Wearing tinfoil hats to protect their private thoughts, House and Senate leaders leave a private meeting with President Bush where they complained about the FBI's practice of reading the minds of Congressmen.
Posted on 08/06/2002 7:16:36 PM PDT by KLT
Wearing tinfoil hats to protect their private thoughts, House and Senate leaders leave a private meeting with President Bush where they complained about the FBI's practice of reading the minds of Congressmen.
WASHINGTON – A week after lawmakers serving on the House-Senate panel probing pre-Sept. 11 intelligence breakdowns refused to submit to lie-detector tests to learn the source of a leak, congressional leaders now accuse the FBI of attempting to read their minds through a process known as psychotronics.
House and Senate leaders demanded and received a private meeting with President Bush before his departure on a month-long-paid-family-leave to discuss the issue, arguing that members of Congress should not be subjected to mind reading.
"I think it's [mind reading] a bad idea,” said Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle (D-SD). “The only thing I’ve ever leaked while a member of the Senate was my diaper.”
The Republican leader, Sen. Trent Lott of Mississippi , agreed: “You know, this separation of powers things is certainly difficult for most of us on Capitol Hill to understand. But having said that, I think mind reading is an infringement constitutionally on the legislative branch, and an infringement on my right to daydream about…well, whatever I want to daydream about.”
A source close to a source who is close to an illegal alien who is the maid of an anonymous FBI agent who is somewhat familiar with the investigation confirmed to BSNN that the mind reading of Congressmen has been going on for several weeks, but the results have been disappointing.
“Frankly,” the source told BSNN, “There’s not a lot of mind to read with most of these folks.”
The only information the FBI has been able to obtain so far is that Senator Daschle spends a lot of time dreaming about getting a pizza delivery inside the Oval Office, and when speaking on the Senate floor, Senator Lott pictures himself wearing a cheerleading costume.
For his part, Senator Richard Shelby (D & R – Al.), put the onus back on members of Congress: "I have to say that the thing for members of Congress to do is to keep their minds closed so the FBI has nothing to read. It’s simple really; I’ve been close-minded for years. All you have to do is spend 24 hours a day thinking about pickling okra. It’s a technique my mother taught me. But just in case that doesn’t work, I also wear a tinfoil hat.”
FBI officials say that mind reading is a standard investigative technique.
"Mind reading—and to a lesser extent, mind control—is a standard element of FBI investigations and it is meant to eliminate people from suspicion, as well as provide some entertainment for the agent on duty," an official said, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The FBI investigation was requested after news organizations reported details of a particularly tasty humus recipe intercepted by the National Security Agency. The recipe is said to make Viagra look like a sugar pill, and most members of the committee had hoped to keep it to themselves.
White House spokesman Hari Flascher defended the FBI action, saying that when the leaked recipe appeared in newspapers the level of detail was "alarmingly specific" and undermined national security.
“We can’t have every man in the country eating this stuff,” Flascher said. “Stamina would rise and productivity would plummet, harming an already fragile economy. It would give new meaning to the phrase ‘double-dip recession.’”
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Go ahead. Pull my finger.
Dude just rubs me the wrong way...MUD
How are ya lowbridge?
What a great idea dead! Tinfoil bikinis for the Senator...then we can put him in Playgirl...OMG...what a sight!
Dude needs to be rubbed out of the Senate...When are the good people from South Dakota gonna get smart?
Freegards my Good Friend,
Karen
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