Chaos rules as the Furniturebath spreads
The gruesome scene yesterday throughout the streets of Baghdad looked like something straight out of a horror flick -- or from the depths of hell. Warnings that mass chaos would follow U.S. military action in Iraq, brushed aside cavalierly as foolish pessimism from doomsayers, appeared tragically prophetic this weekend.
Across the ancient city, east from the Tigris River to Baghdad International Airport, chilling reminders of humanity's unbridled capacity for unspeakable cruelty to government offices, chandeliers, bathroom fixtures, paintings, central banks, Uday's yacht, Uday's luxury home, Uday's CDs, Uday's guns, Uday's curtains, Uday's tractor, Aziz's personal library, Aziz's luxury villa, Aziz's pictures of half-naked women, Saddam's collected works, Saddam's yacht, Saddam's whiskey -- even Saddam's innocent furniture was spared not by the evil needy -- these impoverished and hungry evil-doers! It was anarchy so wanton, looting of office furniture so unspeakably lurid, it defied every and all description. A world was shocked and appalled.
Forget the bloodbath scenario -- this is worse, far worse. Far more gruesome and macabre.
It's a furniturebath!
Alas, I burst into tears just thinking of what these heartless destitutes perpetrated against the home of Saddam's cousin, Chemical Ali, don't you?
Or the horrid and ghastly third-degree burns inflicted on the Ministry of Trade and planning building -- these criminals even shot and killed the Ministry of Education building, for Pete's sake!
Ministry of Industry offices? Completely disemboweled; its innocent computers, furniture, switchboards, lighting, fixtures -- quivering with fear as they were dragged away, in broad daylight, in full view of the Zionist crusaders -- all were "disappeared." These are crimes -- crimes against humanity, er, um, furniture! The U.N. has something called a Human Rights Committee, headed by Libya. All well and good -- but what about a committee for the truly voiceless: Furniture, lighting, fixtures, paintings, yachts, CDs, pictures of half-naked women, monuments to Saddam, Ba'ath Party paraphernalia, luxury homes, villas, curtains, libraries, guns...well, maybe not guns. Fired up, I rang my pal, ol' Col Muammar Gadafy, and asked him to look into setting up some sort of Sub-Committee for Missing Furniture.
Look, somebody's gotta do something to stop the carnage -- too many innocent buildings have been killed or maimed. Too many goods have been "disappeared." Think of the psychological trauma that'll haunt Uday's luxury home, now occupied lawlessly by lawless needy Shi'ite Muslims! What hideous sacrilege! What chaos! The city of Baghdad has plunged into lawlessness. In this chaos and anarchy, the poor are stealing from the rich (bottom 99% taking from the top 1%), which is grossly unfair, and runs afoul of Ba'athist teaching.
Oh, how I long for the days when Iraqis would fear even glancing at Saddam's palaces! Those who dared peek got a date with the executioner. Those were the good ol' days.
In Mansur district, a Ba'athist official woke up to glimpse the most unimaginable horror: A half dozen Shi'ites bathing in his swimming pool. Walking through the marbled corridors, yet more horror awaits: Shi'ites dancing in his marble-floored ballroom. Adding insult to injury: Shi'ite handprints on every door handle (the doors are inlaid with gold). Tears in his eyes, he said, "I stole all of this from the people -- what gives the people any right to take it back?"
Good question.
Sincerely,
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf,
Former Iraq Minister of Information (AKA, 'Baghdad Bob')PS: Oh, by the way, there is still no presense of American infidels in Baghdad. All of them have been slaughtered. Don't have any details yet, but will keep you posted. Bye, now!
My two cents
"JohnHuang2"
