Posted on 07/13/2003 11:34:31 AM PDT by UnklGene
WHY WE CHEAT
By SUSAN EDELMAN -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FORBIDDEN PLEASURES: Some researchers believe changes in gender roles are prompting more married women to sleep around.
July 13, 2003 -- More women are cheating on their husbands - and doing it without remorse, sex researchers say. A stunning 90 percent of adulterous wives told one Manhattan researcher they suffered "no guilt," but rather felt "entitled" to the pleasure and excitement of their secret trysts, said Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender-studies professor and author.
"Women feel entitled because they're not getting what they need in the marriage. That's why women today have affairs," said Barash, who interviewed 120 wandering women for her recent book on female infidelity, "A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs that Make or Break their Marriages."
Based on her research, Barash contends that more than 60 percent of all married women will engage in at least one affair.
And many such women - despite socioeconomic differences - can empathize with someone like Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Barash said.
In a breakup that rocked political and high-society circles, Kennedy Cuomo, 43, split two weeks ago from her husband of 13 years, Andrew Cuomo, over her alleged affair with randy restaurateur Bruce Colley, who is also married with children.
"These women would recognize her need - her desire to have more in her life than she had in her marriage," said Barash, who interviewed everyone from bus dispatchers, cops and stay-at-home moms to high-powered financiers, doctors and lawyers for her study.
"For the women who choose it, it's with great effort, so they really juggle the affair and somehow fit it in."
Barash found her sexually active subjects by posting ads in YWCAs and asking women who responded to refer friends who were having affairs.
Some therapists don't agree with Barash. They say many wandering women experience shame and regret - and seek help for adulterous urges.
"I have not witnessed a growing experience of 'entitlement.' Their conscience is bothering them," said Kristen Harrington, a marriage counselor who treats couples for infidelity in upstate Kingston.
But other experts agreed that more women today are determined to dally and less sorry about straying.
"I don't see women feeling a lot of guilt," said Baltimore psychologist Shirley Glass, whose book, "Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal," was published this year.
Like other daughters of sexually unfaithful fathers, Glass said, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, the daughter of Robert Kennedy, could prefer that role rather than emulate mothers who serve as "martyrs" and "doormats."
Women with careers and financial resources can take more risks, she added: "If their partners find out, they can take care of themselves."
Glass also found surprising changes in men who mess around.
Traditionally, men's affairs were purely sexual, often involving a male in power enjoying "a little on the side" with a female subordinate.
"Now, men and women are working together as equals, with a lot of intellectual energy and common interests," Glass said. "It's a combination of emotional and sexual bonds. And it's more dangerous because it creates an alternative to the marriage, rather than just a supplement."
But equality hasn't erased the differences in why men and women cheat, other experts argue.
"Men have affairs to boost their self-esteem and because it's available. Their feelings are closely tied to their sexuality and potency," said Brooklyn psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner.
"Women don't just want a night of joy and pleasure," she said. "No matter what the feminists say, women want love. They want emotional attachment and bonding."
But you could not get me to walk down the aisle with a woman at gunpoint.
Former member of the Village People?
After we left her Mom's place, we drove up past the cemetery and the bumper fell off. I got out and bolted it back on good enough to keep on going just before the lightning struck and the thunder roared; I continued up the hill and we sat there watching, listening, to the storm.
You're not rambling. But what do you say to the guy who's been so burned by these stay at home women who've screwed around on him behind his back, ran him into the ground financially...and lied to about the whole thing...after he's been out struggling to make ends meet and support the family? His young son, btw, chose to live with him, not his mother.
Speaking of selfless, this same fellow goes on to another relationship, meets who he "thought" was a very nice lady with two boys. She has a mental breakdown, and dumps the boys. She wants no part of them. Or him. He takes the boys into his home, and now is raising 3 boys, two of whom aren't on his own.
Can one blame him for not wanting to get involved with another woman again?
These (literally) crazy women lead a path of distruction, only to leave the rest of us honest ones scratching our heads thinking that it's not just the men who get screwed...
How fun!
But did lightening strike again? (*wink!*)
distruction=destruction
brain cells are circling the drain....
Loud and clear! LOL!!!!!
The Good LifeOh, the good life, full of fun seems to be the ideal
Mm, the good life lets you hide all the sadness you feel
You won't really fall in love for you can't take the chance
So please be honest with yourself, don't try to fake romanceIt's the good life to be free and explore the unknown
Like the heartaches when you learn you must face them alone
Please remember I still want you, and in case you wonder why
Well, just wake up, kiss the good life goodbye
I could never cheat on my husband. Imagine having to know, every day of the rest of your life, that you ARE the type of person who cheats, lies, betrays. I couldn't live with that.
There have been a number of studies of infidelity and this one is simply another one. Depending on the subjects, the numbers range all the way from 25% to 75%.
The above in italics is all you really know about how this was conducted. It sounds like they got their info from cheating women who knew other cheating women and they shared their views on the subject.
Thats like interviewing criminals to get info on the lives of the law-abiding.
Why not just ask the law-abiding?
Mine went to Goodwill, except for a few choices for church: warm or cold? "regular," maternity, or nursing?
My husband just put his foot down and said I HAVE to replace the denim jumper - he doesn't want to be seen with me in public in the old one!
Doug Phillips (VisionForum.com) and Richard Wheeler (MantleMinistries.com) have some good materials on training boys to be real men and godly husbands and fathers.
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