Posted on 05/21/2003 10:14:28 PM PDT by Rennes Templar
My parents kept handy a stockpile of wonderful, extremely colorful verbal expressions to keep me and my siblings in line during our childhood.
It seemed they had one to fit nearly every occasion.
When you were "acting up" (which is ghetto-speak for misbehaving) in one of those rare instances when they were kind enough to allow you the benefit of a warning, you'd hear:
"Boy, if you don't stop this instance, I'll come over there and beat the black off you."
If you were too engaged in your misbehavior to recognize the warning as such, the next words you'd hear were:
"I'm going to slap the taste out of your mouth."
Which would be followed by the words:
"Nurse — 5,000 CC's of adrenaline – stat! He's about to flatline on us again!"
When it came to disciplining, my parents did not play – and I thank them for it.
Of all the expressions that I now look back fondly on, my favorite is:
"Boy, you done lost your mind, showing your ass like that in front of me."
That expression was reserved for those occasions when you completely forgot yourself and surrendered to wild, bold, saucy abandon. It was seldom trod territory and you'd know that there were "going to be consequences for your actions" so you had to make the best of the moment.
(Here's a point of etiquette: When exhibiting one's derriere, it is advisable that you make sure that a number of sober, credible witnesses (preferably of the sort not given to reporting UFO sightings or alien abductions) are present thereby insuring that the necessary inquiries are made by the proper authorities in the event of your sudden disappearance or demise.)
Anyway, the reason I like the expression so much is that as a black, conservative Republican, who works in the mainstream press no less (go figure), I have occasion to show my derriere quite frequently. And I do so with wild, bold, saucy abandon. I never shrink at an opportunity.
But here's the best part: I suffer little to no "consequences for my actions" for a couple of notable reasons. Number one, most black people tend to marginalize me because they consider me a traitor to my race – so who cares what they think? And, besides, what are they going to do – accuse me of being a racist towards black people.
The second reason can be chalked up to the politically correct environment that has been erected by liberals. In such an environment my skin color serves as a sort of lead shield against any retribution whenever I break a P.C. law.
G-d certainly does work in mysterious ways, don't he?
In other words, I can get away with saying and doing things that a whole lot of other people (especially white males) would be pilloried for.
I know a lot of you know what I'm talking about because I've gotten a number of e-mail from people saying that they'd lose their jobs or would be labeled a racist for saying and doing some of the things I write about.
For instance, I don't have to hold my tongue whenever I hear some liberal black person or liberal white person whining that too many black people are in prison. I gleefully point out that that's a good thing because so many black people are committing crimes.
But I'm not content to leave it at that. Oh no, not me.
I go on to add that my only regret is that more black people aren't being locked up and if I had it my way I'd erect 40-foot walls topped off with concertina wire around the nation's housing projects to save everyone the fuss and expense of tracking all those criminals down.
Yes, I know that's a little over the top, but it brings me endless satisfaction to see the faces of liberals pucker up like they've been sucking on lemons genetically engineered for the optimum in sourness.
But the occasions in which I really drop trou' and exhibit the old rump involves the word "nigger" — the A-bomb of racial slurs. I'll get in a crowd of compassionate, caring liberals and start hurling that word around like confetti. I use that word in every way humanly possible – as a verb, adverb, noun, adjective and even as a dangling participle.
I wish you could see and hear me. Nothing or no one is safe when I take off on one of those jags.
So even though those of my ilk get called all kinds of vile names (Uncle Tom, Oreo, brain-washed, house nigger, etc.), you really shouldn't feel sorry for us. We're as liberated as any person can be in these times. It's what I call the joy of being a black, conservative Republican.
To comment on this article or express your opinion directly to the author, you are invited to e-mail Perry at pdrake4153@cs.com .
Look, I brought you INTO this world, and I can take you right out of it, too.
I emailed it.
Look, I brought you INTO this world, and I can take you right out of it, too.
And his follow-up line:
"...and I can make another one that looks just like you."
But here's the best part: I suffer little to no "consequences for my actions" for a couple of notable reasons. Number one, most black people tend to marginalize me because they consider me a traitor to my race – so who cares what they think? And, besides, what are they going to do – accuse me of being a racist towards black people.
And that is the point. He suffers no "consequences" because his social life is based entirely on white people. He neither has nor wants black friends or lovers and probably has little relationship with his family. His "courage" is that of a social climber who has turned his back on his humble origins.
It is precisely because of "black conservatives" like him who are more interested in putting as much distance as possible between themselves and everything black that conservatism has shown absolutely no growth whatsoever over the past two decades in the black community. Not that people like him would ever care.
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