Posted on 10/30/2002 8:53:47 PM PST by doug from upland
In a startling development, it has been learned by this reporter (by overhearing a conversation in the men's room of a trendy San Francisco restaurant) that the Giants may have committed the most horrific violation against Major League Baseball since the Black Sox scandal of 1919. (Editor's Note: Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis, the Baseball Commissioner, may have never been able to help solve the scandal had Patrick Leahy been around at the time. Landis would have been held up in committee awaiting confirmation.)
Here is what I have learned. Kubla Kahn, a former mental patient and distant cousin of the Paul Wellstone's treasurer, Rick Kahn, grew up as a tremendous fan of the Singing Cowboy, Gene Autry. He made it known since elementary school that he thought Roy Rogers and The Lone Ranger really sucked, and that Autry was his guy. He was often suspended from school for fighting with fans of RR and TLR. Any mention of Trigger or Tonto made him go ballistic.
Kahn was also a big baseball fan who grew up in Fountain Valley and naturally always rooted for the Anaheim Angels, previously known as the California Angels. Year after year of disappointments eventually caused Kahn, much like his cousin in Minnesota, to lose touch with reality. He went over the edge after the Dave Henderson homer in 1986 when the Angels were one pitch away from making it to the Series. That night Kahn was arrested on the southbound side of the 57 Freeway waving his guns at passing traffic while singing "Back in the Saddle Again."
After years of treatment with experimental drugs and shock therapy, Kahn was finally released from the Lanterman state facility in Pomona just before the playoffs began. When the Angles had completed the humiliation of the Yankees in four games, Kahn took a $39 flight on Southwest up to the city by the bay, managed to break through security, and confronted Giants' owner Peter Magowan at gunpoint.
He was blabbering and even crying as he appealed to Magowan -- "I'm begging you to help us win this Series for Gene Autry." Perhaps even more bizarre was Kahn's reaction to a political show that was on Magowan's television in his office. When Trent Lott came on the screen, Kahn began booing. Just before the SFPD SWAT team arrived, he managed to escape. Kahn was still on the loose and considered armed and dangerous as of the 8th inning of Game 6.
Could it be that the phone call Dusty Baker received during the 6th inning of Game 6 came from Magowan? Was Magowan still living in fear because Kahn was on the loose? Did he order Baker to have his players blow the game? We may never know.
Just remember that at the so-called memorial service for Paul Wellstone, it was not the first time that a mental patient named Kahn begged and pleaded for the other side to lay down and take a fall in honor of a dead hero.
And now you know the rest of the story.
No.
Heck, not only that, I called her and she told me the answer!
Its been a long time since I was able to catch his noon time show. I expect he will be peeved.
Let's ponder a more serious topic- like the CIA-KGB conspiracy to steal a sock out of my dryer every Sunday afternoon.
I left my bats
In San Fran-cis-co.
Feel free to substiture 'guts' for 'bats'.
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