Posted on 07/16/2003 3:04:06 PM PDT by Sweet_Sunflower29
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 am - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was .....Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the aroma of some of their favorite foods. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
The other kitty is a scaredy cat who's afraid of his shadow. He's more of a crier than a talker. Their personalities are as different as night and day...kind of like my two sons.
So true, my last feline companion was too damn vocal about my misguided mutual fund contributions. I would get home from work and all she would do was nag, nag, nag about my investments. Come to find out, while innocently sitting on the top of the couch behind me while I was accessing my on-line accounts, she was memorizing my passwords and accessing my accounts while I was at work.
I warned her repeatedly against this but would she listen? NO!
She is now a hood ornament on a westbound I-94 Kenworth......
Damn cats, they think they know everything.......
He's thinking .... "if I was lion sized, I'd eat you."
Wow, they sure are! All mine ever say is:
"OUT?"
"IN?"
"FOOD??"
"KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL SINK MY TEETH INTO YOUR HAND! ALRIGHT YOU WERE WARNED!"
Sounds like you have a nice, fun little family there!
Isn't it funny how they like different foods? Like yours with the bananas and watermelon?
Our Jade is REALLY into cantaloupe.... Any time my husband "kills" one she is right there, begging for the innards....
She is also silly at Halloween.... loves pumpkin "guts" when we make jack o' lanterns! Put a few seeds and some pulp in a saucer for her and she's thrilled. Go figure.
Tia
Same goes for 'Pearl Harbor' with Alec (leaving the USA) Baldwin as Jimmy Doolittle (Pfffft!)
Oh, if your cat likes pumpkin, he needs fiber. My vet told me that if your cat needs fiber you can give him pumpkin pie filling and it'll work.
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I had no clue! thank you!
Well, just this last six months or so we put her on the "Geriatric Old Kitty" diet ... which seemed to deal with the constipation.
Will be interesting of she goes for the pumpkin this year.....
Tia
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