Three Reasons to Pause Before Taking Your Husband's Name

The Wall Street Journal ^ | Thursday, June 26, 2003 | TERRI CULLEN

[presidio9]

Like the first time you hear your new husband call you "my wife," or the first time someone refers to you as "Mrs.," signing your newly acquired married name is something some women look forward to their entire lives.

But there can be drawbacks to adopting your husband's last name, particularly if your hubby-to-be comes to the marriage laden with some unfortunate financial or legal baggage. As women enter marriages later in their lives, often with more established careers and greater assets, they are facing far more complicated financial choices than their moms and grandmoms. The decision to take your husband's name -- once a given -- is one of them.

[cubreporter]

I understand all that but...it is still her FATHER'S name. Maybe that's not how you interpret it but that's how I see it. Two different opinions.

[cubreporter]

Yes it is your name but it is the name of your father and your family. Otherwise...how come I don't use my mother's maiden name? Because she took her HUSBAND'S name.

[cubreporter]

I know. There is so much whining today. All like a bunch of little kids.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

I specifically chose to take my husband's last name because I wanted to have children in the future, and I figured the entire family should have one name. When I was born, I was given my father's name, married and took my husband's. But, I think when most people think of me, they think of my first name and last together, not the FAMILY name.

[LizardQueen]

It came from my dad, but it's still *my* name - the combo of my first and last name (inherited from my father) I carried for 30 years.

I guess I'm not getting what your issue is. Yes, my husbands name is a guys name too, but that wasn't the one given to me at birth, the one that was in danger of dying out completely until my cousin had sons, all reasons why I kept my birth name.

LQ

[LizardQueen]

Why do you give a rats butt what other people name themselves? And why do you crap all over someone who does it differently than you would?

LQ

[cubreporter]

Well, it's just that so many women "refuse" to take their husband's name like it is a bad thing or something. That's not why you kept yours. That's good. Whatever makes one happy I guess is what they should do.

[NYCVirago]

Danielle Crittendon pointed out that by refusing to take your husband's name, you often cut yourself off permanently, by word anyway, from any future kids.

She's a hypocrite, considering she married David Frum and isn't going by HIS name.

[Spirited]

"There's an easy solution for the women out there. Just make sure you marry somebody who is financially stable and has good credit."

In other words we figure on women doing the asking?
I figure they don't have the choice men do.

[Spirited]

"But then, I'm extremely old-fashioned about this kind of thing."

How old is "old fashioned"?
The senior women in this family used the Emily Post for their day to scribe themselves with their first name, maiden name and married name as a matter of course.

In a three letter monogram which three letters do you believe should now be used? Or are those as passe as life-long marriages.?

[HairOfTheDog]

I also think that is odd, I would never keep the name of a man I divorced.

My mother did. She was the flip side of this 'established name' argument. She married young, took my father's name and was married 20 years. When they divorced, she no longer identified with the name she had in high school, she had been teaching as Mrs. ________ her whole life. And she had us... I don't think after all those years she wanted to have a different name than her children. When she remarried, we were grown, and she did take his new name.... A new chapter.

On her headstone I put all three names: Her maiden name, showing the linkage to her own parents beside her, the name I carry that ties her to me, and the name of her husband who was with her at the end.

[HairOfTheDog]

Heh.... Your FR handle reminds me of the other reason to keep a maiden name as at least a middle name. If I had famous lineage, if I were a Thatcher or a Reagan or a Rockefeller, or even a Kennedy, I think I would want to hang on to that tie, and not let the name die just because I was a girl.

[ladyinred]

Doesn't a man feel it is an insult if his wife will not take his name? I like tradition I suppose, and I am old fashioned in that sense. I was delighted to take my husband's name.

[SamAdams76]

In other words we figure on women doing the asking?

No, we figure on women giving an answer of "yes" or "no."

[angcat]

I did not think of the children, I would keep the name in that case.

[VermiciousKnid]

Well...here comes my two cents:

The taking of my husband's surname after our marriage was like putting the cherry on top of the sundae for me.

I was (and still am) thrilled to be married to this wonderful man, and could not imagine retaining my maiden name after our nuptials. I simply would not have felt really married without doing it.

There is one concession I did make: Since the use of my real middle name would have resulted in an..oh, how shall I put this?...uh.."uncomfortable" set of initials, I chose to retain my maiden name as my middle INITIAL only. I do NOT hyphenate it -- I don't even use it at all & if asked, I will tell people my real middle name.

I can only think of one irritation that has come with taking my husband's name -- nobody pronounces it correctly, and nobody SPELLS it correctly, either (they forget the I Before E rule).

Regards,

[Xenalyte]

I go by Miss Manners.

I haven't seen a monogram in awhile. For men it's easy: surname initial in the middle, larger than the other two. I don't know what guys do when they have no middle name.

As far as ladies' monograms, I'm stumped. I find monograms a bit masculine, so I don't have anything monogrammed.

[Phantom Lord]

From todays Binghamton Press & Sun-Bulletin...

Thanks to John Okenica for his letter calling for the impeachment of King George. The constant lying to the public has to stop. More of the public might be willing to back this if the media did a better job of reporting what is really going on as opposed to repeating propaganda the White House feeds them.

EILEEN SHELP-OLMSTEAD

WINDSOR

Another peg in my evidence board.

[tnlibertarian]

My wife gladly took my name because hers was, well, let's just say easily made fun of. On a lighter note, though, we bought a house shortly before we were married. She was looking forward to getting new address labels in the mail from some insurance company or the like. When the first ones arrived with our new address, they had my first name and her last name. Ever since, we still get occasional junk mail delivered to this person.