The Worst American Cars - POLL

Forbes ^ | 10.21.02 | Michael Frank

[wallcrawlr]

In the Vehicles section we have had the privilege to glory in many amazing new and vintage automobiles.

But what about the duds?

What about the cars that never should have been made? The ones that, no matter how prescient their creators thought they were when they conceived these cars, were clearly either aesthetically ghastly, deeply mechanically flawed, or both?

That list could be quite long. Don't forget, there were thousands of car companies in the first half of the last century, many of which died because they cranked out substandard machines; the rest croaked either from the dire economic times in the Depression or shortly after the war, when the likes of General Motors made it impossible to compete.

But we prefer to focus on the duds we know and love to hate. That'd be the classic bombs of the post-war years, cars that had no business rolling down the highway--ever--and yet some of which became big sellers despite having hideous designs, awful engineering, wretched build quality, and sometimes all three.

By the way, we are aware that some of the cars on this list weren't the last of their kind, but they are here to remind us of just how bad it got, how wrong car design and production could be.

And we also know that this list is far from complete. So you should vote in the adjacent pole to add your two cents to our dud car list.

Finally, we are well aware that some readers will be terribly put off because they drove their high school sweetheart to prom in one of these dread creations (or they've got the same car up on blocks in the garage right now, just waiting for another paycheck to afford more fiberglass bodywork and another set of chrome wheels). But where's the fun if we don't offend? Remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure (hence the wonder of capitalism).

The Edsel was the ultimate DOA car, but contrary to common opinion, this was more a function of market segmenting and changing tastes than of purely bad styling. And of course it doesn't help that it was ugly. The vertical front grille of the Edsel looked like a big nose that divided the otherwise relatively conventional front of the car, and the front and back styling made even the 350hp V-8 version look slow. By the time Ford decided to restyle the Edsel in 1959, the car's sales had slid off a cliff and that was the end of Edsel.

There were a whopping 52 service bulletins (many requiring recalls) for this bastard-child car born of an unfortunate need by Maserati for ready cash and Chrysler's willingness to turn a LeBaron into a Maserati. Not only was a 3.0-liter V-6 a criminal concept for a supposed Italian exotic (putting out a pathetic 141 horsepower), but so was the American sheetmetal. Then there were the many mechanical nightmares from blown clutches and engines to leaking roofs. This car cost double the sticker on the LeBaron and broke twice as often. After all, it was Italian, right?

Sure, the nifty-looking Corvair had some good points. Like a Porsche 911, its engine was air-cooled, and resided in the back, to provide extra rear-wheel traction. Too bad its flat-six engine biased the weight of the early cars so far aftward that the steering became very light at highway speeds; and it sure didn't help that the gas tank was mounted up front, so if you did wreck--Ka Boom! If only the design had been better executed. Bummer. (Watch out, here come the nasty letters from all those Corvair fans!)

There were four-door Mavericks and two-doors. There was a Mercury version called the Comet. There were vinyl-topped models, too. What they had in common was that they were built on platform designs heavily prone to rust (this was the early days of unit-body cars) and weak-kneed in-line six engines. But the cars were cheap and therefore, popular, especially in the gas-crisis years. Not that we think the Maverick is necessarily as bad as what came afterward--the abysmal Fox-platform Futura/Fairmont, and the Grenada, which was still based on the Maverick platform, and so carried forward all the bad-handling traits and massive rustability to boot.

With a 2.8-liter V-6 and front-wheel drive, this was GM's attempt to take on the likes of Honda and Toyota. GM also shared this so-called X-body setup (of the Citation) with Olds (Omega) Buick (Skylark) and Pontiac (Phoenix). The differences were basically in body style, not fundamental mechanics. Naturally, because the cars looked futuristic and because they got decent mileage, the Citation and its brethren were a huge hit (800,000 Citations sold in 1980). But to meet demand GM let quality slip, so problems like faulty brakes and steering plagued Citations and led to a steep drop in quality--and sales.

In a desperate attempt to reach a younger demographic, Cadillac revamped its classic Eldorado to look less like a classic Caddy road yacht and more like a two-door version of the ill-conceived four-door Cadillac Cimarron. Demand for the new Caddy fell (big surprise), and only a year after introduction production sank to just under 18,000 units. Did it matter that you could get a V-8 in the Caddy and not in the other GM look-alikes? Nope. It took another 16 years of awful versions (2002 will be the last year of the Eldo) but the decline all started back in 1986.

