New Governemt Sights for Terrorism (Censored Version)

http://www.dleepow.us/emergency.html ^

[Enemy Of The State]

(Note: we did not create this material and its author is unknown to us. All we know is that we so approve!)

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything!
Here are a few interpretations:

 

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

 

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

 

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

 

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

 

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

 

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

 

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the heck away.

 

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

 

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

 

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

 

If your building collapses, give yourself a bJ while waiting to be rescued.

 

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.

 

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

 

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap.

 

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like crazy.

 

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

 

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

 

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

 

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

 

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

 

Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.

 

 

[Enemy Of The State]

Moderator: Pls. excuse my previous post of this.

[IronJack]

HAHAHAHAHAH!! Great!!!

[Enemy Of The State]

For the original version click the link below

Its hillarious!!

http://www.dleepow.us/emergency.html

[Dr.Deth]

TOO friggin funny. BUMP!

[backhoe]

A while back I saw this version on another site:

If Radiation knocks, don't answer the door...

[ladyinred]

ROTFL!

[backhoe]

I wish I could recall where I saw that posted- it was on another forum some months ago, and the members added titles ranging from mildly sarcastic to X-rated, but they were all knee-slappingly funny.

[Enemy Of The State]

hahahaha...Thats a good one!

[Enemy Of The State]

Laugh Ping!

[Enemy Of The State]

Ping!

[Redcloak]

ROTFLOL!

[AnnaZ]

LOL... I'm DYING over here!

[B4Ranch]

Yup, this is the proof that you are truly warped. I suspected it for quite a while, now we all know for sure. Honesty is the best policy. LOL

[dead]

Thanks for the ping! That was hysterical. My favorite:

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

[Enemy Of The State]

yeah, it's pretty hard to hide from those of like mind ;) lol... Glad you got a laugh out of it.

[AnnaZ]

The tip they haven't hipped us to, however, is to always carry a flashlight when entering a building that may collapse. (...as I see no uses demonstrated herein for either duct tape or plastic sheeting.)

[HangFire]

Bwhahaha!

Bookmark BTTT;-)

Still ROTF...

[HangFire]

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

How many times have you heard me say this?

[Feiny]

Too funny! My fave is the bust on Vin Diesel....that guy annoys me. But, you gotta love the mutant ones...."If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap." Wow.

[Feiny]

If exposed to psychodelic gas, choke yourself until you pass out.