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35 Things Not to Say to a Cop!
StrangeCosmos.com ^
| 8-25-02
| Strange Cosmos
Posted on 08/25/2002 8:17:12 AM PDT by KLT
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People band?
4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job.
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a
police officer.
6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
7. Bad cop, no donut.
8. You're not going to check the trunk are you?
9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?
11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's
night stand.
12. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at
McDonalds?
13. I pay your salary.
14. So uh, you on the take or what?
15. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning.
16. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.
17. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around, that's how far ahead they are.
18. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained
specialist.
19. Well officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun
fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal,
forcing me to speed out of control.
20. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
21. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
22. No, YOU assume the position.
23. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts is having a 3 for 1
special!
24. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
25. No, offi, offic,lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear
to dog.
26. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110
mph.
27. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
28. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different
states! Pick ONE!
29. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green
men!
30. On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget
the cig's.
31. Come on, write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
32. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
33. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
34. So that's what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone mean.
35. What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?
TOPICS: Extended News; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: braad; ccrm; cheesewatch; enviralists; firefighters; humor; leo; meathead; moosewatch; motorcyclelist; photoradar; recruits
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To: mewzilla
In my area there is a car with this sticker but it BELONGS to a cop. Go figure.
21
posted on
08/25/2002 9:55:07 AM PDT
by
hscott
To: Momaw Nadon
hahaha!
To: PatrioticAmerican
Hey, # 42 really happened with me. I was on probation for 30 days for another traffic violation and was driving to San Antonio in my mustang convertable. It was in and out of work zones. There was a cop in the right lane. I had no idea what the speed limit was and was not going to pass him. He kept slowing. At about 40 I pulled behind him. He stopped me and asked me what the speed limit was. I told him I had no idea but I figured if anyone should know he should. He laughed and looked at my car like what a waste and shook his head and told me to keep up or stay out of the fast lane and drove off.
To: KLT
62. I remember when I went through 4 months of training, 'cept I became a diesel mechanic.
63. Do those federal guys taunt you? You don't cry about it do you?
64. If you can, remove the cuffs in the back of the cruiser while showing him, saying, "Man you put those on tight!"
65. Could you clear my gun? (It confuses them. Clear? They don't know how.)
65.
To: CindyDawg
Ha! "Keep up!" From a cop!
To: KLT
65. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I was checking out to the tunes of my new cop-killer CD. ButtDog has a great new line about you pigs.
To: KLT
If it's a female cop....
Put 'em on the glass, Baby!
27
posted on
08/25/2002 10:03:11 AM PDT
by
gilor
To: Force12
Did you earn that gold brain bucket the same way my kid earned his gold star in kintergarden?
28
posted on
08/25/2002 10:05:04 AM PDT
by
dalereed
To: gilor
LOL!
To: KLT
66. Wow, we have a lot in common. We're both firearms experts. I took a basic pistol course, too!
To: KLT
67. Yeah, my little sister is a cop. She's thinks she's tough, too.
To: KLT
If he's black and you're white: "You just did this because I'm white, didn't you?"
If he's white and you're black: "You don't want me to call Jesse Jackson about this, do you?"
Pretend you don't speak English.
"But Officer, I was going 100 KILOMETERS per hour!"
To: KLT
#68 - I can sympathise with you officer - I was in the police academy once - till they found out my parents were married when I was born #69 - If you make me get out of this car, I'm gonna have to just beat your ass!
To: KLT
ROTFLMAO
34
posted on
08/25/2002 10:23:34 AM PDT
by
weikel
To: KLT
#68 But occifer, I was only going one way!
To: gorush
LOL!
To: KLT
Not to be used in London at December:
69: Good evening, Cinstable, Happy Chrostmas
Regards, Ivan
37
posted on
08/25/2002 11:00:21 AM PDT
by
MadIvan
To: KLT
Funny bump!
To: KLT
The immortal Jonathan Winters did a little bit where he is stopped by a patrolman for speeding. The patrolman asks"where's the fire?" Winters looks at the cop and says"in your eyes, officer."
To: KLT
LOL! Thanks for the heads up!
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