Entering the belly of The BEAST. My day with Hillary

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Today was a very special day.

I had the supreme opportunity to meet Hillary Rottenbottom at Miejer's Thrifty Acres, in Auburn Hills, Michigan.

I arrived around 10:30 am, for her 11:00 am book signing. The parking lot was packed.

I went into the store and was confronted by a sea of overweight housewives in white T shirts and shorts. You would have thought that this was an e-ticket ride for DisneyWorld. Fanny packs abound.

The line wound around the perimeter of the store. Hundreds upon hundreds of clones. All so very excited. They were there to meet their Queen.

I knew I had a long wait, and I was thinking of ditching the scene, because I was in heels, and I didn't feel like standing there for 2 hours just to meet her hieniousness.

Suddenly a dear friend of mine who is the camerman for a news station saw me in line, and asked what in the world I was doing there. I told him that I was up to shenanigans, and he told me to come with him, and pulled me out of line. He took me up near the front and placed me in line. I was about 25 people back from the Throne Of Hillary.

As I was waiting, I just stood and listened to the lobotomized clones around me. They could barely contain their glee. " Hillary is so wonderful. She will be our greatest president"." She is the best wife and mother"........

And don't even get me started about the wimpy men that were in line. It was mostly women, but there were a couple of husbands, probably because their wives were too overwrought with emotion to drive themselves to the Thrifty Acres.

Suddenly, with a smidgen of fanfare, from the bowells of hell, appears Hillary!. I called an audible. I said " Oh lord, she has a soccer ball in there". Oops, I didn't know I said that out loud. Silly me.

Yes indeed folks, Hillary, looking ever so hideous in a fuschia jacket, black trousers, and black sensible shoes, actually looks like she has a soccerball in her belly. Maybe it's a tumor, heck if I know, but there is something there. Hey, maybe it's a fannypack!

Today was obviously not a 'bath day' for the old gal. Her hair was undone, no makeup, no lipstick, but she did have earrings.

As we got closer, women around me started crying. Yes, you read that right, they were CRYING! They couldn't wait to meet Hillary. I honestly thought that some of them would pass out and die on the spot. It was from either too much excitement, or the copious amount of doughnuts that they had consumed over their lifetime.

There was an elderly lady in front of me that asked me for support. She felt faint from all the excitement.

..............as a small aside, Hillary is fuzzy. Remember those soaps you had as a kid, you got them wet and in a few days they grew fuz? Hillary has a very fuzzy face. And it's very round. Pumpkin round. Fuzzy and round and falling. Gravity is not being kind. ..........

Back to the old lady....

She kibbitzed with Hillary about how proud she was of her and how she will be a great president. Hillary shook her head, signed the books that were being shoved in front of her, and then came me.

I was in orange and fuschia in the sea of white T shirts and Hillary buttons. Hillary was signing away and I said " Who's on the cover of your book?"

IF LOOKS COULD KILL.

Hillary and I did lazer beam eyeballs of hate to each other.

If only she knew that the one questioning her was actually her nemesis...Hillary's Lovely Legs.

Suddenly a vice-like grip was on my left arm, and I was pulled away from Hillary. They handed me my book, and I was on my way.

My cameraman friend said he got it on tape and hopes he can use it, but he wanted to know what in the world I said to her to make her use her " GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE face".

I told him that I said " I have Vince Foster's murder on tape".

My silly friend, he thought I was serious. I told him what I really said and he laughed. I hope to get a copy of the tape. It will be priceless.

So I left the Thrifty Acres among the clones clutching their precious books with tears in their eyes, and as I was exiting, I came across the Hillary Rodham Clinton Support Group.

This is an organization of old bitties from Ann Arbor. They all had on matching T-Shirts with a big photo of Hillary on it. They carried signs that said " Hillary" and matching sun visors. They were going to go in for a private meeting with Hillary and a photo session. They have been so supportive of her, she had been through so much and is such a wonderful woman. ( oh spare me)

So that's it. I entered the belly of the beast and got to see old fuzzy face and survived.

So where's my T-shirt?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Now that I have infiltrated the Hillary lovers, you have to understand that they are crazed.

They see Hillary as a rock star and savior. When I say they were crying, I mean tears. Like seeing the Pope perform a miracle. They were simply breathless. This was a life highlight, something they will tell their children and grandchildren. They will be talking about this at every party for years to come.

I couldn't say a word to those women. I would have been pummelled with their unmanicured fists. I was the enemy. I tried with every muscle in my body to heep my eyes from rolling into my head. I wanted to stand on Hillary's table and yell " YOU PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS!! THIS WOMAN IS ALL ABOUT PERSONAL POWER!! SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU!!! GO HOME, COOK A GOOD MEAL AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, PUT ON SOME MAKEUP AND STOP YOUR BAWLING!!"

