Posted on 07/07/2002 10:55:29 PM PDT by FreedomFriend
Kathleen is attractive, successful, witty, and educated. She also can't find a husband. Why? Because most of the men this thirty-something software analyst dates do not want to get married. These men have Peter Pan Syndrome--they refuse to commit, refuse to settle down, and refuse to "grow up."
However, given the family court policies and divorce trends of today, Peter Pan is no naive boy, but instead a wise man.
"Why should I get married and have kids when I could lose those kids and most of what I've worked for at a moment's notice?" asks Dan, a 31 year-old power plant technician who says he will never marry. "I've seen it happen to many of my friends. I know guys who came home one day to an empty house or apartment--wife gone, kids gone. They never saw it coming. Some of them were never able to see their kids regularly again."
The US marriage rate has dipped 40% over the past four decades, to its lowest point ever. There are many plausible explanations for this trend, but one of the least mentioned is that American men, in the face of a family court system which is hopelessly stacked against them, have subconsciously launched a "marriage strike."
It is not difficult to see why. Let's say that Dan defies Peter Pan, marries Kathleen, and has two children. There is a 50% likelihood that this marriage will end in divorce within eight years, and if it does the odds are two to one that it will be Kathleen, not Dan, who initiates the divorce. It may not matter that Dan was a decent husband--studies show that few divorces are initiated over abuse or because the man has already abandoned the family. Nor is adultery cited as a factor by divorcing women appreciably more than by divorcing men.
While the courts may grant Dan and Kathleen joint legal custody, the odds are overwhelming that it is Kathleen, not Dan, who will win physical custody. Over night Dan, accustomed to seeing his kids every day and being an integral part of their lives, will become a "14 percent dad"--a father who is allowed to spend only one out of every 7 days with his own children.
Once divorced, odds are at least even that Dan's ex-wife will interfere with his visitation rights. Three-quarters of divorced men surveyed say their ex-wives have interfered with their visitation, and 40% of mothers studied admitted that they had done so, and that they had generally acted out of spite or in order to punish their exes.
Kathleen will keep the house and most of the couple's assets. Dan will need to set up a new residence and pay at least a third of his take home pay to Kathleen in child support.
As bad as all of this is, it would still make Dan one of the lucky ones. After all, he could be one of those fathers who cannot see his children at all because his ex has made a false accusation of domestic violence, child abuse, or child molestation. Or a father who can only see his own children under supervised visitation or in nightmarish visitation centers where dads are treated like criminals.
He could be one of those fathers whose ex has moved their children hundreds or thousands of miles away, in violation of court orders which courts often do not enforce. He could be one of those fathers who tears up his life and career again and again in order to follow his children, only to have his ex-wife continually move them.
He could be one of the fathers who has lost his job, seen his income drop, or suffered a disabling injury, only to have child support arrearages and interest pile up to create a mountain of debt which he could never hope to pay off. Or a father who is forced to pay 70% or 80% of his income in child support because the court has imputed an unrealistic income to him. Or a dad who suffers from one of the child support enforcement system's endless and difficult to correct errors, or who is jailed because he cannot keep up with his payments. Or a dad who reaches old age impoverished because he lost everything he had in a divorce when he was middle-aged and did not have the time and the opportunity to earn it back.
"It's a shame," Dan says. "I always wanted to be a father and have a family. But unless the laws change and give fathers the same right to be a part of their children's lives as mothers have, it just isn't worth the risk."
Oh, I don't know. I thought your post #9 summed up the issue quite nicely. :-)
If there was a reawakening of purity in our personal lives their would be more marriages.
Don't the feminazis realize that there will be a whole lot of dead women due to their courtroom biases?
The more I read the harder I pray for Christ to return now and clean up the mess we've made of things. Even now Lord, even now.
God Save America (Please)
This doesn't describe every young woman, and there are a few out there who are genuinely dignified, and who want a man that will lead.
My suggestion? If you're a Christian, attend a Christian Singles Praise & Worship within your respective city. At some of these gatherings, there are upwards of 1,500 single Christian women, so you have a good chance of meeting a good woman.
Similarly, the club scene, bar scene, etc. is not the place to meet a genuinely good woman. What kind of a good woman hangs out at places like that on a regular basis? I'm talking slim pickings. Those places are loaded with extremely liberal, sex maniac types who will most likely not respect you. Furthermore, a large percentage, perhaps a majority, of them have very little sense of morals and values. If your goal is to marry, why would anyone waste their time and money at grotesque places such as these?
It didn't seem to start out that way. The purpose of the original movement was to elevate women to equal status under the law. The movement succeeded but didn't die. They had to find other "causes" in order to keep their jobs and funding.
IMO. This is geared (un/intentionally) towards creating an undisclipined society that is easily lead by the only "father" left, the gubment.
EBUCK
It took me nearly a year and thousands of dollars to convince the court that I was the parent to which custody should be granted. During that year my ex disapeared (on drug binges or whetever the hell else struck her fancy) twice, once for 8 months straight!! She had no job, car, house or money yet the courts kept trying to give her custody. Her lawyer, after she defaulted on several payments, finally told me that if she had showed up to just 1 out of the 6 of the mediation sessions or had showed up in court just once she would have been granted custody because the female Judge (Judge Carrol Bispham, Linn County Oregon) is severely slanted in her decisions.
Here is link to some good info for those still mired in this crap.....Dads against Discrimination
EBUCK
That's why I said certain men. I could never do it as a Christian but I can very easily see a non-Christian seeing it as the only way to keep what he worked for. Prior to my salvation I probably would have reacted that way in fact. Thank God He changed me.
Until we make the laws equal for all (eliminating no-fault divorce would be a good start), elimination of the problem becomes the only way out for some men.
GSA(P)
I feel sick for my nieces and nephew more than anything, their world has been turned upside down. In my opinion this woman who is soon to be my ex-SIL and as far as our entire family knew was a wonderful person is truly evil and doesn't deserve to have custody of these kids. Unfortunately the court disagrees.
MKM
Fortunately I didn't have to resort to such methods, she did that all by herself, but a lot of custodial fathers have used such methods to keep their children. (I know, "for the chilluns" is tired, but when it comes to my house it is for the chilluns)
EBUCK
Did I say that? My point was that women (or men) should not be sleeping with anyone who is just using them.
If you think the only thing a woman can offer to a marriage is sex, then you are sadly mistaken.
No, I don't think that, but a lot of men think women are simply to be used for sex. They see no reason to get married. I have been told that outright. This is what I've seen and experienced. I didn't say all men are like that but most of the ones I've met have been. This doesn't mean I think you and everyone else here are that way too and I certainly don't hate all men for it. I like men and I am happy being female, but I am not going to set myself up as a de facto prostitute for some of those guys out there, because that is exactly what they want. At least prostitutes get paid. Instead, I just don't go out much at all. I'm tired of being treated badly.
I don't have any blinders on and I never said it was a one way street. Please stop projecting your bad experiences on to me.
Did I say I did? It's about self-protection, not manipulation.
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