'Honey, You Repel Me': Advice For Couples in a Sexless Marriage

Wall Street Journal ^ | Thursday, May 15, 2003 | SUE SHELLENBARGER

[WaveThatFlag]

A few times in my 12 years writing this column, I've stumbled on a topic so unsettling to readers that it demanded a follow-up. Last month was one of those times, when my story on the problems of dual-income, no-sex marriages drew a torrent of e-mail that read as if I'd jabbed an open wound.

[dark_lord]

Heh heh. You must not know that Ben Franklin has a reputation as the quintessential "dirty old man" and is rumored to have had quite a hand with the ladies when he was Ambassador to France (of course, there is no actual evidence of this, and the source of the rumors have been rumored to be John Adams who was supposedly envious of old Ben.)

[Scothia]

He never let her know he found it. Instead, he walked out to the garden, picked a cayenne pepper, broke in half and rubbed it all over the device.

Maybe if he'd used the cayenne on his own device a lot sooner, his wife wouldn't have resorted to a machine.

[cake_crumb]

"Sometimes a good sense of humor is the best thing to bring to the marriage bed."

Amen to THAT!

[=Intervention=]

I would love for my wife to ask me what I thought!! Of course, I'd love to have a wife, too! :)

[mombonn]

had God intended sex only for procreation and not pleasure, he could have had it accomplished by a handshake

And, He wouldn't have allowed us old women beyond the age of bearing children to still enjoy ourselves!

;-)

[jellybean]

You talk a lot of shitake, but when it comes down to it are you able to flambé?

[dirtboy]

Are we ever gonna have sex again?

By Amy Rigby and Sherry Rich
From the album: Til the Wheels Fall Off

Life's become a great big list
Of things to do and buy and fix
At night we pass out before ten
Are we ever gonna have sex again?

I looked for your id today
Seemed that id had gone away
Ain't been used since who knows when
Are we ever gonna have sex again?

We used to be triple x rated
Look at us now, so domesticated
Don't you hate it?

What happened to babe and stud?
Too much KFC and Bud
I shout it out into the wind
Are we ever gonna have sex again?

Come here baby, scratch my itch
Or I'll show you one mean ass bitch
I'm so tired of acting Zen
Are we ever gonna have sex again?

Screw making love
It's way too ambitious
Let's get down on the rug
After you finish the dishes

Not now hon, the eggs are frying
But you get extra points for trying
Maybe I can squeeze you in
Between the PTA and CNN
Are we ever gonna have sex again?

[Junior]

What about when her idea of foreplay is a two and a half hour swedish massage?

Sounds like my wife.

[SeeRushToldU_So]

Surely you jest?

[cake_crumb]

"I work out regularly plus martial arts, love being in shape, cant say the same for my wife, tried repeatedly to get her involved. Causing big time problems. Any ideas? Hard for me to just come out and say it, she cries at the drop of a hat"

Sounds like she's got other problems, depression being one of them. When those are addressed, she'll likely be able to get into shape.

[=Intervention=]

"The funny answer is, because no matter how old, or what the situation, all men think the same things, all the time; "I'd like a beer and I'd like to see somethin' nekkid."

hahahahahahahahahahah!

Surely, you jest! I hate beer and I don't wanna see naked chicks! Beauty has so many different forms, and as for eros, nothing like the hint of lingere to prove the catalyst to a firestorm...

[Dutchgirl]

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband

Ahhh...duty sex, aka pity sex. Flannel instead of silk, stubble instead of smooth skin, five sweaty minutes instead of hours alone...

Why spend $100.00 on a therapist, when the kids and chores can be left with grandma and the $100.00 could pay for a Holiday Inn, a bottle of wine, whipped cream...?

[Scothia]

yes we have one child, giving birth is no excuse..it is however an "easy out". I have a sister that has had 4 children and has 0 body fat and is an aerobics instructor. My other sister has had three kids and is in excellent shape. Because they work out and watch what they eat. The child thing doesnt really cut it, I know too many women who have kids and dont blimp out.

Your sisters and you share the same genes, which obviously run towards less body fat. Plus one is an aerobics instructor, fer cryin' out loud! If you wanted an athlete, why didn't you marry one? The fact is, some women tend towards holding onto weight more than others. Your attitude towards your wife is extremely harsh. Maybe the woman eats because you are too busy admiring your pecs in the mirror and are neglecting her emotionally.

Just a thought.

[watchin]

Doesn't work for anybody. For a woman with a sex drive, it's not necessary. I know some real losers whose wives are all over them.

After twenty years of marriage, as well as doing a lot of marriage counseling, I have come to the conclusion that for women without a sex drive, nothing works.

As a matter of fact, all of those nice guy efforts will merely be interpreted as an effort to get sex.

Sometimes it's hopeless, and the promises are just cruel manipulation.

[Celantro]

Note this:

"CHASTITY: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."

[Phantom Lord]

Baby Fat! The kid is 35!

I heard this at a party once. Found it pretty funny.

[SouthParkRepublican]

” We need to lay off the Powdered Doughnut Pancake Surprise and Cheezy Poofs”

Cheezy-Poofs can do that (as can beer but I wont give up either). I guess as long as you are both comfortable with it and have a great time together it’s fine provided it is mutual and equitable. It’s one thing for a couple to put on 20 or 30 pounds but lets face it; it’s hard to find someone sexually stimulating if they have to bathe themselves with a sponge on the end of a stick.

[Celantro]

See post 175

[stylin19a]

Sometimes it's a matter of priorities/ability:

Couple in their 70's, married 50 years.
Wife is feeling frisky and asks: " Wanna climb upstairs and make love?"
He looks at her and says: "I can do one or the other..."

[Phantom Lord]

My wife eats because I cook kick ass dinners! She looses weight when I go away on vacation and complaines she had to cook. I keep telling her, heating up a can of campbells in the microwave is not cooking!