Posted on 08/13/2003 9:40:36 AM PDT by ddodd3329
Why do fewer people marry?
According to a 1999 National Vital Statistics Report from the CDC, 7.4 per 1,000 Americans married in 1998. From 1990 to 1995, the marriage rate dropped from 9.8 to 7.6. Different sources render other statistics but the trend remains sharply downward.
There is never a single or comprehensive explanation for complex phenomena that are rooted deeply in human psychology. Non-marriage is a particularly difficult issue to address because, as a recent paper from Rutgers University entitled "Why Men Won't Commit" explains, official sources are scarce. "The federal government issues thousands of reports on nearly every dimension of American life. ... But it provides no annual index or report on the state of marriage." Much of the discussion of the motives surrounding non-marriage must be anecdotal, therefore, relying on statistics to provide framework and perspective.
In examining reasons for the current decline of marriage, one question usually receives short shrift. Why are men reluctant to marry?
The Rutgers report -- admittedly based on a small sample -- found ten prevalent reasons. The first three:
They can get sex without marriage;
They can enjoy "a wife" through cohabitation; and,
They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
As a critic of anti-male bias in the family courts, the reasons I hear most frequently from non-marrying men are fear of financial devastation in divorce and of losing meaningful contact with children afterward. (Such feedback is anecdotal evidence but, when you hear the same response over a period of years from several hundred different sources, it becomes prudent to listen.)
In a similar vein, the Rutgers report finds: "Many men also fear the financial consequences of divorce. They say that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They fear that an ex-wife will 'take you for all you've got' and that 'men have more to lose financially than women' from a divorce."
Increasingly, men are stating their reasons for not marrying on the Internet. In an article entitled "The Marriage Strike," Matthew Weeks expresses a sentiment common to such sites, "If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men."
Weeks provides the math. One in two marriages will fail with the wife being twice as likely to initiate the proceedings on grounds of "general discontent" -- the minimum requirement of no-fault divorce. The odds of the woman receiving custody of children are overwhelming, with many fathers effectively being denied visitation. The wife usually keeps the "family" assets and, perhaps, receives alimony as well as child support. Many men confront continuing poverty to pay for the former marriage.
>>>Continued<<<
(Excerpt) Read more at dondodd.com ...
That pretty much sums it up. That and women leaving because of the mood of the day (ridiculous trivial reasons)...
"ACK! You b*stard!!! You left the toilet seat up!!! I'm gone!!!"
Really, the article is quite a commentary on how the women's movement and its effects (both immediate and latent) have had on male-female relationships.
I think that both men and women need to remember their place. By having a wife, men should work to improve themselves and become gentlemen. Women need to remember that men have very primal instincts, regardless their intelligence level or achieved status in life. Really, food and sex are about all a man needs to be truly happy (though sports have to come in close 8^)). With the advent of microwave dinners, take-out, and drive-thru, the wives don't have to do all that much in regard to food. They really only need to keep their man sexually satisfied. Not that it should be one way, but I am just saying there isn't a whole lot women have to do to satisfy their men.
For men, the satisfaction of a woman is a near impossible task. When doing housework, we don't do it the way they would do it. When the wife wants the new car/house/whatever, we are hounded not spending time with the kids when we take that extra sales trip. When we stay up late doing bills, we aren't spending "quality time" with them. When we do spend "quality time" (where both man and woman are satisfied), there isn't enough discussion afterward. Now, honestly, this doesn't describe my marriage, but there are certainly some elements of this in every marriage.
Guys really can't win and it seems, at least from this report, that they have figured that out. Combine that with the fact that many (young) women seem to lack both self-esteem and morals and are "givin' it up" for free...VOILA! there's the reason.
If I am an in-shape, well-paid, house-cleaning, caring dad and loving husband who cooks at least 3 days a week and puts the lid down, isn't that enough?
True, but how long is long enough? Most couples I know who 'shacked up,' didn't stay together all that long.
That's because those men don't realize that a hitman is cheaper than a lawyer.
Really? That's urban legend. Try paying child support.
My soon-to-be ex is asking the court to award her a support amount that is higher than my salary (for as long as she wants).
It happened to me with a supposedly "Christian" woman.
True.
That bad? - jjm2111
MUCH, MUCH worse.
I'm a firm believer in Asimov's Law. Issac Asimov was asked about going into a career in writing.
He replied: "Going into a career in wrting is like getting married - anyone who CAN be talked out of it SHOULD be..."
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