Posted on 06/11/2003 10:12:51 AM PDT by Congressman Billybob
"The Perfect Country and Western Song"
A lot of things happened last week that might seem worthy of discussion. Martha Stewart got indicted. Sam Waksal of ImClone was sentenced to seven years in jail (this week). The naughty bits of Hillary Clinton's autobiography leaked out a week early. Howell Raines and Gerald Boyd resigned from the New York Times. And the Israelis and Palestinians took tentative steps toward a hint of a beginning of peace. But there was another story last week of greater truth and enduring importance. Country Music Television (CMT) announced the top 100 country songs of all time.
It is possible to discuss weighty subjects without leaving the confines of country music. So we'll cover all those lesser stories in the course of covering the main subject. Don't believe that's possible? Hang onto your hats; we're in for a fast ride.
CMT followed a smart choice, similar to the American Film Institute in its various ratings of films and actors' performances. CMT had experts nominate 600 songs. Then it turned the voting over to the members of the Country Music Association, who are veterans and who know quality when they see it. The top ten songs in order, were these:
"Stand by Your Man," Tammy Wynette, 1968 (written by Billy Sherrill and Tammy Wynette); "He Stopped Loving Her Today," George Jones, George Jones (Bobby Braddock, Curly Putman); "Crazy," Patsy Cline, 1961, (Willie Nelson); "Ring of Fire," Johnny Cash, 1963, (June Carter Cash, Merle Kilgore); "Your Cheatin' Heart," Hank Williams, 1953 (Hank Williams); "Friends in Low Places," Garth Brooks, 1990 (Earl Bud Lee, DeWayne Blackwell); "I Fall to Pieces," Patsy Cline, 1961 (Hank Cochran, Harlan Howard); "Galveston," Glenn Campbell, 1969 (Jimmy Webb); "Behind Closed Doors," Charlie Pride, 1973 (Kenny O'Dell); "Mommas, Don't Let Your Children Grow Up to be Cowboys," Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, 1973 (Ed Bruce, Patsy Bruce)
It's worthwhile to name not just the performers, but the song writers who seldom get the credit they deserve. Sometimes, performers write their own hit songs. Sometimes surprises crop up, such as the fact that Willie Nelson was the songwriter for Patsy Cline's "Crazy."
Fox News had an excellent story on the Internet last week on the compilation of the 100 top country songs for CMT. It noted that, "Statistics such as weeks on the chart or total sales did not matter..., only the emotional, visceral reaction people have to a song."
That article ended with a quote from Ray Charles that captured the appeal of country music in a couple sentences. He said, "It's very plain, very simple music. It's just for the average guy. You don't have to be a scholar or you don't have to be in the elite class or nothing like that. You just have to listen to the music and listen to the lyrics and the lyrics tell everything."
Quite so, Mr. Charles. And now let us prove your point in the real world.
There is a single song – that unfortunately did not make the top 100 – which describes in its opening two lines the whole Martha Stewart thing. It perfectly captures the success of her many business ventures, her personal style, and the reason she did not cop a plea and accept a slap on the wrist a year ago. It is the Mac Davis 1980 (Mac Davis) favorite, "(Oh Lord,) It's Hard to be Humble (When you're Per-fect in E-ver-y way)."
Martha's friend, Sam Waksal of ImClone, was sentenced to more than seven years in jail plus a $3 million fine. His song is the Johnny Cash 1955 and 1968 favorite (Johnny Cash), "Folsom Prison Blues," number 25.
The autobiography of Hillary! (you DO remember that exclamation point on her earliest campaign materials, don't you?) provides a target-rich environment. Numbers 2, 3, 5 and 7 from the top 10 all leap to mind. "He Stopped Loving Her Today." "Crazy." "Your Cheatin' Heart." And "I Fall to Pieces." But the perfect one is number 76, the Waylon Jennings 1976 classic (Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson), "(She's a) Good-Hearted Woman (in Love with a Good-Timin' Man)." Well, halfway perfect -- Billyjeff Clinton is a good-timin' man.
The proper reply to the first Clinton biography (hers), and probably to the second one as well (his), is number 89 by Travis Tritt in 1991 (Travis Tritt), "Here's a Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)."
The resignations of Howell Raines as Executive Editor and Gerald Boyd as Managing Editor of the New York Times over the Jayson Blair plagiarisms and other faults, is another target-rich environment. Numbers 6 and 9, "Friends in Low Places" and "Behind Closed Doors." Number 20 by the Soggy Bottom Boys in 2000 (100+ years old, writer unknown), "I am a Man of Constant Sorrow." For Howell himself, the Charlie Daniel's 1979 favorite, number 69 (Charlie Daniels, Tom Crane, Taz DiGregorio, Fred Edwards, Charlie Halyward, Jim Marshall), "(The) Devil Went Down to Georgia." But of course the best is the classic from Johnny Paycheck in 1978 which came in at 93 (David Allen Coe), "Take This Job and Shove It."
For the Israelis and Palestinians the proper fit is an instrumental classic, which were sadly neglected in the top 100 list. (Only Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs made the list at number 95 with their 1949 classic (Earl Scruggs), "Foggy Mountain Breakdown.") But the instrumental that really fits the Israeli-Palestinian conflict didn't make the list. It is "Feudin' Banjos" by Don Reno and Arthur Smith from 1953 (Reno and Smith).
