Sex is part and parcel of the marriage contract. Both sides owe it to their partner to meet each other's needs, in all things, including sex!
And contrary to popular misconception, wedding cake need not be an anti-aphrodisiac!
I don't plan on golfing every weekend, because my wife is going to need me to do something for her. (I literally have no hobbies, in order to provide time to her and our children.) I likewise expect and appreciate it when she realizes that she needs to make some time for me, for physical and emotional loving.
Is it always like that? No, sometimes I'm a reluctant house-husband for her, and sometimes she's not exactly brimming with desire. Bbut more often than not we are happy (and happier) to meet each others needs.
And lastly, frankly the worst sex any man every had was still pretty wonderful!
"Consent and fake it" would be more accurate. Why on earth would you pull the martyr routine "Oh, well I guess I'll do it to make you happy"? Why even bother giving if you can't bring yourself to give enthusiastically, even if it is only enthusiasm over the actual act of giving?
More than any reply on this thread, this one summarizes the main difference between men and women when it comes to sex. The very word "sex" conjures up two entirely different meanings and interpretations to us. Unless both spouses understand this and strive to be selfless in their marriage (vs. selfish, as in "What will I get out of this?"), there will be problems.
For anyone reading this thread who really wants to improve their marriage, here's some advice. It's free, so take it for what it's worth. And if you read this and think, "Yeah! This is what my spouse needs to know," then forget it. Save your money and spend it on a porn magazine or a dildo. On the other hand, if you can bring yourself to think, "Wow, maybe this is what we need," then it may just help your marriage. It did mine, but it took efforts on both of our parts (pun intended :).
(BTW, this isn't addressed to anyone in particular). Go to your local bookstore and buy a book by William Harley, Jr. called "His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage." I don't know the man; I just know it has helped my own marriage and the marriage of couples we know. (It was used in a Sunday School class we were in.)
Bring the book home and ask your spouse if he/she would like to improve your marriage. After he/she says "yes" (hopefully), pull out the book and make a plan to read it. Together. And with an open mind! Here are some of the chapters in the book:
It takes two, not just one. I've been in a marriage where I was the only one willing to work at it -- it's no fun. My experience has been that if your spouse isn't willing to work at it with you, either by going to a qualified (emphasis on "qualified") marriage counselor or by reading self-help books together, well... good luck to you and I wish you all the best.
There are fundamental differences between men and women with regards to sex, possibly having to do with the respective roles of emitter and receptor.
Most women seem to have a need for emotional "connection" in order to have enjoyable sex. A much smaller percentage of men have that need. For a large percentage of men, emotional connection is a bonus, but not a prerequisite, to enjoyable sex. For a large percentage of men, it is not necessary to be in love with a woman, or even particularly like her, in order to enjoy having sex with her
A clue that this is so is the fact that prostitution is a viable occupation for women, but you hardly ever hear of women hiring a guy for sex.
Not "a woman", his wife. And he doesn't really want her to "consent when she doesn't want it"---he wants her to want it. That is what makes him feel loved.
Pretty simple concept. Flies right over the heads of a lot of women, though. The man's sexual interest in her was an essential part of the romance, before the marriage; whether she realizes it or not, it is also a major part of what made *her* feel loved.
Ironically, when a woman who is no longer interested in sex gets her way, and the begging, wheedling, and cajoling for lovemaking finally stop altogether-- she'll die on the vine a lot faster than he will. And her resentment may be even greater than his.
I am a woman, btw, so please don't tell me I know zip about female sexuality.
What's really a mystery to most men is that women - who consider themselves the relationship experts - would even have to ask a question like that.
A man doesn't want a woman to "consent" to sex that she really doesn't want. He wants to be desired by the woman he loves. He wants affection from the woman who says she loves him, and he finds begging for it degrading.
I can't imagine getting aroused to have sex with someone I knew didn't want sex. What fun is that?
Precisely. But more importantly, why doesn't she want sex with the man she says she loves?