have seen the problems that come with family situations than couldn't be avoided.
"What are we creating with these children? This is a case of adults fulfilling their own desires, but it is the children who suffer."
Bill Muehlenberg, vice-president of the Australian Family Association, said one of several concerns was "the commodification of children, the idea of baby-buying and all that goes with it". He said surrogacy, "with or without homosexual couples", was problematic.
"We may be placating the whims and fancies of adults but too often the very real interests of children are being overlooked in the debate," he said.
But Dr Justin Oakley, director of Monash University's Centre for Human Bioethics, said: "I don't see there's any particular problem with it and I think it's a shame [Mr Matthews and Mr Wood] have had to resort to such means in order to become parents or to become fathers."
Mr Matthews said he believed he and his partner had become parents "for all the right reasons . . . because we thought we could offer . . . a nurturing, protective and supportive environment.
"Parenthood isn't right for everyone. There's a huge lobby that sees surrogacy, and surrogacy in particular for same sex couples, as devil worship."
Mr Wood said they went through with it "because we love kids and thought we'd get a lot out of it ourselves and . . . hasn't it turned out better than you could have imagined".
"We have the perfect child. Every parent probably says that.
"He's an absolute delight, just amazing and he's got the most wonderful nature."
The couple said yesterday they were not necessarily advocating surrogacy and costs would be prohibitive to many gay couples.
Mr Matthews said he knew of "a handful of gay men" in Australia with their own babies. It had become far more common in the US.
In the documentary film, William Halms, of Growing Generations, says costs are so high he calls his own three children who were born in the program, "$75,000 babies". A first- time surrogate mother is paid $US20,000 ($30,130), a second-time one is paid $US25,000 and so on.
Egg donors, mostly college students, received an average $US5000, he said.
Mr Matthews and Mr Wood declined to reveal how much they had spent. The St Kilda men have maintained frequent email, mail and telephone communication with the surrogate mother.
Junoa, herself a mother of two, says in the documentary that she had long wanted to be a surrogate mother.
"I wanted to give someone who really wanted children the chance to parent," she says.
"To imagine not being able to have children destroys me."
After the birth, she says the process has left her with "a little fear, a little heartbreak, but a lot of pride".
"I thought, 'him leaving is going to break my heart', but then I am so proud his daddies will get to take care of him and raise him," she says.
But nevertheless she looks wistful and depressed before parting with the child.
Mr Matthews and Mr Wood have not ruled out having more children.
This line of the article says it best.
Tell me why.
Are you for homosexual marriage as well?
Homosexual priests?
The whole Homo-enchilada?
Again, JMO, but I have real concerns about the welfare and well-being of children who have such "alternative families"...and not because gay "parents" are "bad" parents, but because "gay" is far outside the "mainstream", still, like it or not. Check out your typical "3rd grade peer group", or any other "typical peer group"...
One last "IMHO"...I even have mixed feelings about gay couples adopting "at risk" and unwanted children, although I'm sure these children could benefit from any opportunity at a decent life...but for gay folks to go through all kinds of machinations to create their "own" children (which they obviously can't do themselves, despite how loving their relationship is) seems the height of self-gratification. Who of us out there, no matter how sympathetic to our friends, would be be proud to say "this is my dad/mom, and this is my other dad/mom, but I don't really know my real birth mom/dad"????
Yes. This line's revealing, too:
....William Halms, of Growing Generations, says costs are so high he calls his own three children who were born in the program, "$75,000 babies"....
...the subtext being, 'we must be sincere. Look how much we're paying.'
Welcome to the world of homosexuality
I agree with you.
Premarital sex and adultery are greater threats to the family than the 2-per-cent-of-the-population-are-homosexual sex
My wife cheating on me is much worse than what Betty and Jane might do in their house when they get tired of watching TV.
You mean like cover to cover? No.
Let he who is without sin....? K/I>
Let me finish that verse for you. It says "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone. And when He looked up all the men were gone so he asked the woman. Is there noone here to condemn you? 'Noone, sir.' So Jesus said, neither do I condemn you. Now GO AND SIN NO MORE.
Lots of FReepers think they are without sin, I guess. Wonderful for them.
Oh, so you're a mind-reader, eh? Are you related to Miss Cleo?
It didn't say "Let he who has LESS sin by their own reckoning cast the first stone..."
First, that phrase wasn't spoken by an "it". B) Refer to my previous post about how that verse ends. It never ceases to amuse me how the homophobophobes fail to acknowledge how Jesus ends that encounter with the prostitute. (GASP!) Am I comparing homosexuality to prostitution?!
The gay people I've known were not obnoxious about it.
It's not about the men who engage in homosexual acts. It's about the kid.
So I don't hate them. Sorry about that.
I didn't say you did. But, hey, even if you did, I'd forgive you.
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA...
We don't have the right to judge, huh?
Then what in the name of all that is holy do we have people locked up in prison?
If ChemistCat says we cannot judge people, then we must open those prison doors and free everyone at once!
Forgive me, Father for I have...ummmm.....errrr...I....criticized someone.
So, if your mate dies, you instantly become a bad parent?
How many days past the funeral do you have to pick a new partner before you becoma a bad parrent?
And let them take turns adopting his daughters.
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