I do not mean to make fun of the conflict in Israel. The other three stories involve people who are to some extent stuffed shirts and deserve to be ridiculed. The Israeli situation deserves no such thing. Had President Lincoln and his generals not been gracious in victory toward their Confederate foes, the American Civil War would have continued for decades after its official end. (Yes, I know. It has continued to this day, but only as a literary and cultural contretemps.)
Prime Minister Sharon of Israel has shown grace. But since the Palestinians have not been totally defeated militarily as yet, it is necessary for Prime Minister Abbas of the Palestinians also to show grace. He is trying, but he cannot really do that as long as he is under the thumb of Yassir Arafat, and as long as Hamas is not under his thumb.
Returning to the main subject, the number 1 song, Wynette's "Stand by Your Man," is an excellent example of type. But it is not the "perfect country and western song." Ironically, that honor belongs to a song by Steve Goodman which did not even make the top 100 list. In a cultural environment littered with good times, personal losses, drinking and bad puns, the judges for Country Music Television got too serious in their analysis and left this gem on the cutting room floor.
The final verse of "You Never Even Called Me by my Name" performed by David Allen Coe, Charlie Pride and Merle Haggard (Steve Goodman) qualifies it as the "perfect country and western song." Here's the story:
At the end of the song as originally written, David Allen Coe says, "Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song, and he told me it was the perfect country and western song.... I told him it was NOT the perfect country and western song, ‘cause he hadn't said anything at all about mama, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or gettin' drunk. Well, he sat down and wrote another verse.... After reading it I realized my friend had written the perfect country and western song. ... the last verse goes like this here."
"Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison,
And I went to pick her up in the rain,
But before I could get to the station in my pick-up truck,
She got run over by a damned old train.
And I'll hang around as long as you will let me,
And I never minding standin' in the rain,
You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
You never even called me by my name."
Like I say, there's no subject under the sun that cannot be properly described within the confines of country music. Give it a try. Start with any subject in the news, then think creatively about the wide span of country music.
Reactions to this have been very good. I think Freepers will enjoy this.
Priceless!
I don’t know. I don’t normally think of Jimmy Buffet when I think of country. I suppose that one might qualify, but if you follow it up with Havana Daydreaming or something… it doesn’t sound quite right.
But if it’s Best Raunchy Country songs you want, David Allen Coe would still be the winner. In fact this article used lyrics from probably the only song from him (that I can remember offhand) that would be printable without heavy editing.
Ev'ry Time I go to Town, the Boys keep Kickin' my Dog Around
They caught My Sweetheart Makin' Booze But You Know I Love Her Still
I've Left Her Behind
Behind Me
What 8-? "DropKick Me Jesus, Thru the Goalposts of Life" and "Mama Tried" didn;t make it! I'm shocked!
The Nirvana tune "Smells Like Teen Spirit" came in Number One. Roger Hedgecock (filling in for Rush) read the lyrics and played a clip of that "music" today. The music was the nasal whining drone of a love-sick adolecent. The lyrics were the incoherent ramblings of a heroin addict, which, in fact, Kurt Cobain was.
And I went to pick up her up in the rain....
but before I could get there in my pick-up truck..... she gotted runned over by a danged ole train.....
OH.....you don't have to call me darling, DARLINGgg.....
Well, it went something like that, anyway.
You know what happens when you play a country song backwards? They rehire you at work, your wife takes you back and you sober up.
Heard that around the home country of Joplin Mo and Miami OK!
First Verse:
Well I was raised on country music
songs about drinking and cheating and losing.
Real sad songs that would make a grown man cry.
Songs about pain and unemployment,
songs that interfere with life's enjoyment.
you sing about these things, you're singing about my life.
Well, I think I found me a way to remove the curse
Just take a country record, play it in reverse.
Chorus:
If you take a country song and you play it backwards,
You sober up and you don't cheat on your wife
and your dead dog comes to life!
Your truck gets fixed and you get your job back,
there's money in the bank and you never ever had that fight.
and everythings all right.
Second Verse:
Now if you think that you got problems
I've got one good way to solve 'em
guaranteed to turn your life around.
Tears, divorce, sheer frustration
broken hearts and aggravation
You don't have to go around feeling down.
Well I know this might sound crazy, but it works.
You take a country song and you play it in reverse.
Chorus:
If you take a country song and you play it backwards,
You sober up and you don't cheat on your wife
and your dead dog comes to life!
Your truck gets fixed and you get your job back,
there's money in the bank and you never ever had that fight.
and everythings all right.
Bridge:
Well the roof quits leaking,
the kids behave, you get out of jail, the bills get payed
Your wife quits calling you a lazy bum
and your mother in law finally goes back home.
Chorus:
If you take a country song and you play it backwards,
You sober up and you don't cheat on your wife
and your dead dog comes to life!
Your truck gets fixed and you get your job back,
there's money in the bank and you never ever had that fight.
and everythings all right.
and every-things all right!
Thanks! I didn't know there was such a song. Guess I wasn't first to think of it.
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