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WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

We need... = I want...

I am sorry = you'll be sorry

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry = I am hungry

I am sleepy = I am sleepy

I am tired = I am tired

Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

I love you = Let's have sex now

I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question

May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins

Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you