In the early 1980s American Motors Corporation (before it was absorbed by Chrysler) and French-maker Renault teamed up to make some really awful cars but none as bad as the Fuego. Thankfully, the relationship died out--and today AMC no longer exists and Renault hasn't set foot on American shores since. The Fuego's screamed "car of the future" but it was more like a bad omen. It came in a sporty turbo edition and even handled decently. But its odd appearance and legendarily short-prone electrical system (and no-go engine) soon had customers saying "au revoir."

Hands down probably one of the ugliest, if not the ugliest, car car ever made. When the car went into production it was discovered that the rotary motor had serious quality issues, so at the last second AMC had to switch to an in-line six, which also required widening the car and scrapping the front-wheel drive setup. The width helped: Handling was fairly impressive and huge doors made the car practical. The car sold well, but after the first year it became apparent that the car was too heavy, too goofy, and far too unreliable. Did we mention its looks?

Were the designers at AMC blind? How could they consistently turn out so many hideous cars? While the Gremlin enjoyed the distinction of being the first U.S.-made subcompact, its V-8, which was introduced right when the oil-crunch hit, hurt it. People wanted little four-cylinder models, not cars that were funny looking, small and oddly powerful. It also didn't help that initially it came only as a coupe. Later, AMC would later add a four-door but the problem was really with the looks. It didn't matter that the Gremlin was more reliable and sportier (in many guises) than the equally lame Ford Pinto--it was just uglier.

We're not knocking all GTOs by any means. The GTOs from the 1960s were great but by the time pollution and fuel-consumption standards had been put in effect in the early 1970s GM didn't have an answer. Its huge but inefficient V-8s were no match for all the smog-limiting hosiery that had to be attached; power and performance both dropped, but mileage didn't go up. Then in 1972 the GTO became an option--not even a model--of the Pontiac LeMans. By 1974 it was just a badge-job Chevy Nova, a disguise nobody bought (literally or figuratively) and the GTO finally bit the dust that year.

The best thing you could say about this car is that at least they got the scale right. It was meant as an answer to Honda and Toyota's fuel-sippers, and it was a small four-seater. But besides getting good mpg the Chevette was a really badly made, poorly assembled car. Rust, major mechanical failures, leaks--it had it all. It was also no fun to drive (unlike those Japanese cars like the early Accords) and gutless. Some people thought Chevettes were cute, though. Who could resist one with glued-on faux wood panels like this one?

If only. If only the Eagle Wagon weren't such a dog. If only Chrysler had changed the body styling in the late 1980s and made it a Jeep, not an Eagle. See, the Eagle was the original Outback off-road wagon, but came out a decade and a half before Subaru thought of the notion. Sadly, the Eagle had an old, inefficient six-cylinder motor (only capable of 110hp), a body borrowed from old AMC Hornets, and a clunky, three-speed automatic licensed from Chrysler. Talk about missed opportunities.

The Chevrolet Caprice got a new, fuel-efficient 250-cubic-inch engine and earned an EPA rating of 22 mpg on the highway. That was pretty impressive, but the beasts wallowed in corners and required great attention to go straight at speed. Later Caprices got V-8 engines and were restyled to become Caprice Classics in the later '80s. But even these faster cars understeered in the extreme and sent every road dent and pothole reverberating from the suspension straight to your clenched-in-anticipation jaw. The fact that they were also one of the most boring-looking cars ever designed didn't help either.

[Mike-o-Matic]

Sounds like what I do in winter, on ice, with my ATV in 4x4 mode. Haul the handlebars to one side and crunch the throttle... Pure, in-place, non-airborne flat spins! Sustainable until either ya puke or fall off from uncontrollable, exhuberant laughter :-) Yes, it's that much fun!

[Nik Naym]

I remember those gosh awful lookin' things! I always thought they looked like somebody backed it into a dumpster at 50 MPH.

Nik

[alaskanfan]

The list did not include the late model Dodge pickups.

A grave omission. It resembles the old Studebaker in design.

[Tony in Hawaii]

The Pacer was designed around a rotary but never sold with one.

