Iraqi leader receives coded message from American President

Inside the NSA | 04/13/2003 | Newbomb

[Newbomb Turk]

Saddam got a coded message from President Bush. It read: 370HSSV-0773H

Saddam was stumped and sent for the Iraqi Intelligence Service. The Iraqi Intelligence Service was stumped too, so it went to the Special Security Service . The Special Security Service couldn't solve it either, so they asked Baddad Bob.

He suggested turning it upside down ...

[Newbomb Turk]

Post your favorite joke of this war before it's to late.

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[Sir Gawain]

groan

[Judith Anne]

I actually turned my laptop upside down. ;-D

[longtermmemmory]

ha ha bump

[patton]

LOL!

[Constitution Day]

Reminds me of a long, long ago joke (7th grade or so) with a TI pocket calculator.

It involved Dolly Parton & the answer was 55378008 (when you turned it upside down).

BOOBLESS, that is.

[Arkinsaw]

Saddam went out on the street to show that he was still alive and to greet the people during the bombing and to stick a finger in the eye of the infidels.

While he was shaking hands and frightening babies he looked up and saw DEATH standing nearby staring at him with the strangest look on his face.

Frightened for his life, Saddam ordered Sahaf to give him his car keys immediately. "Death himself is standing right there ready to take me! I must flee to the bunker in Samarra immediately. Death is here in Baghdad for me! Saddam jumped into Sahaf's car and roared off northward as fast as he could go.

Sahaf rushed over to Death and asked him, "Why did you stand there frightening Saddam so?"

Death said, "I did not mean to frighten him so, I was just surprised to see him here in Baghdad since I have an appointment with him in Sammara this afternoon."

[Brad’s Gramma]

bada boom

[potlatch]

LOL! I almost did that too!

[upchuck]

!!!BREAKING NEWS!!!

Saddam has just shot both of his sons dead!!! Seems he found them drinking Busch beer!!!!!!!!!

Groan.

[exit82]

Reminds of a line in an old poem: "I could stop for Death, so he kindly stopped for me."

[Atlas Sneezed]

"...before it's to late."

It's to late, I'm series. And this is HUGH!

[Minty]

Nice really nice.

[Arkinsaw]

Saddam was injured in the initial U.S. bombing and was receiving medical care in an underground bunker. He said to the doctors, "Will I live?"

The doctor said, "Oh yes, you will live. Till the Americans get here and then you are screwed."

[Arkinsaw]

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy O'Hara up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next-door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub -- that makes eight!"

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have a million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorrah!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."

Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have sixteen thousand tanks, fourteen thousand armoured personnel carriers, and my army has increased to two million men since we last spoke."

"Bloody hell!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "We've had a look at the Geneva Convention, all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

[Arkinsaw]

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?

A: A refund.

[xJones]

"The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA testing. Apparently we have an sample of his DNA. So Monica Lewinsky is working for the CIA?" —Jay Leno

"There are reports that Saddam has been spotted in central Baghdad. Parts of him were also spotted in northern Baghdad, eastern Baghdad and western Baghdad." —Jay Leno

"It does not look good for Saddam Hussein and his sons. Yesterday we bombed the restaurant where they were eating and today I went on the Internet and they were selling pieces of Uday and Qusay on eBay." —Jay Leno

"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral." —David Letterman

"Saddam Hussein in his interview with Dan Rather said he would rather die than leave his country in exile. Finally, something we can agree on, he'd rather die and we'd rather kill him." —Jay Leno

"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education – anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda – and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out." —Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein has told his people that U.S. troops will commit suicide when they get to the gates of Baghdad. That's when you know you have a bad army, when your only hope for victory is that the enemy's troops kill themselves." —Jay Leno

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news — they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel." —David Letterman

"Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had incentive to bomb Iraq before, imagine if Congress was over there." —Jay Leno

"Germany is now saying that they won’t go along with an invasion of Iraq. However, they did say they would go along if the invasion included Poland, France and Belgium." —Jay Leno

[flutters]

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him. The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why from that day to now all French Army officers wear brown pants.