For some reason I don't think that would have gone over well, so I just let The Beast know that I was on to her.

Subtlety is key.

[sweetliberty]

OMG! ROTFLMBO! Way to go. You are the queen of FReepdom! I'm impressed.

Ping!

[sweetliberty]

"Hard to believe you got that close and did NOT take a picture!"

Her heinous doesn't allow photos. Must be that she's seen some of the photoshop talent.

[TheSpottedOwl]

Scary how a sweet looking little girl could end up as Hillary Clinton. Her parents should have sent her to a different college...

[sweetliberty]

Wonder if her secret service guys got a chuckle out of it.

[mountaineer]

Yeah, it's hard to figure a true "Goldwater Republican" going to Wellesley. Wonder what would have happened had her parents sent her to Wheaton (IL, not MA).

[nutmeg]

Don't miss this one... it's a classic!

Please FReepmail me if you want on or off my infrequent ‘miscellaneous’ ping list.

[nutmeg]

Don't miss this one, Doug! ;-)

[sweetliberty]

"Thank goodness there wasn't an ashtray or lamp handy"

Isn't that the truth? Good thing she didn't heave that hefty book wither.

[TheSpottedOwl]

All of the Hillary worshippers at these events voluntarily wait an hour or more for 4 to 7 seconds to kneel before their Queen. Nothing FReepers do is going to free them from their bonds, but nothing FReepers do is going to strengthen Hillary's hold on them.

True, however our objective is to change people's minds. I know her fans are long time koolaid drinkers, but there is something that can change a couple of minds. We just have to come up with that "something".

We get out an opposing point of view as we've done at the FReeps. That way, Hillary is not coronated Queen by acclaimation. It reduces any bandwagon effect. No one in the middle goes with Hillary based on the belief that "she will win anyway and I want to go with a winner." (A significant number of people think that way, but probably won't admit that, even to themselves.)

Right, but we can still come up with an effective hook to at least make her fan base question their loyalty to the Queen. Make them actually think...

[sweetliberty]

You gotta see this!

[the gillman@blacklagoon.com]

That was terrifying, even with my sound card broken.

[sweetliberty]

Glad you made it! Looks like she got FReeped inside and out today.

[TheSpottedOwl]

Yeah, it's hard to figure a true "Goldwater Republican" going to Wellesley. Wonder what would have happened had her parents sent her to Wheaton (IL, not MA).

That Goldwater Republican shtick never quite rang true to me. Hill's mom was always whispering "empowering" bullshit in her ear, and I think that was the beginning of her problems. A bunch of fascist college lesbians just frosted the cake, so to speak.

Can you imagine if Hill had grown up like her contemporaries? She'd know how to bake cookies, have more than one kid, and probably would be a grandma. The pets wouldn't run when they saw her coming, and neither would her husband. Sad...

[the gillman@blacklagoon.com]

...The pets wouldn't run when they saw her coming, and neither would her husband. Sad...

But funny!
Bwahahahahaha!

[Allegra]

That was so much fun to read. You ROCK! What an honor to have ticked her off!

Now, hurry...go get your shots...QUICK...you had close-up exposure to IT!

[sweetliberty]

"or maybe gets some kind of treatment to remove the hair for periods of time."

Apparently it isn't working so good.

[FreedomPoster]

>>Protestors are NOT helping Hillary bond her followers to her. They drank the Clinton Kool-Aide long before FReepers protested Hillary. They are like cult members. Other than deprogramming, they are beyond help.

I agree wholeheartedly with that analysis, after watching the Hillary crowd on Monday. Heavy on the bull dyke abortion-on-demand crowd, heavy on the SSAD, a fair number of Gen X and older urban professional women. These folks are not going to become conservative overnight.

Without us there, all the public at large would see on the local TV news would be a Hill love fest. With us, they get a quote like "she's got a lot of history she doesn't want you to know about, and we encourage everyone to look closely at that history." Maybe some will, or will remember.

BTW, the local ATL rock station morning DJ's (The Regular Guys on 96 Rock) asked a bunch of the Hill crowd "what has she done that's so special or important?" No one could give a good answer. This is all about emotion. We've got to get people thinking and looking at the facts.

[Brad’s Gramma]

Oh boy.....you've given us TOO MUCH TO WORK WITH! LOL!!

Fuzzy Face?

They were CRYING over meeing the Beast? Good grief. I'm embarrassed.

You did SUCH a good job......thanks from all of us.

[meyer]

Excellent job! Very bold move - I wish I'd have been there with a camera to capture the moment. :)