Posted on 04/03/2003 9:09:09 PM PST by TheBigB
"No, Bones, how does Saddam like his leg of lamb?"
"One each around his ears!"
Bada Bang! Bada Bing!
"So far as the reports of threats to the Iraqi Public,
here we have one of Saddam's Special Republican Guards
broadcasting to Iraqi men that if they do not go to
the airport and die fighting the Americans Infidels,
she will personaly come to their house and screw them to death."
"Hey, Jim Boy? Did you know Saddam was a Frat boy in college?"
"No, Bones, I didn't."
"Yeah, he pledged Faruk A Yew!"
Bada Bang! Bada Bing!
Want a break from war news? Go to the Stark Trek Freeper Post or the New Stark Trek Website for a laugh or two. Then come back refreshed and loaded for bear!
He also funds and runs a scholarship for gifted young mechanical engineering students, and is a major philanthropist toward votech schools. All low key, with no bragging. Leno is the real deal.
Liked his 200 mile family trip with Pres. Bush as the daddy driving.
They weren't booing MM, they were booing Dennis Miller for making fun of him! That's the ticket! Yeah!
Jay Leno: Im fascinated to hear your take on the election. Because you always have a little different look at things than most Hollywood people.
Dennis Miller: I want to congratulate my President. I think he had a great day. I think George Bush is a good man. [applause]
Leno: Yeah? He did a fine job.
Miller: I think, I think hes a good man and I think hes done a fine job in these last two years. I dont think hes a great man but I would prefer that our President would be a good man because great men tend to believe they're great men and then they end up not being great men any more. I like Bush because he seems like a regular decent guy. And you know what? Hes a big picture guy. Which just shocks me. Because when he first came into the office I think many of us thought that he was the sort of guy who watched television one pixel at a time. But uh, shockingly hes proven himself to be a big picture guy. I like his sense of humor. At least I hope its his sense of humor. I uh, sometimes think its Norm Crosbys sense of humor. But uh, I think the thing I like most about him is that hes not Clinton. I just think hes a decent guy. I mean, you know... [applause]
Miller: Im telling ya when I watch those, the videotape of the retarded kids playing uh, tee-ball on the White House lawn, on the field that he built for them.
Leno: Yeah.
Miller: And I juxtapose it with Clinton and the wocka-wocka porno guitar of the Clinton administration. I just like Bush, he makes me proud to be an American again. Hes just a decent guy.
Leno: He is a decent guy. But do you-
Miller: And you know what, what? Jay what, what are the Democrats really offering? You know I consider both sides in an election before I vote. I looked at what the Democrats are saying. Theyre saying, 'Listen we want more of your money and were not really keen on preemptively protecting you from bad guys.' You know what folks? I dont want the bad guys to have the next move. I dont want to see two more big buildings blown up.
Miller soon explained: Listen, I began to go off liberal America when they insisted to me that Rudy Giuliani was a bad guy. You remember that years ago? How they told us Rudy Giuliani, they always like tinged on the Nazi reference.
Leno: Right, right, yeah right.
Miller: 'Hes a storm-trooper! Hes a bad guy! Every time Id go to New York it was cleaner and safer and Id think, 'Wait a second how bad a guy can this guy be? And now you dont hearing anybody saying that because its been proven out that Rudy Giuliani is a good man....
After an ad break, he elaborated on Iraq: Its not a perfect world. Listen I think Bushs old man could have ended this whole dilemma in the Middle East around 12 years ago. We were like two exits away on the Jersey Turnpike from croaking this toad and we back off because the coalition doesnt want us to go up the road. Are you kidding me? The coalition? This better not happen again. You know Tony Blair is a cute kid and one of my favorite Martin Short characters in waiting, but the simple fact is we dont consult the Brits on anything anymore. We havent listened to them since our boys dressed up like the Hakawi tribe and boosted all the Tetley tea in the Beantown Harbor around 200 years ago. I dont want to ask the Brits what to do here. We gotta assassinate Saddam Hussein. Why have we taken assassination off the table as a viable political tool? And yet theyll tell you the collateral damage of civilians is acceptable. But youre not allowed to assassinate the main pain in the ass. My theory is if you have trouble with your conscience pretend youre trying to kill the guy next to him and think of him as collateral damage, alright?! If that will allow you to get to bed at night. [applause]
Miller: Listen. Negotiating with Saddam Hussein is about as practical as practicing aroma therapy on a French man. Okay? Its not going to happen.
Miller took on liberal wimpiness: You know I find our approach to the, the war on terrorism to be amazingly non-chalant. I mean the simple fact is we are not being protective enough of ourselves. I think that was a mandate yesterday saying, 'Listen! We dont want these morons trying to croak us! You know when the Al-Qaeda made a big mistake? Is when they whiffed that dog on videotape? That got the liberals into it. Because theyre all sitting at home with their Marmaduke day-planner saying, 'Wait a second? They croaked a puppy? Now its on mother-[bleeped]! [applause]
But when the two guys put their heads together they make an ass of themselves!
(Credit: Robert Klein as a borscht belt comic)
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