A Problem With No Solution: The Death of a Beloved Child

The Washington Post ^ | 5/9/2003 | Marguerite Kelly

[Utah Girl]

I've written the Family Almanac for 25 years, not because I'm so wise but because I'm so interested in the questions I get.

Parents have the most exhilarating, amusing, creative job in the world, and the most exhausting, demanding, relentless one, too. Somehow they are expected to do their best, day after day, even when they're scrambling to pay the rent or hold their marriage together or work for a wretched boss.

I've answered questions on everything from addictions to bed-wetting, day care to college, self-confidence to sex, but this time I'm the one with the problem and I don't know how to solve it.

Our only son, Mike -- an embedded journalist in Iraq -- was rushing toward Baghdad Airport on April 3 when his Humvee was ambushed, causing it to flip upside down and fall into a canal. Death was quick, but grief, I find, keeps going on and on and on and it affects me in strange ways.

...But mostly I remember my son as he really was. Not perfect, of course, but he was mine and he suited us so well.

Mike's political column could be fierce and it infuriated some readers, but he was a sunny, funny fellow who made fun of himself, easily and often. That boy could make a dog laugh.

[Utah Girl]

A wonderful tribute to Michael Kelly, who died in Iraq while covering the war.

[pubmom]

Beautiful.

[andysandmikesmom]

I lost my older boy, also named, Mike, to leukemia...he was just 15yrs old, and that was almost 18yrs ago...and I still mourn and miss him so much....

The pain I felt when he first died, was numbing, as I believe I was just in shock....slowly, as the shock wore off, the pain just seemed to intensify...I cannot even remember the whole first year after he died...I seem to have some amnesia for that time, and even tho I have had lots and lots of therapy, I have not gotten my memory back from that time and my therapist doubts I ever will get it back...perhaps its all for the best, my mind seems to have taken that year away from me, because it was so painful...

There is no advice I can ever give to anyone else who has lost a child...each parent that loses as child, must find their own personal way to cope with that loss...we all do it in our own way, and in our own time, and do not necessarily follow some little random rules of how to cope with grief...

This was a wonderful tribute to Michael Kelley...sometimes just sharing that deceased childs life with others, is a way to find some small solace...

Not a day goes by, that I do not miss my deceased child...I think of him each and every day, and remember him as my beloved boy...I suspect, that even at the hour of my own death, I will be remembering my son....

The pain and grief that I feel at having lost him, is as great as ever, just not as sharp as it once was...but its there, and always will be...

And I am sure, that every parent who has ever lost a child, will feel that pain and grief all their lives...I guess the trick of it is, to try to live ones life, as normally as possible, while coping with that grief and pain...no easy or small feat...

[Scothia]

This was a wonderful story from a mother's heart. So was the one from andysandmikesmom.

I also just lost my son Jeremy, not two months ago (please see my profile.) I miss him intensely every day and don't expect there will ever come a time when I don't.

Are there ever any words to express how much we love our sons, and how proud we are of them?

[Utah Girl]

I have no words to comfort you who have lost children. I am so sorry.

[thegreatbeast]

A fan of Kelly's, I have a new dimension now to my appreciation of him. Hearing his mom tell of his getting the boys to help him with small home repairs, painting his own beach house assure me that he wasn't one of the Washington dilettantes that work so strenuously not to brush up against the Great Unwashed.
Very poignant. But it is to be remembered that life, this life, is for the living, and you must pay attention to what is happening now because it passes by so quickly.

[kcvl]

That was a beautiful way to put it. Maybe you would like to send it to Mrs. Kelly.


advice@margueritekelly.com

[andysandmikesmom]

Thank you all for your kind words...

Scothia...I am so sorry for your loss...because its so recent, I know you are hurting so much...I will pray for you and your family, knowing that the Lord can and does comfort us, when we need it...

[kcvl]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.

[andysandmikesmom]

Done....thanks for the suggestion...sometimes it helps to hear from others, who have somewhat of the same experience...

[Exit148]

I am typing thru tears and a heavy heart just thinking of your loses. May the good Lord hold you both close to him and the memories of your dear sons sustain you.

[andysandmikesmom]

Thank you for your kind thoughts...Freepers always have kind thoughts for those of us who have lost our children...

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

I lost my older boy, also named, Mike, to leukemia...he was just 15yrs old, and that was almost 18yrs ago...and I still mourn and miss him so much....

I read your post and could not hold the tears back thinking of my own son.

I cannot comprehend the heart and soul rending grief that must accompany such a loss. I grieve for your loss and pray for you and your family.

[Scothia]

How kind you all are. Yes, God does meet us in our need. I used my own sorrow to spur me on to pray for the families of all those wonderful men and the young woman who died in Iraq during the recent war. So moving! My son couldn't go into the military because of his health, but he surely would have. He was a warrior and a hero in his own right.

[VOA]

Ping...Hugh Hewitt read a bit of this today.

[potlatch]

My heart goes out to those, who have lost a grown child. I think there is no worst pain. I lost a 4 month old son and I grieve his loss, but I don't have the years of 'memories'. They are waiting for us in Heaven.

[Utah Girl]

My heart goes out to all who have lost a child. Such pain, but there is Heaven and the knowledge that we will see them again.

[potlatch]

Yes. That's the great thing about our 'faith'. What would we do without it!?

[ALOHA RONNIE]

NEVER FORGET


..A true Anti-CLINTON Fighter is now being Lovingly embraced by his Maker, the LOVE Itself...
...for his LOVE of JUSTICE.


NEVER FORGET

[ladyinred]

Very moving tribute. Going through something like this is not easy, and it takes time to work through. You never really get over it, you just learn to live with it.