The Chevy Monza was also originally designed to have a rotary, but when that didn't pan out, they shoved a V-8 in it. You needed to raise the engine (or cut a hole in the inner fender) in order to change the spark plugs.

[capitan_refugio]

Hah! Not so. I still have and greatly enjoy my American Motors Jeep Wagoneer. The best 4wd ever made.

(Of course, one could argue that the Jeep Division was never really part of mainstream AMC.)

[driftless]

I bought a 77 Caprice from a friend as an in-between-new-car vehicle. After 165K, It stills rides better than my new 01 Taurus. Steering is tricky though. That criticism is valid. But it must have been a great ride when brand new.

[driftless]

I got over 200k miles with my 92 Taurus. And I'm hard on cars. Did have transmission problems though. But now on my second. The only brand new car I ever bought was a 74 Dodge Dart. Built from stuff taken from Crackerjack boxes as far as I could tell. Terrible vehicle. Ex-girl friend had a 87 Chevy Celebrity. Literally started falling apart as soon as she bought it. GM's reputation far exceeds the reality. They build a lot of awful cars.

[driftless]

You got that right. I had a 74 Swinger. It didn't "swing" very well. The housing for the thermostat was made out of white metal and eventually burst. A large hunk of junk.

[Erasmus]

Looks like one of Paul Bunyan's Nikes.

[Go Gordon]

At college, a guy had a Vega wagon - COVERED WITH ASTRO TURF!!!! Made me laugh everytime I saw it. Then I realized it was probably less expensive than repairing the rust spots...

[Corporate Law]

I thought their car of preference was a Subaru Outback. According to a friend who works in a Subaru dealership, unless you are an engineer (have not figured out that linkage), you only buy that car if you are a lesbian.

[Petronski]

Jeep Cherokee Sport (the cherokee that is not the souped-up 'Grand Cherokee') might be a good candidate. You can get parts at any Dodge dealer, it's 4-wheel-drive, and there's gotta be hundreds of thousands of used models out there to pick from, because they've been making them for decades. Just make sure you get the bigger engine (4.0 liters, or later on, 3.7) and not the little bitty 2.8 or so engine.

The Aztec, on the other hand, is NOT durable, no matter how suited to your needs it might be. It is a laughingstock in the GM servicebays. I wish someone would post that story about the Aztec, about how it was designed by a team headed up by an affirmative-action nincompoop and only went into production to prove she could do it.

[GluteusMax]

I can't believe no one has mentioned the Taurus. Any year. What turd-boxes.

Probably because the Taurus was the #1 best selling car for 5 or 6 years straight, which means few people would agree with you. I've never heard anyone who owned one complain about the quality.

Really? You must not know too many people who have owned them. I own a 1996 I unfortunately purchased brand new and it has been the biggest pile of crap I ever owned next to the Hyundai I once owned. The motor is currently blown. Before that the rack and pinion let go while driving it. The transmission (a notorious weak spot in the Taurus) quit once. I've towed back friends Tauruses with blown transmissions more than once. Every person I know who owns a Taurus has had numerous problems.

The reason it was the Number 1 seller is due to fleet sales.

Period.

[amigatec]

Well I own a GEO Metro, I like mine. I haven't had it very long but it does run good. Only has a 1300 4 banger.

[Weimdog]

It's not that they're a bad car just a "fugly" one.

IMHO, they threw everything in but the kitchen sink trying to make the all-purpose SUV. Only an American manufacturer would build a hybrid SUV with a camper back.

[Revolting cat!]

What? No mention of the worst car for the money, the prettied up low class Chevy sold as a Caddilac (Cimarron)?

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Get a subaru. I owned one and it was great. Over 200k miles and ran like a top, good in snow, too. Don't waste money on the outback, get the twin model, costs less and just as good. Also Audi's are great in snow. For a small SUV, I had a Daihatsu Rocky for awhile. That was one great truck in the snow! But not much power with a load. I hope to have a Tahoe by years end, Lord willing!

[ladyinred]

Hey! The ex had a' 63 Monza Spyder. It was the cutest thing, bought it used in early 70's for $100, kept it about 5 years as a work car, then sold it for $300! Not bad huh?

[ladtx]

I loved my Spyder. I let my sister drive it while I went off to helicopter flight school. By the time I graduated and came back home for leave, she had wrecked it and bought a VW bug. Broke my heart.