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France surrenders during military training exercise
Bob from accounting ^

Posted on 02/07/2003 5:52:09 PM PST by davetex

PARIS - France held secret military exercises in order to better prepare for an eventual surrender should they ever be attacked, say officials in the government.

The training exercises, which began within days after the September 11 terrorist attacks in America, focused on a coordinated effort between the French government and the military in case they are confronted by the slightest act of aggression by a foreign country.

"The policy of of an immediate and unconditional surrender is not left up to chance as many would believe," says Jean-Pierre Le Carche, deputy assistant to the French U.N Envoy. "Every aspect is methodically planned so as not to disrupt the wonderful French way of life."

The first step, according to Le Carche, is "to apologize profusely to the angry country and then act like we didn't know anyone was mad at us. We say things like 'who us? What? We didn't do anything wrong. We're on your side.'"

If the aggression continues, the government is instructed to immediately blame another country or a minority for the hatred they have brought upon the true French people.

"Most likely we would blame everything on either the United States, the Jews or both. Preferably both. Then we begin deporting people. Of course, who will be deported depends on the country asking. If it's the Jews, that's easy. We just hand them a list of addresses."

The third measure is invoked only if previous efforts have failed to produced results.

"Our troops are told to immediately lay on the ground like sheep. This momentarily confuses the enemy while our leaders quickly flee to Switzerland."

According to former French General Luc-Paul Didier, France has learned from its mistakes of the past, particularly during the German invasion of World War II.

"We got it all screwed up in those other wars by laying down like sheep first and then deporting people second," Didier said. "If we would have just planned a little better, we might have actually shared a beer with the German troops instead of prostituting our wives for a warm baguette.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: brie; cheese; frogs; hairywomen; monkeys; smellyfeet; snails
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The joys of frog bashing know no limits!
1 posted on 02/07/2003 5:52:09 PM PST by davetex
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To: davetex
Corrected link.
2 posted on 02/07/2003 5:54:08 PM PST by Pyrion
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To: Pyrion
Sorry
3 posted on 02/07/2003 6:01:49 PM PST by davetex
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To: davetex
No offense intended. :)
4 posted on 02/07/2003 6:12:55 PM PST by Pyrion
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To: davetex
Somebody on another thread said that "fighting a war without the French is like going deer hunting without an acordion" . Don't remember who posted it but God you gotta love that guy.
5 posted on 02/07/2003 6:17:28 PM PST by my right
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To: davetex
The policy of of an immediate and unconditional surrender is not left up to chance as many would believe

That's so true. Last time they left it to chance, some Frenchmen didn't get the word and set up an underground resistance movement. Can't have that happening again.

6 posted on 02/07/2003 6:36:03 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: davetex
Why do the French plant trees beside their roads? So the German soldiers can march in the shade.

I know it's a very old joke but I still laugh everytime I think of it.
7 posted on 02/07/2003 6:46:04 PM PST by Red Dog #1
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To: davetex
It sounds as if the only casualties were those injured in the fight to see which side could surrender first.
8 posted on 02/07/2003 7:06:50 PM PST by Eagle Eye (There ought to be a law against excessive legislation.)
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To: davetex
And the Brits just knighted Chirac.

His official name is now Sir Render.

9 posted on 02/07/2003 8:37:26 PM PST by jigsaw
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To: davetex
The German's held a similar excercise.

Unlike the French the German policy is that of practicing appeasement as a model for other nations. By setting the example they hope that other countries will do likewise when they again plan to try to take over the world.

In keeping with the German policy, all troops failed to show up for the excercize.
10 posted on 02/07/2003 8:44:19 PM PST by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: jigsaw
Sir Render, LOL
11 posted on 02/07/2003 8:44:54 PM PST by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: davetex


12 posted on 02/08/2003 6:04:46 AM PST by MeekOneGOP (Bu-bye SADdam. You're soon to meet your buddy Stalin in Hades.)
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To: davetex
On a related note...


French PM: "It's Great to Be Collaborating with Germany Again!"

Paris - French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac, in honor of France's agreement with Germany to undermine America's efforts in the War on Terror, took German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder on a tour of sites in the French capital city that were visited by another German Chancellor, Adolf Hitler, during his famous Victory Tour of 1940.

"It's so nice to be collaborating with the Germans again," said Chirac during a press conference at the Versailles Palace outside of Paris. "I mean, it's not like there was any real resistance movement when Germany ruled us during World War II. And those black leather coats the Gestapo men wore. Simply to die for."

Most French citizens this reporter spoke with expressed their delight at being able to collaborate once again with the Germans. A recent poll conducted by the newspaper Le Figaro showed that 95.6% of all French people are hoping to be re-occupied by Germany within the next 12 months. The poll results also reveal that the vast majority of French women are especially looking forward to becoming the mistresses of German officers so that they can have sado-masochistic sex in exchange for silk stockings and extra rations.

"Damn those Americans anyway," said Chirac during a visit with Schroeder to the Klaus Barbie L'Ecole Superieure du Behaviour Criminale. "Everthing was going along just fine in 1944 and what did they go and do? Land at Normandy. Just like the Yanks, always butting their noses into other people's business. Well, we aren't going to take it lying down any more. This time we're going to surrender to Germany before the Germans have a chance to invade."


13 posted on 02/08/2003 6:07:58 AM PST by MeekOneGOP (Bu-bye SADdam. You're soon to meet your buddy Stalin in Hades.)
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To: davetex
From source link...

The Official Mint of France has created commemorative
statues of French surrenders throughout history.

14 posted on 02/08/2003 6:18:29 AM PST by MeekOneGOP (Bu-bye SADdam. You're soon to meet your buddy Stalin in Hades.)
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To: davetex
They seem to have left out one step: after the surrender, they appeal to the U.S, citing L' histoire and Le gloire of France (along with references to Lafayette) to rescue them and pour billion$ into their country.

Oh -- and one more step: once they've got the money, kick the American bastards out.

15 posted on 02/08/2003 6:18:42 AM PST by LantzALot
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To: davetex
PARIS--In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the 'War on Terror' after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite Battalion du Specialistes d'Abandonnement of France's Armees de la Terre are preparing for movement to Iraq, where they will advise the Iraqi Republican Guards on their impending surrender to the American Armed Forces.

"Eet eez important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said Colonel Philippe Marie-Jeane Yves-Montand Gauloise du Pepee, Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in countless battles dating back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We French are world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas? Not like you arrogant Americans, who never surrender. Ha! I spit on your feelthy American victories!"

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateurs Francaise to assist the Iraqis in avidly collaborating with the Americans, while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.
16 posted on 02/08/2003 6:21:37 AM PST by DugwayDuke
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To: DugwayDuke
LOL! Excellent.
17 posted on 02/08/2003 6:22:39 AM PST by CWOJackson
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To: davetex
I hope they were able to finish the FREs first.

Frogs Ready to Eat.
18 posted on 02/08/2003 6:27:01 AM PST by gitmo ("The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain." GWB)
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To: MeeknMing
I hate to be fussy, but that looks more like a Wehrmacht tanker than a French soldier. . . .

Here's an example of the correct uniform. (Note the kneeling posture):

Maybe they couldn't find a miniature of any French soldier after the Napoleonic era (plenty of those though).

19 posted on 02/08/2003 6:34:26 AM PST by AnAmericanMother (. . . many strong souls to Hades it hurled, and left their bodies food for birds of the air . .)
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To: my right
That was humblegunner.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/838349/posts#3
20 posted on 02/08/2003 6:54:19 AM PST by gitmo ("The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain." GWB)
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