LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

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[JoeSixPack1]

OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Rules for Women to Live By

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[Servant of the Nine]

but please wash the hands when your done!!

LOL! That is something that I hope any guy would do.

In the North, they teach a gentleman to wash his hands after micturation.
In the South we teach a gentleman not to piss on his hands.

So9

[ChefKeith]

that reminds me of my sister-in-law. She was at her mother-in-law's for a visit and her M-I-L was an "under" person. My sister-in-law is an "over" person. This is what happens when two "alpha" females are staying in the same house. Whenever my s-i-l used the toilet she would switch the toilet paper roll from "under" to "over". Then whenever she went back to the toilet, the roll was mysteriously "under" again.

Sounds to Me like they have WAY too much time on the hands.

Next time You are over there install a second holder and put one roll each way, then watch the fun...

[Centurion2000]

bump

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

Actually, several of those things sounded like me. (I'm thinking that might not be good.)

[Centurion2000]

I love this and don't have a problem with any of it. But what if we basically look like and act like and dress like a Victoria's Secret girl and he STILL won't act like a soap opera guy?

Would that be because watching soap operas for a guy is less preferable to say ... pre-fontal lobotomy and castration .... ????

My own summary of soap operas ..... someone's in trouble, someone's just getting out of trouble and dealing with consequences, someone's having an affair, someone's getting in trouble ... and about once every year someone dies.

That pretty much says it all for soap operas. What do women see in these things ??

[geege]

Thank God for the "night light":0)

[wimpycat]

LOL! Actually, my sister-in-law did it as a sort of joke, just to see what her mother-in-law would do.

[honeygrl]

"My sister-in-law is an "over" person. This is what happens when two "alpha" females are staying in the same house. Whenever my s-i-l used the toilet she would switch the toilet paper roll from "under" to "over". Then whenever she went back to the toilet, the roll was mysteriously "under" again. "

I switch my parents from under to over everytime I go to their house, sometimes in both bathrooms. They only live 5 minutes away so I take the kids over a lot.

[null and void]

Margaret? Is that you???

[honeygrl]

"The question still remains - Why couldn't you just donate the money instead? "

Because hair is what children in chemo need. There are plenty of places that donate money. Not so many donating hair.

[honeygrl]

"besides, I like the look of a French braid and you can't do those with short hair"

I can't do those with long hair. Especially to my own hair. Maybe I'll get someone to teach hubby to do it for me. He already dyes my hair for me.

[Servant of the Nine]

"Learn how to work the toilet seat"....hey guys, we already know but what you don't realize is that a bathroom trip during the middle of the night is done in the dark (for your comfort)!! I challenge any man to take a bathroom trip during the middle of the night with no lights and sit on the seat...I guarantee you that you too would complain."

I can manage the toilet seat, up or down, but the cute toilet seat covers that are so thick the lid and seat won't stay up have to go.

If you don't allocate one hand to holding them, they will swing down like a lesbian with nunchuks on Mr. Happy every time. This will definitely cause overspray, not to mention screams in the night.
Besides, "It takes two hands to handle a whopper"

So9

[BSunday]

Uh, I know this now. PLEASE READ the post 176. It would have saved you a few key strokes.

[JoeSixPack1]

Format c:\ and install Virtual Girl 2.0 and MS Money. You might get acne and a hairy palm, but your computer won't crash and your wallet won't disintegrate!!

<|:0~~~

[BlueNgold]

On toilet seats .. I used to put it down, and the top lid too .. and would then get in trouble for doing THAT. One night she was kind sleepy-groggy, sat down, and kinda made a mess... Then I got in trouble for laughing when I had to go get her the mop and 409...

[=Intervention=]

Exactly! It is nothing more than a stereotype of men and by watching it I become that stereotype and sell-out to the PC version of men as stupid drooling brutes that they're pushing. Forget that.

[Mr. Mojo]

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

Saturdays as well. ....Like today, for instance: 1) Yankee game in 5 minutes (where Roger Clemems goes for his 300th win), 2) The Belmont in a few hours (where Funnycide competes to win the third leg of the Triple Crown), and Arturo Gatti vs. Mickey Ward tonight at 7:00pm on HBO (the rubber match in their entertaining 3-fight series).

[cake_crumb]

"Men also want to feel they are the center of her universe."

LOL...darned right they do, which is why mine's spoiled rotten. As long as he REMEMBERS he's spoiled rotten, he doesn't have a problem...if he forgets...well, no more guaranteed spoiling rotten for him.

[JoeSixPack1]

There is a tested and approved procedure for seat top smackaroonie prevention!

Remove heavy carpet seat cover and discard, lift seat with left hand, stand back 12 inches and smile. :-)

Claim ignorance when confronted with "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SEAT COVER?" Smile and change subject to dinner at Wong's chinese joint.

If still breathing, make reservations for two!

[null and void]

Telling whoppers again swervie?...