You might be a Liberal if...

HaHa.Com ^ | 07/18/02 | Chris Grawburg

[jfreif]

You might be a liberal if ... By Chris Grawburg - You might be a liberal if:

you've ever left your sociology class thinking, "That professor really knows what he/she/it is talking about."

you associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton"

you think Dan Rather represents media impartiality

your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat."

the first word in the description of your hair color is "neon"

you've ever tried to protect the ozone layer

you've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals

you've ever given a dollar to a bum so he can buy more liquor ...ummm ... food

you ever use the words "Clarence Thomas" and "Uncle Tom" in the same sentence

you are a vegan

you have a bumper sticker that says "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms" on your car

you believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race

you've ever walked around carrying one of those Javahhh mugs

you pay a 185 percent markup for organically grown food

you cheered for "Obstructing Justice Simpson" last Tuesday at 1 p.m.

you don't think it's right to kill rapists and murderers, but do think it's right to kill babies

you have anything to do with the Compassionate Living Fair

you want more funding for AIDS research but less for cancer, despite the fact that cancer kills many more people per year

you have the entire menu at Cup-A-Joe memorized

you consider yourself open-minded but refuse to listen to anything Jesse Helms has to say

you abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism, Western culture or Rush Limbaugh

you found yourself unemployed after this past November's election

you're a dope smoker or a womanizer ... oh, sorry, that's "You might be a Clinton cabinet official if ..."

you're the dolt who stole the "Helms '96" bumper sticker from my car

you think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is in the Constitution

you cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v. Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion

you stay informed by watching MTV News

you have an "I'm Straight But Not Narrow" button pinned to your book bag

there is a ring in any part of your head other than your ears

you think religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom giveaways are just what schools need

you molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television . . . oops, my mistake again, that's "You might be Mel Reynolds if . . ."

you think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community

you think Jesse Jackson is good at anything

you lie in bed at night worried that Pat Robertson might be out to get you

you attribute the rising illegitimacy rate, crime rate or problems in the inner city to Ronald Reagan

you've ever held up a grocery store line trying to pick between plastic, which isn't biodegradable, or paper, which cuts down innocent trees

you think the National Organization for Women is made up of average heterosexual women with no lesbian agenda

you're on the committee to construct the Gay Jewish Women's Cultural Center -- there's a slight chance you're a liberal

you blame Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but not the spend-happy "Democrooks" for the huge national debt

banning assault weapons is your solution to end crime (what do you mean punish the criminals?)

you tell me how to live by telling me I can't tell people how to live

And finally ...you think Ted Kennedy is sober and monogamous.

[jfreif]

Sometimes the truth is funny.

- JFR

[Paul Atreides]

You might be a liberal if:

You think that a California condor egg needs to be protected, but don't think that a fetus is a person.

[randog]

I thought this would be the same old stuff, but I haven't seen this before. Here's my fave:

You know you're a lib'ral if you're disgusted by child porn only because 'living wages' and health benefits aren't paid to the "actors".

[BenLurkin]

you think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is in the Constitution

Yup!

[I still care]

Not super funny but true - my liberal sister told me this

You might be a liberal if the reason Al Gore almost won in 2000 is because most people, like you, lie in bed at night deathly afraid of global warming and acid rain.

[snippy_about_it]

LOL ping.

[SAMWolf]

LOL!

[Gamecock]

Every time you post on FR you get ZOT! as a response...

[evilC]

You might be a liberal if:

You believe that 20 year old women is not old enough to own a handgun, but a 14 year old girl should be able to have an abortion without her parents knowledge or consent.

You get angry with your kid for smoking a cigarette .... until you realize it was a joint.

You have a "No Blood For Oil" sticker on your luxury car.

[The Duke]

You might be a liberal if...

...you never met a dead baby you didn't like.

[CFC__VRWC]

You might be a liberal if:

You think 10-year-olds have the right to download porn at the local library, but think Rush Limbaugh should be taken off the air because he practices "hate speech."

You think a crucifix in a jar of urine is "art", but think the American flag is a symbol of racism, oppression and hate.

You think a man who detonates a bomb on a bus full of Jewish schoolchildren is a "freedom fighter", but think an American soldier is a "baby killer."

You think the Boy Scouts are a greater threat to kids than NAMBLA.

[A_perfect_lady]

you think Jesse Jackson is good at anything

Oh, there's at least one thing he's just $uper at.